Bridesmaid season is upon us — which means friendship breakup season is, too.
As weddings have become bigger, pricier and more elaborate than ever, so has the role of the bridesmaid. Once largely ceremonial, today it’s a part-time job that stretches across months of planning, logistics and labor. Today’s bridesmaids are expected to organize bachelorette trips, chase accommodation payments, maintain color-coded spreadsheets and, on the wedding day itself, sometimes even mediate family drama.
During this fraught time, some of the most robust, decades-long friendships will be put to the test: in iMessage group chats, endless email chains and on the wedding day itself.
The toll is not only emotional, but often financial, too. The average cost of a hometown wedding in 2026 is $34,200, according to The Knot’s latest research. Meanwhile, a domestic destination wedding costs an average of $41,700 and an international destination is closer to $44,000. Bridesmaids are increasingly left to absorb these exorbitant costs, from travel and bachelorette parties to dresses, hair and makeup.
The evolution of the modern wedding has led to some truly horrific horror stories — here are some of the most shocking we heard…
‘It’s like I got nuked from orbit and I'm supposed to emerge from the crater with flowers and an apology’
My close friend of 10 years is getting married next year. For her bridal shower, she found an Airbnb in Michigan for around $700 per person. I thought it was steep, so another friend and I decided to talk to her about finding a cheaper place.
Then I got put into a group chat thinking we were brainstorming, but she sent a link to the booked Airbnb. When I asked for the total cost, the bride said around $1,100 per person for lodging alone.
I was shocked – I immediately texted her privately saying I wasn’t expecting it to be that much, but that I love her and would make it work at a lower cost. I work in local government; I don’t make the sort of money to spend on a weekend away, and I don’t get much P.T.O.
A day later, the bride texted me telling me, “It doesn't sit right in my heart that you can't prioritize to celebrate me, so I'll be moving forward with my bridal party with these three other friends.”
I didn’t even know the friendship was on the line. I was deeply apologetic. I put so much emotional energy into it, crying and talking to my family.
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She said she just needed space, but we haven't spoken since. It feels like a breakup. She seems like a stranger. It’s like I got nuked from orbit and I'm supposed to emerge from the crater with flowers and an apology.
My friends told me I put everybody in a difficult position by bowing out, but I had never actually agreed to forfeit that money, nor would I plan a trip where one person pulling out throws everything into chaos. I understand being in a wedding costs money, but it doesn't have to be completely onerous.
Standing up there with someone on their big day is a favor, so we should be appreciative and not treat our friends like workhorses. I still want to celebrate my friends, but the expectation that we're all supposed to stop life and bend over backwards for a bachelorette is kind of ridiculous.
- Lex, 29, local government worker from Cincinnati, Ohio
‘It’s an unreasonable way to treat your friends’
I was surprised when my former college roommate asked me to be her co-maid of honor in the summer of 2024. I thought I’d just be a bridesmaid — she’s got other childhood friends who she’s way closer with.
But it turns out the role was probably picked for me for my organizational skills. I ended up being the unofficial wedding planner. Everything about this wedding consumed my life — I spent three to five hours per week in the build-up working on the planning, and probably 10 hours per week as it got closer.
Everything I did was nitpicked at. I made invitations for the bridal shower on Canva, and the bride questioned every tiny detail. I was like, ‘I'm not actually your graphic designer… I'm not being paid to do this.’ I even hosted six girls in my apartment for her bachelorette, costing me about $1,200 in decor, food and hosting essentials.
And then there was the actual wedding. Earlier this year, we all flew from the U.S. to the wedding venue in rural France, which the bride called “The chateau.”
There was no coordinator, cleanup crew, or staff — I was in charge of lots of duties and did dishes each night. I had to liaise via Google Translate with the non-English-speaking violist and florist while the bride freaked out and yelled at bridesmaids over the timing of their entrance down the aisle.
We were initially asked to take five days off work, but in total, I took eight days of P.T.O. and easily spent between $3,000 and $4,000, including paying for the other co-maid of honor’s dress without reimbursement.
From my experience, it’s an unreasonable way to treat your friends. I’m still close with the bride, but I began to resent her throughout the process. I didn’t even speak to her on her actual wedding day. If I could advise someone about to become a maid of honor, I recommend getting clear on expectations first.
- Iris*, 29, communications professional
‘The type A bridezilla cancelled the bachelorette because we couldn’t afford it. It made me reevaluate our friendship’
When my ‘little sister’ from my college sorority got engaged to her school sweetheart, we were all in our early twenties and freshly postgrad kids and barely had any money. Yet she decided to have a destination wedding in Florida, when most of us were from Texas.
I was unemployed at the time when she asked me to be a bridesmaid. She knew what a hard time I was going through financially and mentally – I cried to her about how hard job hunting had been. I was worried about how I would afford the cost of being a bridesmaid, as we were required to pay for our flights, dresses, makeup and hair ourselves.
She also wanted to do her bachelorette in Florida on a separate weekend, which would have required us paying for more flights and accommodation. So many of us bridesmaids said we're already doing a destination wedding and saving money for that – it would have been another $1,000 or more.
She canceled the entire bachelorette because we couldn’t afford it and guilt-tripped us for not wanting to celebrate her. She just didn't have sympathy for anyone's financial situation. It just made me lose overall respect for her as a friend.
When it came to the wedding, she had so many non-negotiables for us to pay for. All four of us wore the same crappy, $300, 100 percent polyester bridesmaid dress…and it looked terrible. Our nails, hair and shoes had to be the same. She insisted we had to pay $300 for the hair and makeup ourselves, until she agreed to cover the costs of the makeup after some pushback.
I scraped together around $3,000 in total for the wedding. I wasn’t able to enjoy the day as much as I wanted to because I was so upset about everything that happened.
I’ve only seen her twice since her wedding last year and we aren’t nearly as close anymore. It’s the same situation for the other bridesmaids. It just made me really re-evaluate who she is as a person and ask myself, ‘Do I really want to be friends with somebody who values monetary value over just pure friendship?’
- Hannah*, 25, events planner
* Names have been changed
