Yuck, here comes January: dark, joyless and dispiritingly cold, despite the globular rolls of fat you’ve accumulated round the middle after consuming nothing but Chocolate Oranges, stilton and Tia Maria over Chrimbo.
Is there a worse month to attempt a lifestyle reboot? While slimming down to sinew feels like an impossible dream, Nike has taken the hardbody ideal to heart, launching a global campaign that consists of nothing more than an automated female voice reading an accusatory tirade.
Basically, this is Radiohead’s sadsack robo-manifesto Fitter Happier – AKA The Most Skipped Track In Rock History – with an injection of fire emoji sass, calling us all out for spending 10 hours a day glued to our black mirrors when we could be pulling on trackie Bs. Forget bingeing on Narcos, fingering Tinder or tweeting to a handful of (likely fake) followers: time is precious, so go running instead.
Cramming this Trainspotting-ish takedown into just one minute apparently leaves no time to mention the thudding boredom, mortar-and-pestled knee cartilage and weirdly sore teeth familiar to any infrequent jogger. Back to Narcos it is, then.
