Late-night hosts delve into Donald Trump’s “big, beautiful bill” and consider his UFC proposal for next Independence Day.
The Daily Show
Jon Stewart returned to The Daily Show following the Fourth of July holiday in the US, during which Congress and Trump passed the so-called “One Big Beautiful Bill Act”. The legislation will, among other things, cut $930bn from the Medicaid budget, thus putting 11 million at risk of losing their health insurance, end Biden-era green energy credits and cut funding for 3 million kids’ school lunches.
“It’s a lot of painful cuts on a lot of vulnerable populations,” Stewart summarized on Monday’s Daily Show. “But, to be fair, at least America will finally make a dent on the deficit.” Well, not quite – Stewart then played a news clip tallying the bill’s increase of $3.4tn to the deficit. “What the fuck?” he exclaimed. “You somehow managed to severely cut the safety net and expand the deficit. That’s impressive. That’s one of those, ‘Hey man, how did you gain all that weight?’ ‘Ozempic.’ That’s something that’s hard to do!”
“So even though some of our nation’s most vulnerable are taking a pay cut, fear not,” he continued. “Other people are getting a raise.” The new law includes $150bn more for Immigration and Customs Enforcement (Ice). “Are you telling me all this crazy shit that has been happening is broke Ice?” Stewart wondered, referring to the raids in Los Angeles that garnered widespread protests. “What is Ice going to do when they have real money?”
Though the new law represents what Stewart called a “victory for Maga”, it also encapsulates “a ton of general Washington bullshittery”. For instance, “political hypocrisy”. “This bill was 970 pages,” Stewart explained. “They jammed it through with barely any time to read it. How did Republicans feel about that when Democrats did it?” Stewart queued up several clips of Republican politicians criticizing Democrats for doing the same thing.
“When it happens to them, it’s shoving it down their throats. It’s an outrage,” he said. “But when it’s for Republicans it’s just, ‘Come on, America. Relax the glottis. Breathe through your nose. It will all be over soon.’”
Furthermore, the cuts rely on “this lazy, bullshit narrative that our finances are screwed because of how comfortable we have made it for the poor”, Stewart fumed. “The problem in our country isn’t the sliver of able-bodied people that are somehow coasting on the unearned medical coverage they may or may not use, but the millions and millions of people in this country who work fucking full-time jobs and still need food and medical assistance! That’s the system that’s broken! Fix that system!”
In sum, “this bill is the most fucked-up performance review our country could ever deliver”, Stewart concluded. “It’s the government sitting us all down and telling us where we’ve been irresponsible with the spending.”
“Blaming migrants and the able-bodied poor is why Trump won this election,” he added. But “a system where working people struggle so much is why [Zohran] Mamdani won his election” in the Democratic primary for mayor of New York. “And for all the people who are worried about Mamdani’s socialist tendencies, guess what? He’s the best-case scenario because this system is not sustainable. And if this doesn’t change, there’s gonna be more drastic action.”
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
And on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, Anthony Anderson filled in for Kimmel as he continued his annual summer break from hosting duties. Anderson acknowledged the Fourth of July, for which there is “one true way to celebrate independence: eating 10,000 calories in a single sitting, then blowing your dick off with a firecracker”.
“Speaking of dicks,” he added, “Donald Trump was in the White House this weekend,” where he anticipated next year’s celebrations – for the 250th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence – “in the biggest and dumbest way possible”. Trump claimed that he would bring a UFC fight to the grounds of the White House for a “full fight, like 25,000 people”.
“Yes UFC, which stands for ‘U fucking crazy?!’” Anderson laughed. But he actually agreed with Trump. “There should be a UFC fight at the White House – between Donald Trump and Elon Musk,” he quipped. “Golf Clubber Lang v the Ketamine Machine, bitch-slapping each other in the Octagon. Who’s with me?”
