As the proud recipient of four Tom Cruise Christmas cakes over the past two years, I appear to have become this publication’s unofficial Tom Cruise Christmas cake correspondent. And, as such, it brings me genuine pain to report the following important news: Brooke Shields no longer receives a Tom Cruise Christmas cake.
I’ve gone on about the cakes far too much lately, but for the uninitiated: every December, Tom Cruise buys hundreds of $126 (£101) white chocolate coconut cakes from Doan’s Bakery in California, packages them up with a note and a Christmas tree decoration, and sends them to his nearest and dearest. Colleagues. Close friends. Former co-stars. Journalists who kept asking Tom Cruise for a cake as a way to bulk out their word count two years ago. All the important people, basically. The cakes are very nice, and very rich, and – based on a sample size of just me – are often the only thing their recipients have to look forward to in this cruel joke of a life.
But, anyway, Brooke Shields doesn’t get one any more. Shields is very busy at the moment, promoting her new Hulu documentary, Pretty Baby. The documentary has won rave reviews in recent weeks, largely for the way in which Shields copes with having endured some of the disgusting excesses of Hollywood – essentially being made into a sex symbol before she hit puberty – and partly for the astonishing fact that she made it out the other side relatively intact. Shields is extremely open throughout the documentary, discussing Hollywood, her sexual assault, her mother’s addiction struggles, her friendship with Michael Jackson and even how she lost her virginity to Dean Cain at the age of 22.
And then there is her feud with Tom Cruise. In 2005, Shields opened up about her struggle with depression after the birth of her daughter, and revealed that she had taken medication to cope. However, this was in the midst of Cruise’s big career wobble where – possibly thanks to bad advice – he started jumping on couches and oversharing about Scientology, until he was effectively sacked from Paramount by the mogul Sumner Redstone.
And when Cruise was asked about Shields’s antidepressant use on The Today Show, he jumped in a little too aggressively. “The thing that I’m saying about Brooke is that there’s misinformation,” he told host Matt Lauer. “She doesn’t understand the history of psychiatry.” Pressed on the issue, he toed the Scientology line, which frowns upon the use of psychiatric drugs, and said: “I disagree with it. She doesn’t know what these drugs are, and for her to promote it is irresponsible.” Shields pushed back and Cruise eventually apologised, adding her to the cake list.
But now the cakes are no more. In an interview with People magazine, Shields reveals that she “had a good 10-year run” with the cakes before they slowly petered out. At first, she says, the cakes came signed from Cruise, his then-wife Katie Holmes and their daughter, Suri. But after the marriage ended, the cakes just came with a message from Cruise. And then they started arriving intermittently, sometimes skipping a year here and there, before stopping completely. And this hurts. “I want to get back on that cake list. It’s the best cake,” Shields told People. “Tom, I need to be back on the cake list.”
Now, what happens between Brooke Shields and Tom Cruise is a personal affair, and whether or not she succeeds in receiving a cake this year is nobody’s business but hers. However, this whole affair does offer some important lessons when it comes to receiving cakes from Tom Cruise at Christmas.
First, nobody should ever take the cake for granted. When a Tom Cruise cake arrives, it should always come as a wonderful surprise. You should never expect a Tom Cruise cake, and you should certainly never feel entitled to one. Tom Cruise giveth, and he taketh away, and we are not to question his whims. We should only be gracious when he shines his light in our direction.
But also, actually, you know what? Tom Cruise keeps sending me two cakes at once. It’s a lovely gesture, but it’s too much. Nothing would make me happier than if, this December, Tom Cruise took one of my cakes and used it as a gift to Brooke Shields. However, if this does happen, it is very important to note that Brooke Shields should then send me a cake of her choosing as a thank you gift. This is the law of cake. I don’t make the rules.
