ST. LOUIS _ Like most people, Elaine Brune is identified in many ways. As a retired educator, college graduate, Missouri native.
As a grandma, stepmom, wife and sister.
Brune grew up usually referred to as "she" and "her" and, sometimes, "he" and "him" based on an appearance that skews traditionally masculine.
Neither set of pronouns felt right, however. A few years ago, Brune landed on "they," "them" and "their" as the best way to refer to the 62-year-old.
"Because I identify as gender nonbinary, gender nonconforming, I think those are the appropriate pronouns," Brune said.
After retiring, Brune, of south St. Louis, began volunteering with groups that advocate for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender rights. They noticed younger people eschewing gender pronouns that label someone as either male or female. As Brune said, it was an "aha moment."
"I'm really grateful to the younger people who have recognized gender nonbinary as it is," Brune said. "I'm, like, old, and I've grown to accept who I've always been but didn't know there was a word for it."
Nonbinary is one of the more common terms used by those who do not neatly fit into the male or female categories. Another common term is genderqueer, which can be used to describe someone whose gender has changed or who does not identify with any gender.
"Just like gender is not binary, pronouns aren't either," said Leon Braxton Jr. "You can't always know someone's pronouns by looking at them."
For most of Braxton's life, "he" and "him" were the pronouns used. Then came a doctor's visit in 2012. Blood tests revealed extremely low testosterone levels. After more testing, it was determined that Braxton is intersex.
"In your case, what makes you intersex is that your chromosomes are male but your hormones are female," the doctor told Braxton. "Inside, you are a boy and outside, you are a girl."
While never feeling masculine, the diagnosis was still a shock to Braxton.
"In the span of 15 minutes I went from being an overweight gay male to an overweight, menopausal intersexual," Braxton said in an essay published in Vital Voice magazine shortly after the doctor visit. It's a story Braxton has told repeatedly over the years, tapped to give speeches at universities and companies on gender, identity and sexual orientation.
But it was not until last month that Braxton, 57, cleared up any questions regarding gender and pronouns.
"Hi! My name is Leon. My pronouns are she/her. Please honor them. Thank you," Braxton wrote on her Facebook page.
"I've actually always wondered what you preferred but didn't know how to approach it!" one friend replied.
Braxton, a popular female impersonator performing as Dieta Pepsi, said the straightforward approach was always best.
"There is nothing wrong with just asking," said Braxton, who said people had assumed she would use 'they' since she is intersex or 'he' because she goes by her birth name, Leon, the name she shares with her father. So she went to Facebook to settle the matter.
Jeffrey McCune, a professor of women, gender and sexuality studies at Washington University, said there was still trepidation to talk about pronouns.
"We have been programmed to think binary, and deprogramming ourselves is very difficult," McCune said. But doing so is essential, he said.
"You don't get to choose my gender pronoun for me, or more importantly, you do not get to choose my gender," McCune said. An easy way to open the door to a pronoun conversation is by introduction.
"Hello everyone. I'm Professor McCune and my pronouns are 'he' and 'him,'" McCune said. Doing so puts those in a classroom, workplace or cocktail party at ease knowing that proper pronoun use is a priority, he said.
Emelyn dela Pena, dean of the Center for Diversity and Inclusion at Washington University, said cultural change moved slowly, but it was moving.
The university is in the process of updating its record system so that when professors receive their class rosters, the gender selected by each student appears alongside the name the student prefers to be called in class.
But with more universities and companies focusing on pronouns and nonbinary identity, criticism has followed with pushback against what many conservatives call "political correctness."
One of the more prominent critics emerged in late 2016. Jordan Peterson, a University of Toronto psychology professor, posted a series of videos on his YouTube channel, the first taking aim at a bill amending the Canadian Human Rights Act to add gender identity and gender expression to the list of categories protected from discrimination. Over a two-week period, his channel gained 100,000 subscribers.
"The idea that gender identity is independent of biological sex is insane," Peterson said in one of several videos online with the professor defending his stance. "The scientific data are not only clear, they are beyond dispute. It's as bad as claiming that the world is flat, in my estimation."
Peterson is currently on a speaking tour throughout the U.S. after the international success of his book, "12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos." Stops this month have included Nashville, Tenn., Indianapolis and Milwaukee.
"There are some people who say we're trying to erase gender. That is a misconception," dela Pena said. "It's not about gender neutrality, but gender inclusion."
Using "they" and "them" as singular descriptors is an adjustment after being taught in grade school that the pronouns are to be used to describe two or more people. But changes by those who help guide the way our language evolves have weighed in in the past few years.
In 2015, the American Dialect Society voted for "they" used as a gender-neutral singular pronoun as the Word of the Year.
"The use of singular 'they' builds on centuries of usage, appearing in the work of writers such as Chaucer, Shakespeare, and Jane Austen," the society said in announcing its choice. The society, founded in 1889, is dedicated to the study of the English language.
The choice of "they" easily beat out four other nominees: "ghost" (abruptly end a relationship by cutting off communication, especially online); "ammosexual" (someone who loves firearms in a fetishistic manner); "thanks, Obama" (sarcastic expression in which a person pretends to blame the country's first black president for a problem); and "on fleek" (put together, impeccable, well-arrayed).
Last year, The Associated Press Stylebook, the go-to guide for proper grammar and word choice in journalism, added "they" as a singular, gender-neutral pronoun.
"We stress that it's usually possible to write around that," said Paula Froke, lead editor for the AP Stylebook in announcing the addition. "But we offer new advice for two reasons: recognition that the spoken language uses 'they' as singular, and we also recognize the need for a pronoun for people who don't identify as a he or a she."
Still not accepted by the premier style book: other gender-neutral pronouns such as xe or ze.
Braxton said misusing pronouns was not always meant to be disrespectful but often came across that way.
"Pronouns are important because they are the smallest way to acknowledge someone's identity."
Brune said that although more companies were stressing diversity and inclusion, the use of proper pronouns was not a priority for the majority of people, especially those who see the world as binary only.
"There are people that still bristle when I say my pronouns are 'they' and 'them,'" Brune said. "But it's a conversation that needs to be had _ each of us understanding where the other is coming from."
