MONDAY
I got talking to a troll at the Koru Club over a breakfast of kransky sausages and hash browns this morning.
I was really impressed with the troll’s ideology, which was an exact match of my own thinking.
“Wokesters are holding us back,” the troll said, swallowing a kransky sausage without chewing it.
“Yes,” I said.
“So are intellectuals,” the troll said, smearing fat and grease over their mouth.
“I’ll tell you someone else who is holding us back,” I said.
The troll belched, and said, “Yeah? Who?’
I leaned forward, and hissed, “Doctors.”
“Yeah. Hate doctors.”
I asked, “What are you doing later?”
“Oh, probably spewing forth some invective on social media.”
“After that?”
“Probably nothing.”
“We need to put your talents to work,” I said, and appointed the troll to a position on the Medical Council.
TUESDAY
I got talking to another troll today in a dark, festering basement, where the air was rent with piteous screams and the crunch of peasant’s bones underfoot, and I asked, “What is this place, exactly?”
The troll croaked, “The Fourth Circle of Hell”.
“Oh right,” I said. “I thought it seemed familiar. National held a conference here a few years back.”
After a conversation about political donations, I appointed the troll to a position on the Medical Council.
WEDNESDAY
I paid a visit to the Ninth Circle of Hell today, and appointed Satan to a position on the Medical Council. It was a difficult negotiation. As a three-headed beast, Satan was busy stuffing three people into three different mouths, and did not pay much heed to my invitation but eventually things got hammered out.
I advised the Prime Minister about my three new appointments and he said, “Yeah, I’m pretty relaxed about it.”
“Thank you.”
“Keep up the good work, Simon.”
“It’s Simeon,” I said, but he had already walked away.
THURSDAY
I cannot abide journalism when it investigates right-wing governments determined to overthrow democratic process.
Sean Plunket’s good like that and I generally don’t have a problem with the Herald and none with Newstalk ZB but Andrea Vance from The Post is a loose cannon.
She questioned the appointment of one of my trolls to the Medical Council. She asked whether I was aware of the troll’s public profile, whether I consulted the Medical Council, whether any concerns were raised about public confidence, and whether I had discussed the appointment with the Free Speech Union (FSU).
Two hours and 16 minutes after I received the questions, the FSU issued a press release attacking Vance. They certainly move fast!
I hope that teaches Vance a lesson. In the best interests of free speech, she should shut up.
FRIDAY
I got talking to a troll at the Koru Club over a breakfast of kransky sausages and hash browns this morning, and appointed the kransky to a position on the Medical Council.
