The Sun can be relied on for the best puns ("Kate Expectations" and "Nappy & Glorious").
However, Wednesday's headline "Queen of the Yummy Mummies and her tiny trendsetter" in the Daily Mail is the first headline to have made me feel physically ill. Here are a selection of some of the other ridiculous royal baby stories that ran in the British press this week:
"Kate and William's families excited for them," revealed the Daily Express. Surely the scoop of the week.
Apparently, "when they saw that new hairdo, every woman knew," said the Daily Mail. I did not know. The Queen didn't know. It's entirely possible, since we're all wildly speculating, that at the time of the cutting of the fringe, even Kate did not know.
The Daily Star's fertility advice was strange to say the least. And we were quite taken by their "photo" of the baby. Just like the Daily Star, the Daily Mail and the Sun also attempted to envisage what the royal infant will look like. According to this picture (scroll down) mocked up by "the Sun's graphics experts" the answer appears to be a Crimewatch version of an infant Roy Hodgson.
The Daily Telegraph appears to be convinced the Royal baby will be a girl, citing a couple of studies and quotes from someone who runs a parenting website – and she will be tall. "Baby Cambridge's expected height," it reports, "can be worked out by looking at how tall the mother and father are."
The Mirror Online told us: "Royal baby 'tweets' from inside Kate's womb".
The only thing more irritating than spoof Twitter accounts is newspapers reporting on them. And newspapers reporting on newspapers reporting on them. Sorry.
