Becoming a father can be challenging. According to the Australian Centre for Perinatal Psychology, 39% of first-time fathers of children under 12 months experience high psychological distress. Some might cope in healthy ways; others – in questionable ones.
This new father wanted a night off with his friends on Halloween, but didn’t come back home for 18 hours. Worried out of her mind and furious after he came back and didn’t see the big deal with it, his wife asked people online if she was right to be mad. According to her, he could have at least texted or called.
A young mom was left to fend for herself when her boyfriend went to party for 18 hours on Halloween
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
He didn’t think he did anything wrong, so, the woman looked for support online
Image credits: stokkete / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: LeadingMedicine9571
In an update, the woman revealed what she had finally decided to do
The young mom posted some comments under her post that made it clearer that the boyfriend probably doesn’t respect her as a partner. Some time later, she edited her post and added an update. It looks like she decided to walk out and leave the father of her child.
“It wasn’t just the comments that led me to this decision — it’s also the way he’s been talking to me over the past week,” u/LeadingMedicine9571 wrote. “I’ve come to the realization that I need to leave him although I’ve known that several times, I just wasn’t so passionate about it until now.”
The Redditor claims her boyfriend used to talk down to her and treat her less than desirably. Still, she thought she could stay and work it out. However, putting the whole story in writing and rereading it gave her clarity. “I honestly just felt stupid. I can’t stand his presence half the time anymore.”
“He’s constantly muttering insults under his breath every time I ask him to do something,” the woman also added. “I’m more mature than he is, and I can’t keep maturing while having to drag him along and wait for him to do the same.” Still, her self-esteem seems to be intact, as she believes there is a person out there who will treat her “five times better than he does.”
The way her boyfriend talks about his past relationship also made her feel hurt and insecure. “[It] made me realize I was his second choice, and he treats me like it,” the woman wrote.
“I do feel guilt, though, because our baby loves him so much and always smiles and coos at him, and I don’t want to take that away from either of them,” she explained her inner conflict. “I’m not sure how my family will react, but I think my mom will be on my side once I tell her the truth about a few things I reshaped so she’d like him.”
Parents should take mental health breaks, but with respect to their partners and children
Raising a newborn is stressful and takes a toll on both parents. That’s why experts say that taking breaks is essential – for both parents. Psychologist Jeff Temple uses the oxygen mask analogy. “If you run out of oxygen, you’re of no use to your fellow passengers,” he says. “If you don’t take care of yourself, you’ll be a less effective parent and more prone to burnout and lashing out.”
Going out with your friends can be a form of self-care and “me time,” but it’s important to remember your responsibilities as a parent. Experts say that even 30-minute breaks can help blow off steam and make a parent feel like themselves again.
“A few minutes outside in the sunlight, drinking a cup of coffee or writing in a journal can work too,” child psychiatrist Dr. Stuart Lustig says. “Setting a timer and concentrating on your breathing for a minute or two can help kick start creativity and focus.”
However, when a mental health break turns into a wild night out without consideration for your partner, it can be more problematic. All parents need time for themselves, but there’s a difference between giving yourself time to breathe and running away from your responsibilities.
From her other comments, it became clear that the couple had a lot of trouble before
“He showed you loud and clear what his priorities are,” commenters dragged the BF
