Role Model [Tucker Pillsbury] is about to kick off Laneway 2026 and, respectfully, I think it’s my civic duty to figure out who his Sally should be at every stop. It’s called journalism, baby!
If you don’t know what a ‘Sally’ is, during Role Model’s song “Sally, When The Wine Runs Out”, Tucker literally yells, “Where’s my Sally tonight?” and either a celeb or an unhinged fan comes onto the stage to dance around and be serenaded. These guest moments turned Sally into a full‑blown identity rather than just a girl in a song.
Here’s an example:
Role Model has said he picks Sally based on who’s giving the most energy, but at big festivals, he’s increasingly bringing out recognisable faces for those sweet, sweet viral clips.
So, with Laneway snaking from Auckland to Perth, here’s my extremely serious and not at all deranged pitch and investigation for who should be the Sally in each city.
Auckland
Laneway starts in Auckland, so it’s only right we tap directly into Kiwi icon energy.
Jacinda Ardern
Jacinda literally cited having “not enough in the tank” anymore when she quit as PM in 2023, and honestly, being slow‑danced at a festival while thousands scream for her feels like a pretty efficient refill. She’s popped up at gigs before like it’s nothing, so putting her on stage as Sally would fully cement her rebrand from “Prime Minister” to beloved former leader who occasionally gets wild at summer festivals.
Lorde
Lorde is quite literally New Zealand music royalty; it just makes sense to have her be Sally! She’s already a Laneway alum, so bringing her back just to sway around and commit to a hyper‑specific TikTok moment would be the most glorious use of her powers.
Mr Fantasy
Writers have called KJ Apa’s faux-British music alter-ego, Mr Fantasy, his “greatest role yet”. I laugh in the face of that description because his greatest role is yet to come as Auckland’s very own Sally. I can see his fuck ass bob, false teeth, retro suits and aggressively thirsty mic work now. Putting that man on a Laneway stage, pelvis thrusting, sunglasses on, yelling “do you know what I mean?” at a screaming crowd would be so on brand it feels like a prophecy.
Gold Coast
Laneway hits the Gold Coast next and, as someone who grew up there, I feel spiritually qualified to say: this city was built in a lab to create Sallys.
Margot Robbie
Margot is literally a Gold Coast gal (we went to the same school, and it is my entire personality!), so it is her God-given right to be GC’s one and only Sally. I said what I said! She’ll be coming down to Australia for Wuthering Heights press anyways so it feels like the stars are aligned on this choice.
Jacob Elordi
Jacob loves reminding people he’s a Queensland boy — he’s called himself “just a boy from Brisbane” while simultaneously wearing couture on red carpets. Put him on stage as Sally and let him brood through the entire song like he’s auditioning for another deeply cursed rich‑guy role, please! I have a vision!
Side note: he already knows the lyrics! Watch here:
Any of the Irwins
Robert feels like the obvious pick; he’s riding high off his Dancing With The Stars win, so we know he’s got the moves to show for it. Bindi would also be iconic, and we haven’t seen her in the spotlight for a minute now. But Terri once joked Steve had married “a crocodile‑wrangling Barbie”, and if that isn’t the blueprint for a Gold Coast Sally arc, I don’t know what is — give that woman her slow‑mo, arms‑outstretched main‑character moment. It’s her time!!
Sydney
Sydney’s full of people who would absolutely call themselves “Sally‑coded” in a Hinge prompt, so the options here are rich.
Abbie Chatfield
Abbie has really been going through it lately, and I think she only deserves this one. A three‑minute festival cameo where she gets screamed for, spun around and then goes home to debrief with her followers? That’s enrichment, your honour.
Abby & Tyrone
Triple J’s Abby and Tyrone bring exactly the kind of chaotic energy you want in a Sally audition. They’ve already interviewed Role Model and have even officially applied for the position, aka posted a TikTok complete with practice spins and dramatic point‑and‑pose choreography. If he doesn’t drag at least one of them on stage after that level of public thirst, it’ll be a genuine hate crime.
Julia Gillard
Julia gave us the “I will not be lectured about sexism and misogyny by this man” speech, which became a global feminist anthem and meme overnight. The only logical next step is putting her in Centennial Park, letting her do one tiny hip pop as the crowd absolutely loses it, and then having her vanish back into sensible shoes and global NGO work like nothing happened. It just makes sense!
Melbourne
Melbourne gets the Friday night slot, which is already chaotic, plus it’s the show I’m going to, so it needs to be the best Sally (non-biased reporting though).
