Sometimes, one awkward moment tells a bigger story than hundreds of internet think pieces. That’s what happened when a clip from the Mormon dating show Provo’s Most Eligible went viral on TikTok.
The moment? Riley, a lively 24-year-old diva from Houston, stands in front of a group of men and women. She shares her love of adventure, scuba diving, and themed parties, hoping to find a partner who’ll match her energy.
“I’m looking for someone that wants to be my adventure buddy and is someone I can trust in and is gonna be there for me,” she said.
The women in the room are quick to respond. There’s a chorus of supportive “Awws”, smiles and nods — obvious warmth and excitement. But when the moderator invites any of the men to step forward for a chance to get to know Riley, the room freezes.
No-one moves.
There’s a heavy silence, and you can almost feel Riley’s confidence sink.
The men look at each other, exchange awkward laughs, and Riley is left to sit back down.
TikToker Ash Bartolo captured what many were thinking, “The men made it clear they could not care less about Riley. They were not actively listening to her.
“They were all just looking at each other trying to figure out what the best response would be, how they should react. And what did they choose? They chose to sit there and laugh. They chose to act like mean little bullies.”
What is homosociality and why does it matter?
That uncomfortable display sparked a new conversation about something called “homosociality” — a term sociologists use to describe the tendency for men to stick together, forming deep social bonds with each other. More often than not, these bonds happen at the expense of relationships with women. It’s not about villainising anyone — instead, it’s about understanding why these group dynamics exist and what they mean for real connection in 2025.
The dynamic from Riley’s clip is a textbook case. According to research cited in Bartolo’s commentary, “The concept of homosociality describes and defines social bonds between persons of the same sex.
“It is, for example, frequently used in studies on men and masculinities, there defined as a mechanism and social dynamic that explains the maintenance of hegemonic masculinity.”
In plain language, the men are less concerned with Riley’s story and more invested in how their reaction lands with their mates.
That pressure to perform isn’t accidental — and it’s not new.
“Men are often socialised to ‘perform’ masculinity, especially in front of other men in order to assert their manliness. It’s one of the hallmarks of Connell’s concept of ‘hegemonic masculinity’,” writer and women’s rights activist Tarang Chawla told PEDESTRIAN.TV.
“In groups, there’s pressure to prove you’re ‘one of the boys’ by showing yourself as being confident, funny, or even dominant. That performance sometimes matters more than how they actually feel. We see this in how the men collectively react towards Riley, where she is ridiculed and laughed at so that the men can ‘earn’ credibility with other men.”
Bonding at a cost — to women and men
This dynamic has wider consequences than one emotional TV moment. Sometimes, getting respect in the boys’ club hinges on making jokes or comments at women’s expense.
As Tarang explains, “When a man’s standing in his group depends on always being the big funny guy or living up to particular tropes, sometimes the easiest way to score points is often at women’s expense, whether it’s through jokes, stories, or casual put-downs.
“Even when these types of men don’t mean harm, it keeps misogyny alive as a bonding ritual.
“Approval becomes tied to belittling women rather than respecting them, and that dynamic is hard to break unless the group calls it out while also supporting and expecting a more respectful standard of behaviour and discourse from one another. In other words, calling it out is only half of it. The more important next step is to create an environment where those jokes wouldn’t land in the first place.”
This behaviour doesn’t just affect women. The so-called male loneliness epidemic that’s getting attention online isn’t helped by these social rules, either. Men might go along with disrespectful banter or freeze up in group situations, even when they wish they could be honest or vulnerable. Real connection can get lost in groupthink and peer pressure.
Changing norms and new Confusion
Platforms like TikTok throw fuel on the fire. As Tarang observes, “On one hand, platforms like TikTok expose young men to a wider range of role models, also including healthier forms of masculinity. Yet on the other hand, they also amplify this group of influencers who are essentially grifters, people who profit from men’s insecurities and need for connection and belonging.
“What’s shifting is that young men, especially Gen Z, are seeing each other’s performances of masculinity online as well as offline, which can make the pressure to conform even stronger because they’re bombarded with conflicting messages about acceptable manhood and they are trying to navigate their own sense of masculine identity within a difficult and divisive environment.”
Basically, it’s all gotten noisier. The rules aren’t always clear, and viral moments like Riley’s on Provo’s Most Eligible just how confusing and contradictory things can get. You might see the same thing play out in comment sections — sometimes genuine support, sometimes more of the same teasing or dismissal.
Where to from here?
There’s a way out and it starts with changing how men connect with each other, and with women. Tarang’s suggestions get straight to the point:
- Normalise vulnerability with yourself and with mates — ask how your mates are really doing, and be honest about your own feelings.
- Don’t let disrespect pass as friendship — aim for banter that lifts everyone up, not just the accepted boys.
- Expand your circle — bring new voices and perspectives in, including women, or creators who challenge the usual narratives.
- Remember, real life isn’t online — take care of yourself, and step back when digital drama clouds your judgement. Tarang said to literally “touch grass”.
The clip from Provo’s Most Eligible has struck a chord because it’s genuine and relatable. You’re seeing, in real time, what millions of men and women experience every day: moments where connection is possible, but social rules get in the way.
If any of the men on the show had just listened to Riley — or to their own instincts — maybe that moment wouldn’t feel so familiar to the rest of us.
Lead image: Girlboss via Instagram / TikTok
The post What Riley’s Viral TikTok Dating Show Moment Reveals About Male Bonding & Loneliness appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
