It was only a few years ago that the word “gaslight” seemingly had no meaning, but the term quickly became prominent following Donald Trump ’s inauguration in 2016.
Since then, the term gaslighting has become increasingly popular, with the Oxford dictionary even declaring it one of the most used words of 2018.
Most recently, gaslighting has been a prominent topic in relation to the Amber Heard v Johnny Depp defamation trial, which has continued to put a focus on domestic abuse and the types of abuse that exist.
Although now widely used, many are still confused about exactly what gaslighting is and when the proper context to use the term is.
We’ve created a guide to gaslighting, including a definition of the term as well as how to spot the signs and protect yourself against this manipulative form of abuse.
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that causes someone to question their thoughts, feelings, sanity, memories or perception of reality.
The phrase was coined after the 1938 play “Gas Light” in which a husband manipulates his wife into losing her sense of reality.
Gaslighting is a dangerous type of manipulation, it usually happens in romantic relationships but it can also happen in other types of personal relationships as well as in professional relationships. It’s also something that public figures often do, hence why the term first came to prominence during Trump’s presidency.
Over time gaslighting can wear down someone’s self-esteem and make them feel dependent on the person gaslighting them.
In a post about gaslighting for Psychology Today, author and psychoanalyst Robin Stern, PhD explained what happens when someone is gaslit.
She said: “The Gaslight Effect happens over time, gradually. Often, by the time you are deep into the Gaslight Tango (the dance you do with your gaslighting partner, where you allow him to define your reality) you are not the same strong self you used to be.
“In fact, your ego functioning has been compromised and, no longer being certain of your reality, you are not often able to accurately identify when something is "off" with your partner.”
Gaslighting is classed as domestic abuse, which is a criminal offence in the UK. If you are experiencing coercive control in the form of gaslighting you can report this to the police.
What are gaslighting behaviours?
Gaslighting occurs because someone wants to exhibit control over another person, but there are many different types of behaviours that a gaslighter may exhibit in order to do this.
A few types of gaslighting behaviours include:
- Denying your recollection of events
- Insisting that you have done or said something you know you didn’t
- Minimising your thoughts and feelings by calling you things like sensitive or crazy
- Denying wrongdoing or responsibility
- Retelling events to shift the blame
- Insisting they are right
- Refusing to consider facts
- Expressing doubts to other people about your state of mind
- Changing the subject or distracting you
How do you tell if someone is gaslighting you?
Although there are lots of different behaviours that you can look out for when it comes to identifying gaslighting, the nature of the abuse means that it can still be difficult to identify when someone is gaslighting you.
Another way to tell if someone is gaslighting you is to examine your own feelings. Common signs that could mean you have experienced gaslighting include:
- Doubting your feelings and reality
- Feeling powerless
- Feeling vulnerable
- Questioning your judgement
- Getting confused
- A sense of impending doom
- Struggling to make decisions because you don’t trust yourself
- Having an urge to apologise all the time
- Frequent feelings of anxiety or nervousness
- Constantly worrying that you’re too sensitive
- Feeling as if you’ve lost your identity
