It is 7pm and a very nice man called David is wheeling a cocktail trolley into my bedroom. He wants to make me an (excellent) old-fashioned before dinner. True, it feels a little awkward. I don’t have “staff”. What is the etiquette here? Can I carry on unpacking? Would phoning my wife to gloat be poor form? But as the small talk flows (easily, actually), I decide: “OK. Bit weird. But I could get used to it.”
Such pampering can cost a pretty penny, of course. Not least at the Hospital Club, where the larger rooms (for the record, some of the most modishly handsome, comfortable and smoothly functional I have seen), can top £200 or even £300 a night. However, if you can bag one of the five starter rooms (these include two “sleeper” bedrooms with no natural light), you will – by central London standards, where prices frequently spiral off into the stratosphere – have a relative £124-a-night bargain.
Indeed, if you lie there considering endless Ren toiletries, your sumptuous bed or the macaroons and newspapers (albeit the Times) that appear at your door unbidden, you may find yourself, for the first time ever, praising Dave Stewart, of Eurythmics fame. He and Paul Allen, co-founder of Microsoft, opened the Hospital Club on the Covent Garden/Holborn border in 2004, as a hub where creative and media types could – cough! – “Create. Connect. Collaborate.”
Today, over seven floors, it variously contains a TV studio, a cinema, an art gallery and a private members’ club, comprising a restaurant and several bars, which guests using its 15 bedrooms have access to.
Now, I don’t much like private clubs. And if you have ever wondered why the British media is such a metropolitan bubble, echo chambers like this cannot help. However, if you are imagining some hellhole of braying Nathan Barleys, that is not The Hospital Club. For a start, it isn’t that bohemian. Yes, there are a lot of broadcasting and theatre people here (including several vaguely recognisable TV faces) but, on the Thursday I visit, the crowd is middle-aged, wealthy and groomed. These people look like the business-exec end of the film, fashion and digital media worlds, rather than the emerging talent. There are a lot of men in suits and a lot of expensive cocktails being drunk in the Martini Bar. Clearly, all the cool kids are off being skint somewhere in east London.
The main lounge is a cosier, more laid-back vantage point on this action. You can also explore the building’s art collection or, if the in-house Little Book Of Creativity hasn’t inspired you (its banal tone is more Hallmark than Hegel), attend one of the talks, workshops, comedy gigs and other events that happen here – many of them free.
What I certainly wouldn’t do is eat here again. On this evidence, the restaurant is trying way too hard to impress. The cooking is technically adept, and individual components are cooked accurately, but my dishes are full of tricks and unnecessary reinventions which mystify me. A £10.50 starter of pork belly, scampi and crisped fish skin (the advertised “scratchings”, presumably) sits in a bisque that muddies the dish’s impact. Monkfish kedgeree (£22) is served as medallions atop curried wild rice, threaded with preserved lemons, which trample over the other flavours on the plate. These include slices of raw cauliflower.
My breakfast, eggs Benedict (£9), meanwhile, is just poor: ho-hum hollandaise, thin, characterless ham and damp muffins. Come, luxuriate, relax. Just don’t expect a Chelsea Hotel vibe. Or a fantastic breakfast.
• Accommodation was provided by The Hospital Club, 24 Endell Street, London WC2, 020-7170 9100, thehospitalclub.com. Room-only from £124, breakfast from £3 (full breakfast £12). Travel between Manchester and London was provided by Virgin Trains (virgintrains.co.uk), typical journey time, 2h 9m, return tickets from £30
Ask a local
Will Beckett, co-owner, Hawksmoor Seven Dials restaurant
• Eat
My current favourite is The Palomar, a crazy Israeli restaurant. Also try the ibérico pork and foie gras burger at the Opera Tavern. For breakfast, I like the Turkish eggs at Kopapa.
• Shop
There are some great food shops nearby, especially Neal’s Yard Dairy and Monmouth Coffee. I also like men’s grooming salon Murdock.
• Do
The Royal Opera House is the big draw but there are loads of theatres. The Donmar has an artistic, independent feel.
• See
Covent Garden is full of interesting places. Look for Yorke Street, with Britain’s oldest street sign, and Dickensian Goodwin’s Court.
