TINKER, TAILOR …
After enduring months of the infuriatingly pleasant Guus Hiddink, a cuddly beekeeper of a man, the Fiver is relieved to see a bit of rough back at Stamford Bridge. Because win, lose or draw, with Antonio Conte it is going to be fun: if the Italian nearly ruptured a blood vessel explaining a three-man defence to Branislav Ivanovic in training this week, it should be interesting to see his reaction on the sidelines once Baba Rahman has some actual defending to do.
Conte is not normally a man who minces his words. He was nicknamed The Godfather by the Italian national side because, as Leonardo Bonucci explained. “When he talks, you listen.” When he was appointed Juventus manager in 2011, he told his players: “Lads, we’ve finished seventh in the last two years. Crazy stuff, absolutely appalling. I’ve not come here for that. It’s time we stopped being crap. Turning around this ship is not a polite request; it’s an order, a moral obligation.”
Lord knows what he might have said to the Chelsea player in private after their 10th-placed finish last season. But in public, well-coiffured and dressed in the finest Italian linens, he was wheeled out in front of the English media for the first time on Thursday to talk the good talk.
“When I was in Italy I liked to say the coach is like a tailor, who must make the best dress for the team,” he said. “What’s important is the right spirit of the team and good organisation.”
While Chelsea’s Brave John Terry’s choice of clothes might be questionable, especially during Champions League finals, his ‘spirit’ is not in doubt, and Conte revealed he cannot be bothered with the emotional fallout of asking won’t ask CBJT to give up the armband.
“[CBJT] is the captain of Chelsea. When he plays, when he doesn’t play. You are always the captain. Always.” I picked that [CBJT] is an important player for me, for the club, for the fans, for all. He signed in May no? Yes. But all decisions we take together, all decisions: me and the club.”
Yep, the Fiver thinks Conte is going to fit in just fine. His English was better than most British managers – “I hope there’s a small flame that we can grow into a blazing inferno” – and he’s always got a mate up in Leicester that he can fall back on. “In the future I will call Claudio Ranieri. He is a lovely man and I will ask him for a bit of advice,” Conte smirked, omitting the part about also asking for N’Golo Kanté. Of all the people to topple to the tinkerman, the Fiver suspects that it might just be the tailor that does it.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“There are some things it would just be better not to put to the vote. I’m not disappointed that my goal was not elected. Everyone knows but that my goal was the most beautiful. Perhaps all Hungarians have voted,” – Xherdan Shaqiri is unimpressed that Zoltan Gera’s effort for Hungary against Portugal won the official goal of Euro 2016 award.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Did Brendan Rodgers honestly complain his players were ‘overtired?’ Just plain tired would have been cause for concern, given it’s the first competitive game they’ve played since their two months off! But ‘overtired?’ Oh dear … If I was Brendan (and I often thank the lord I’m not), I would be a worried man, given the season has only just begun,” Dan Makeham.
“Big Paper says that Graziano Pellè could have turned down the £34m he will personally earn as ‘he must know he has given up the chance ever to be a phenomenon again’. Phenomenon? Again?” – Noble Francis.
“Not sure if you can forward this on to your tech support team, but my daily copy of The Fiver seems to have been replaced by the daily Adebayo Akinfenwa Newsletter? – Chad Thomas.
“Fun fact: His sister reads The Fiver, apparently,” – Christopher Smith.
“Best three-word review I ever saw was for the Flintstones 1994 movie – ‘Yabba-Dabba-Don’t!’” – Patrick Tabone.
• Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Christopher Smith.
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BITS AND BOBS
Chelsea have coughed up £27m and waved it in the faces of Leicester City in the hope it will secure the services of N’Golo Kanté. Nemanja Matic will be pushed through the door marked ‘Do One’ when it does.
The Paul Pogba Transfer Saga. Act XXIV Chapter VIII Verse II.
Nasty Leeds have been ordered to pay the former academy welfare officer Lucy Ward £290,000 following her employment tribunal victory against the club.
Christian Benteke intends stay and fight the next club suit he lays eyes on for his place at Liverpool if the club’s £32.5m asking price is not met.
Not very good football team + disastrous loss to Iceland and resignation of manager = a fall to 13th in the world rankings. Wales, on the other hand, are up to 11th.
STILL WANT MORE?
Want guaranteed success at five-a-side and all the fame, glory and riches that come with it? Read this extract of Nick Ascroft’s book and needlessly kick the ball into the corner no more.
Paul Wilson walks in the joint, casts his eye over the Premier League big spenders and calculates who has done the best business so far this summer.
Nick Miller follows him into the joint and casts his eye over the Football League big spenders.
Owen Gibson explains why England cannot afford to get the appointment of their next manager wrong. Literally.
Julian Draxler and/or Gonzalo Higuaín to Arsenal? The Rumour Mill roots around and reels out a couple of ol’ favourites.
Ryan Giggs: An Anthology features in this week’s Classic YouTube.
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