We’ve all been there: a night off to ourselves, a sofa, a streaming service and what do we do? We scroll, click and scroll some more until it’s time for bed. We’re bombarded by endless choice and outside noise – whether it’s social media posts demanding our attention or oat v almond v soya milk. Sometimes all we need is a way to stop and sift. Instead of #nofilter, what we actually need is #yesfilter. So here are four people who’ve discovered when their own filters can make all the difference: from the punning comedian who gets himself into sticky situations to the online dater who knew what her filter was but couldn’t apply it to her own life.
‘My filter made me realise that I no longer needed fast fashion’
Rhona Mercer, editor, London
Most of my friends would describe their pre-kids lives as being a series of trips to the pub and meals at edgy restaurants. I, however, spent most of my 20s in a queue at the post office sending back my online shopping returns. And, if the post office was shut, I was on my iPad scouring the internet for clothes I would almost certainly never wear. I’m not saying I had a problem but I became so close to Dave in the post room at work that he almost got an invite to my wedding.
It was only when I met my husband Jim that I realised how extreme my addiction to fast fashion was. Every time he got out of bed he’d step onto a crumpled old shopping bag containing a top I’d never suit, fit into or wear.
I justified the fact that I only wore about a third of my purchases because they were cheap. But, as Jim rolled his eyes every time there was a knock at the door from the Hermes driver and became more and more determined to make our home (and our children) as eco-friendly as possible, I started to feel really uncomfortable about my unsustainable shopping habits.
“Why don’t you just buy one really nice, quality coat, instead of 20 cheap ones?!” he’d ask as he waded through a sea of returns slips, trying desperately to find our kitchen. I began to realise that he had a point.
It was then that my sustainable style filter finally flickered into life: I wanted well-made timeless clothes that would last and finally do away with my overshopping of disposable fashion. We moved house and I found myself a five-minute walk from a family-run clothing shop called Hub, which stocks enduring items, many of which are sustainable. Loving clothes and being sustainable were no longer mutually exclusive. It’s now my second home and I feel no shame about that; it’s definitely an improvement on the Post Office.
‘My online dating filter was spot on – but I was applying it badly’
Francesca Brown, writer, London
When I was in my late-20s, I knew one thing: I was likely to be single when I turned 30, despite being in a loving relationship, because both my sisters on approaching the big 3-0 broke up with their fiances in dramatic fashions and I felt it was a fate I couldn’t avoid. And – lo and behold – my boyfriend Steven and I decided to go our separate ways for the usual reasons: kids, weddings, threatened camping trips. We weren’t happy about splitting but we wanted different things.
It was fine, I reasoned through early morning floods of tears, I’d move on. I logged on to a dating website. Overwhelmed by the vast number of matches (ie anyone breathing between ages of 20-80), I decided to create an online filter that would bring forth the gems by dropping hints about anyone who loved The Wire, Nick Cave and large amounts of red wine. Possible contenders did arrive but they were not quite what I was expecting. There was the man who offered to come round and clean my flat while I watched; the one who said he’d only do first dates in art galleries (sure, sure) and the one who … well let’s just say this is a family feature.
Dispirited, I would moan to my best friend who was going through his own dating nightmare … Steven. Yes, despite breaking up, we were still hanging out most weekends and wondering why we couldn’t seem to meet someone new. After five years of this – I mean, we’re pretty slow on the uptake – I looked around his bedsit (he maintains it was a small flat) and I finally realised I was surrounded by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds albums and HBO box sets. I’d had exactly the right filter all along – I’d just been applying it in the wrong place. I told him my thoughts and, fortunately, he felt the same. Reader … I never married him but we do have two kids and have yet to go camping.
‘You can’t be a comedian with a filter … but sometimes I wish I had one’
Darren Walsh, comedian, London
Ten years I ago, I decided to turn my innate ability to pun into a comedy career and now none of my friends talk to me. This is because you can’t be a comedian with a filter – saying things that cross the line is part of the job – but that’s no good when it comes to real life.
For example, the time I got talking to a girl on the train to Welwyn Garden City and I thought it would be a good idea to say to her: “I’m Welwyn here”. It definitely wasn’t. Or I recently cheerily posted on Facebook that I’d just bought my sister a birthday present using vouchers she’d given to me for my birthday, and only then did I remember that I’d added her as a friend a few months previously.
Going for the laugh will always get me into trouble. So there you go, I have no filter and it’s not a good thing, although I find solace in the fact no one can be worse at watching what they say than my French dad. He accidentally let slip that I was adopted. Talk about a faux Pa. (Sorry.)
‘I spent way too much time trying to find holidays until I found my filter’
Natasha Arti, marketing manager, Nottingham
The luxury of choosing a holiday should be easy, but every time I try to make a plan, I am crippled by too much choice. Which country to visit? How far am I willing to fly? Which hotel has the nicest views and the best wifi connection? Europe is especially hard … There are so many beautiful cities but where do you begin? Italy or Spain or Greece … Oh and did I mention the Instagram opportunities? It’s not my main reason to go somewhere but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a small factor.
And then, after weeks and weeks of checking for the cities with the cheapest flights and scouring the web for last-minute beach breaks, I have a revelation – I need a filter. One that will cut out all the messing about and get me to where I want to be. So what is my filter? The answer is money (I’ve saved for this trip so I cannot waste it) and time (I’ve booked off holiday from work so it has to be worth it). With those clear parameters in place I find myself back in Toronto every single time and it’s never a mistake. I love the city, I know people there and it’s guaranteed fun. Thank you, filters.
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