Troye Sivan
Okay, this honestly makes perfect sense. Walk with me. Troye is friends with Charli xcx, Charli is friends with Role Model, and Troye lives in Melbourne. In conclusion, he should be Melbourne’s Sally.
In fact, he knows the gig well as he’s already been Sally once and Charli herself reacted on social media telling Role Model to “keep him”, so like he should make do on that instruction, no?
Charli herself got to be Sally on Saturday Night Live, and it’s honestly a moment that should be framed in pop culture history.
Kylie Minogue
Kylie‘s “Padam Padam” era proved she loves a ridiculous viral moment, so stepping out as a surprise Sally while a thousand gays implode at Flemington feels extremely achievable. That’s all.
Carrot Man
Carrot Man, real name Nathan, has become a local legend in Melbourne for wandering around town with a giant papier‑mâché carrot, purely because “it makes people smile”. He’s been doing it for more than a decade, stepped it up after Covid because he felt “the time was right”, and now has an Instagram fan account tracking his movements.
Putting him on stage as Sally, carrot in hand, while a Laneway crowd loses it would be the most Melbourne thing that has ever happened — and frankly, after 11‑plus years of public service, he deserves it.
Adelaide
Adelaide copping Valentine’s Day feels about right for a city that quietly hosts half the nation’s emo‑adjacent music fans.
Sarah Snook (but as Shiv)
Sarah Snook is literally an Adelaide girl who was born and raised in Eden Hills and went on to win Emmys and Golden Globes for playing Shiv Roy in Succession. Putting her on stage on Valentine’s Day, in full Shiv energy, would be hilarious: the world’s least sentimental girl boss being forced into a romantic lead role for one song while a field of people who’ve watched her emotionally destroy men on HBO scream their lungs out. The true meaning of Valentine’s!
Shabana Azeez
Fresh off her breakout turn in HBO’s medical drama The Pitt, Adelaide‑born Shabana Azeez absolutely deserves more clout from her home country.
Dragging her on stage as Sally would be the perfect “she went to Hollywood and came back winning” full‑circle moment for a girl who started out doing scrappy local theatre and lesbian space‑princess comedy in SA. Yes, you do need to look up the latter.
An AFL himbo (local club of your choosing)
No direct quote here, just decades of evidence that AFL players will say yes to the most random media opportunities imaginable. From Brownlow carpets to surprise reality TV appearances, the pipeline from “key forward” to “guest star in a viral moment” is well‑established, so throw one in a Laneway wristband and let him cook.
Perth
Laneway finishes in Perth, which means this is the final chance to go completely off the rails with the Sally casting.
Nicole Kidman
I have no reason why I’d like her to do this in Perth, but it just feels right to me. Nicole is in her single girl era after dropping Keith Urban, and I think she deserves a fun and flirty moment dancing around a stage while people cheer for her. Sue me for wanting this for our girl!
Mike’s Mic
Mike’s Mic has basically become the internet’s pop‑culture tutor, turning TV shows and pop eras into multi‑hour chaos lectures people genuinely take notes on. Even though he lives in Melbourne now, he actually grew up in Western Australia, so flying back to Perth to be Sally would be a gorgeous little hometown‑hero arc for a man who has built a career on over‑analysing exactly this kind of emotionally unhinged banger.
Chappell Roan
Chappell is literally headlining Laneway, and if anyone was born to stomp out in full drag, claim the Sally crown for the festival finale and then vanish backstage to change into another ridiculous look, it’s her.
Floating dream Sallys (aka delulu, but fun)
These are my chaos picks that probably live and die in my Notes app, but I’m manifesting anyway:
- Kath & Kim (both of them, screaming “look at me, look at me” into the mic)
- Healthy Harold
- The dog‑barking man (and then he barks into the mic, obviously)
- One of the ninjas from Prank Patrol
- The Wiggles (this one seems realistic tbh)
- The hot Wiggle who used to be in Justice Crew
- Actually the entire Justice Crew (and they break into a full routine mid‑song)
- Nikki Webster
- The MAFS experts
- Jai Waetford lol
- Rhapsody and Melody (those diva boots fairies from The Fairies)
- Jemima from Play School
- All of Hi‑5
- Succulent Chinese meal guy
- The “por qué no los dos?” girl (who turns out to be Australian)
- That orange cat in Sydney with five‑star Google reviews
Until then, I will be in the Laneway crowd manifesting because even if Role Model is out here picking celebrities and musicians and former prime ministers as Sally, there’s still a tiny, delusional part of me that believes it could be my turn. May the odds be ever in your my favour.
The post Who Will Be Role Model’s Sally At Laneway? An Investigation appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
