At the age of 17, Juthamanee Diloksopon was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Since the symptoms make it impossible for her to manage daily life, her parents decided to admit her to a hospital for a one-year treatment.
Juthamanee initially received treatment primarily with medication. However, due to her pre-existing condition of epilepsy, she experienced severe side effects. Therefore, doctors reduced the medication and shifted focus to psychotherapy, which proved to be highly effective.
After being discharged from the hospital, Juthamanee returned to normal life and is now studying at the Faculty of Painting, Sculpture and Graphic Arts, Silpakorn University. Although she can carry out daily activities normally, her PTSD may return when she is exposed to triggers, whether it is a specific smell, certain places, or personality traits similar to the person who caused her trauma.
"I feel that symptoms are an expression of extreme fear. When I encounter a trigger, I suddenly start shaking. I realise that I need to get out of there as quickly as possible. If I stay longer, I will have flashbacks to the traumatic event, which is incredibly painful," said Juthamanee.
"Even though I can live normally in society, my emotions fluctuate every second. Therefore, I have trained myself to catch my emotions quickly, stay mindful and recognise the symptoms. I must be aware of my own conditions and limitations when it comes to living with others."
As an aspiring artist, Juthamanee observed these recurring states and was fascinated by how emotions impact the physical body.
She eventually brought her innermost feelings to life through her art exhibition "Psyche And Flesh". Her work was selected to be a part of the MMADness Is Calling project, which is now on display at MMAD Gallery 1.
"Psyche And Flesh" exhibits three main artworks -- Rebirth, Insomnia and Neurochemistry. Juthamanee created the first piece, Rebirth, as a sculpture where the upper part is a female figure and the lower part is made from its own mould. While traditional casting requires destroying the cast to remove the sculpture, the artist chose a mould technique, which allows each piece to be removed and reassembled without destroying the cast. Then, the mould was used as the lower section of the sculpture's body and was transformed into her diary to express struggles with PTSD through upside-down text.
"I wrote my PTSD experience directly on the mould; some of these texts were transferred onto the surface of the female sculpture. I had to carefully smooth the piece before attaching it to the lower mould section. For me, this process was a metaphor for rebirth, which inspired the artwork title," she explained.
Juthamanee created the installation Insomnia to document the moment in physical form when she went through 24 hours of insomnia. Insomnia consists of a large abstract painting splashed with Chinese ink to represent an uncontrollable state. Next to it, a pillow is suspended by black threads in the middle of the room. The black threads holding up the pillow reflect the inner tension that prevents the body from truly resting.
Since Rebirth and Insomnia were based on first-hand experience, her thesis adviser expressed concern that she might have to revisit past trauma every time she goes through the creative process. Therefore, the adviser recommended she work from a third-person viewpoint, which inspired her latest creation Neurochemistry.
Juthamanee interviewed several individuals with mental health conditions and psychiatrists to find common ground and translated these insights into artwork. This information and data also serve as foundational research for her thesis.
Neurochemistry features seven layers of white curtains and represents the human brain. This artwork portrays conditions of imbalanced brain chemicals during medical treatment and self-control. On the floor are two semicircular trays filled with black Chinese ink, which symbolise brain chemicals. As viewers step through the curtains, they will hear a high ringing sound, which mimics a type of tinnitus experienced by individuals with PTSD. The sound element reflects the struggles between controllable and uncontrollable internal states.
When Juthamanee was asked about feedback from viewers, she was thrilled to share comments that she received via Instagram.
"A female viewer told me that she travelled from Chon Buri to see my work. She thanked me for creating this exhibition. She mentioned that she also experienced insomnia and the exhibit perfectly captures the condition into a tangible form. I told her that I was touched that my work was able to help other viewers understand the state of mind that I wanted to express," she said.
"Another male viewer tagged me on Instagram. He told me that he loved the exhibition. As a fellow artist who also has a mental health condition, he tried to explore the exhibition through his mind as I suggested on a video. Though he did not understand the whole idea, he found comfort in seeing these mental health conditions in tangible forms. He felt that he is not struggling alone to overcome a mental condition. He believed that healing is possible. His message provided me with immense encouragement."
These three artworks were initially created for a university assignment. When Juthamanee presented her work and shared her PTSD experiences with lecturers, she faced the reality that not everyone can understand mental health conditions. After she conducted interviews with psychiatrists and individuals living with these conditions, her project became much more informative and convincing.
Juthamanee hopes that the exhibition will help people recognise the reality of mental health conditions: "I do not expect others to understand people with this mental health condition, but I do want them to recognise that this condition truly exists."
"Psyche And Flesh" runs at MMAD Gallery 1, 2nd floor of MMAD, MunMun Srinakarin at Seacon Square Srinagarindra, until June 21. Admission is free. For more information, visit facebook.com/MunMunArtDestination.
