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We Got This Covered
We Got This Covered
David James

‘First generation humanoids’: Melania Trump ushers in ‘Black Mirror’ future with bizarre AI conference

Yesterday, the White House hosted a meeting of the Task Force on Artificial Intelligence Education. Key figures in the industry, Google CEO Sundar Pichai, Code.org President Cameron Wilson, and CEO and Chairman of IBM Arvind Krish were present, as were the secretaries of education, labor, agriculture, and energy.

Sounds like a pretty big deal! So, naturally, when you’re picking someone to chair the meeting, you want someone with a firm grasp of the technology, high-level coding knowledge, and expertise across multiple scientific fields. Unfortunately, that person wasn’t available, so they called in Melania Trump.

Clearly aware that this isn’t Melania’s natural territory (and with her likely simmering at being dragged out of Manhattan), all she had to do was read a prepared statement off an iPad. Sadly, she couldn’t even do a good job at that.

Visibly uncomfortable, she delivered a speech that, if nothing else, will provide several excellent samples for future EDM tracks:

But eyebrows were particularly raised at her promises of “first-generation humanoids”. These are presumably a reference to Elon Musk’s Optimus humanoid robots, which he claims will replace humans in a variety of jobs. What happens to those replaced humans? Unclear.

“Robots hold steady hands”

Replies indicate no one is buying Melania playing tech industry expert:

Could the White House have chosen someone better to chair this meeting? You’d like to think so, but the talent pool is so shallow I can’t think of anyone to hand that’d be a huge improvement. If Elon Musk hadn’t accused Trump of being a pedophile to his 225 million followers, he’d have probably gotten this job, though his ongoing meltdown means he’s still Washington persona non grata.

Heck, maybe this should even have been Barron’s time to step up and take the reins. Trump has lavished glowing praise on his youngest for being tech adept, apparently impressed by the time he turned a laptop on that’d been turned off by mistake (wow, real Zero Cool we got here).

Anyhow, here’s hoping that when they decide to pick a voice for their robot army, they recall this speech and tap Melania for the job. I can’t think of anything more intimidating than this monotone Terminator-esque voice demanding compliance as you crouch behind the rubble of what used to be a McDonald’s.

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