Monday
Having previously managed to spend my entire working life in jeans and a T-shirt, it initially came as a shock to the system to find I was expected to wear a suit as the Guardian’s political sketch writer. But even though I quite quickly became thoroughly institutionalised – I don’t give wearing a suit a second thought these days – the change in dress regulations that means MPs and the press corps no longer have to wear ties in the chamber of the House of Commons has still come as a welcome relief. I’ve always thought ties to be one of the more pointless accessories – a view not widely shared in parliament, with many MPs and reporters calling the relaxation of the rules the end of days. In one debate, Conservative John Hayes said he wouldn’t take any interventions from any male MP who wasn’t wearing a tie because it was a sign of disrespect to the house to have an open collar. Personally I can think of far more disrespectful activities in the Commons that happen on a daily basis. Like the deliberate avoidance of answering difficult questions. But it clearly turns out that I am the one who is old-fashioned.
Tuesday
The new musical The Committee, which is being staged at London’s Donmar Warehouse and is based on the appearance of Camilla Batmanghelidjh and Alan Yentob before the public administration and constitutional affairs select committee in 2015, has opened to indifferent reviews. Perhaps the writers chose the wrong committee. By far the most entertaining two hours I have had in parliament was when the Vote Leave director, Dominic Cummings, appeared before the Treasury select committee to give evidence on the economic impact of Brexit. Cummings began by deliberately getting the backs up of the entire committee by telling them he needed to leave soon, and things went downhill from there. He couldn’t see there was much difference between £33bn and £16bn, he couldn’t see there was anything wrong with saying intra-EU trade had fallen since 1999 when it had gone up by 39%, and he couldn’t name any of the Goldman Sachs operatives who had bribed everyone in Brussels because he’d be a marked man. It was like watching someone in full narcissistic breakdown. Just this week, Cummings has admitted there are some scenarios in which Brexit will be a car crash. If only he had remembered to tell that to the committee.
Wednesday
Some might call Jacob Rees-Mogg’s decision to call his sixth child Sixtus abusive. It certainly indicates a lack of imagination. Surely given a few more days, the Conservative MP could have come up with something that wasn’t guaranteed to make the boy a laughing stock at school. And if he doesn’t call his next child Septimus or Septima – Septic for short – then Sixtus will be taking his parents to a tribunal. That said, my grandmother was one of eight sisters and her parents ran out of names by the end and called the youngest Octavia. My wife and I took a rather different approach with our children by deliberately avoiding any names that were either too obviously try-hard or had any family connections. We chose Anna and Robbie – names that were just ordinary enough to allow them to be themselves without anyone having prior expectations of them.
Thursday
This morning I received a text from Robbie, who is now in his third week of a month-long surfing holiday in Bali that he had paid for by saving up all the money he had earned working over the Christmas and Easter holidays while claiming to be broke to his parents. Previous texts have read “Sorry not to be in touch, but have been moving around a lot and staying in places with no Wi-Fi”. He seems to think we are too stupid to know you don’t need Wi-Fi to send a text. Today’s message is worth repeating in full. “Not to alarm anyone haha but I got bitten by a monkey and had to get a rabies jab! So I’m all good but it also cost like £150 – getting a receipt so I can get it back on health insurance so don’t worry we will all get it back! But I told the dude I would pay him tonight so if you could transfer me the money like within the hour that would be amazing! I’m so sorry! Xxx.” I couldn’t think of any reply other than to send him the £150.
Friday
Children are a rather more picky TV audience these days. Back in its early days – though I dare say not in its earliest days, as parents like mine regarded all TV with deep suspicion and did their best to stop me being corrupted by watching it – Blue Peter used to regularly pull in more than 8 million viewers. Now it has hit a new low with not a single person tuning in to the Tuesday afternoon repeat on 13 June according to the British Audience Research Board, which monitors these things. Even Midsomer Murders repeats on ITV4 rate higher than that. But I’m not altogether surprised, as Blue Peter always did come with the “improving” patina of a Look and Learn comic, which is the kiss of death to most kids with any self-worth. When I did manage to sneak a bit of early evening TV as a kid I always made a bee line for Ripcord! – an adventure programme with the same storyline every episode. Baddy doing something bad, hero jumps out of plane, sky dives and catches baddy, the end. I loved it. Happy days.
Digested week: G19 + the UK
