Money and love are rarely comfortable bedfellows, with studies showing finances can split couples apart - or keep them trapped in relationships they might otherwise leave.
Nearly one in five younger couples have broken up over money, according to Experian, while OneFamily found that more than a fifth of adults have stayed together simply because they couldn’t afford to separate.
Talking about money may feel awkward, but avoiding it often proves costly in the long run.
Here are five conversations that can help secure your finances - and strengthen your relationship.
1. Agree shared goals
Moving in together, getting married or starting a family all come with financial strings attached. Without shared priorities, couples can quickly find themselves pulling in opposite directions.
“When you look at moving in together then it is important to discuss your future goals and aspirations: is it just to buy a house and see how it goes, or to have children shortly afterwards?” says Lucie Spencer, financial planning partner at wealth management firm Evelyn Partners. “What about foreign holidays each year, are you both willing to sacrifice these for the expense of home-building?”
It may sound unromantic, but agreeing on priorities up front helps prevent misunderstandings later. Research by Legal & General shows more than a quarter of couples are in a “financial situationship” – living together but keeping their money separate.
MoneyHelper suggests that couples who share financial goals and talk openly about money are more likely to feel secure and satisfied.
2. Be honest about debts
Debt is one of the biggest financial stress points in relationships...and one of the least discussed.
A UK survey by ClearScore found that one in six Brits say they’ve hidden debt from their partner.
“If you have debts or financial concerns, your partner is the best person to share these with, so you can tackle them together,” Ms Spencer advises. “Hiding them will add friction and result in a severe lack of trust.”
Whether it’s student loans, credit cards or a lingering overdraft, couples need to put it all on the table. Transparency is key.
3. Tackle day-to-day spending habits
One half of a couple might save before a big purchase, while the other prefers to buy now and pay later. Left unspoken, these differences can quickly spiral.
“Couples often have different ways of managing money,” says Ms Spencer.
“It is important to talk about how you manage money before you move in together to ensure your views are aligned and, when they are not, that you have an agreement on how to make joint purchases.”
A joint account for bills, alongside personal accounts for individual spending, is one way to avoid endless debates.
Apps like Splitwise or Monzo’s shared tabs can also make daily expenses easier to track.
4. Clarify family obligations
Financial commitments rarely stop at the front door. Many people support children from previous relationships or help elderly parents with care costs. Unless both partners understand these obligations, resentment can build.
“Where children are involved, ensure each party knows who is paying for which part of their lives,” Ms Spencer adds.
“This is especially important where stepchildren are involved, as people can feel they are paying for ‘someone else’s children’, which can lead to frustration.”
Discussing ongoing obligations, from child maintenance to care home fees, is vital before pooling finances.
5. Plan for savings and long-term security
Building a life together means thinking beyond next month’s bills. From buying a home to pensions and insurance, long-term planning ensures stability.
“It is often the case that one partner is ‘better with money’ and more willing to take on the financial management role - and often the other is willing to step back,” says Ms Spencer. “But even if one person takes the lead, the other should be involved and kept in the loop on a regular basis.”
Both partners should know what’s being saved, where it’s invested, and how shared assets are owned.
Annual check-ins to review pensions, savings and insurance can keep plans on track.
Start the conversation early - and keep it open
Ultimately, Ms Spencer’s advice is not to wait until things get serious - or messy - to start the money talk.
“Ideally couples will discuss money matters openly not long after a relationship gets established. This will stand the relationship in good stead later should ‘serious’ discussions about money need to be had.”
In other words, the earlier the conversation starts, the better.
And it shouldn’t be a one-off: regular, open discussions can help couples avoid resentment, make better financial decisions and build stronger partnerships for the long term.
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