Donald Trump has announced his candidacy to become the President of the United States who lost two stolen elections.
Trump vowed to make Americans great again. “We will be louder, larger, and hate each other more than ever before.”
A life-sized cardboard cut-out of Donald Trump was set up. Some Trumpians queued up to take selfies. Sadly, most of them also asked for autographs.
When asked what platforms he’d be running on he said, “Trains are for poor people.”
Crypto exchange collapses after invisible money goes missing
Cryptocurrency is the homeopathy of finance. The less you have, the better it is.
And if you have none of it, you are well ahead.
Cryptomaniac Sam Bankman-Fried, CEO of FTX cryptocurrency exchange, suffered a $US24 billion paper loss without the loss of any paper.
When investors said they would only save the FTX by investing in cryptocurrencies, everything went air-shaped.
Bankman-Fried said, “Sometimes life just creeps up on you.”
Then again, sometimes creeps just lie to you.
Sam is selling his mansion in the Bahama’s for forty million dollars, payable in cold hard cash.
It is said that money talks, but crypto just remains dumb.
Footballer gets intricacies of industrial relations law
Australia’s complex industrial relations legislation may rely upon the deciding vote of David Pocock MP, a non-member member of the independents-in-a-group Teals.
Po-faced Pocock is the member for Canberra by Canberra to Canberra in Canberra.
Pocock is perfect for government due to his skills of running, catching, kicking, then turning around at half-time and doing it again in the opposite direction.
“He’s like a celebrity who gives a speech about their political opinions at the Logies,” said a rugby bugger, “but now everyone has to listen to it.”
Labor caught between a rock and a coalface
The Albanese government copped heat at the UN climate talks in Egypt, the world’s largest pyramid scheme.
Australia defended our public subsidies for fossil fuels and other industries down to their last trillion.
The talks were attended by Chris Bowen, the Minister for Climate Change, Energy and Other Incompatible Things.
He explained the tight spot in which the government finds itself. “To save the planet we must destroy the planet without affecting economic growth.”
To prove Australia means business climate-wise, Chris Bowen was seen throwing a can of soup at a bust of Nefertiti.
In other news…
MAN ON CARNIVORE DIET STILL IN BATHROOM
US PSYCHOPATHIC GUN MASSACRE INTERRUPTED BY ANOTHER US PSYCHOPATHIC GUN MASSACRE
TREE ACCUSES GREENIE OF ASSAULT AFTER INAPPROPRIATE HUG
NORTH KOREA LAUNCHES NEW MISSILE AT JAPAN, TWO KILLED IN POLAND
MINT RELEASES COIN FOR VEGEMITE’S 100th YEAR, POST OFFICE CONSIDERS FLAVOURED STAMPS