Let us enrich the dignity and glory of the Great Donald Trump‘s nation to the entire world! Let us build a strong and prosperous nation by upholding the great achievements of Trump! Let us glorify the 79th birthday of Trump as an auspicious event noteworthy in the history of America!
As you might have twigged, the above paragraph is (slightly) reworded North Korean propaganda slogans. But, unfortunately, reality is about to catch up with satire, as on June 14 our dear leader is about to fritter away a ridiculous amount of public money on a vanity project that’ll be the envy of every tinpot dictator around the world.
US government buildings now appear to be putting up giant banners of Donald Trump’s face, echoing authoritarian dictatorships. pic.twitter.com/rKMbsTAYPt
— People For the American Way (@peoplefor) May 14, 2025
To celebrate Trump turning 79, he’s ordered a lavish military parade that will run from Arlington, across the Potomac River and through Washington, with the America’s military trooping past the Commander-in-Chief to wish him a Happy Birthday.
As per a new report in the Washington Post, this will see 7,500 soldiers marching through the streets of Washington, fleets of WW2-era B17 bombers and P-51 Mustangs streaking over the National Mall, followed by the modern-era planes and including 50 Apache, Black Hawk, and Chinook helicopters.
The streets will also rumble with the sound of over 150 armored vehicles, including 25 M1 Abrams tanks, Stryker and Bradley fighting vehicles, Paladin artillery vehicles, Howitzers, and infantry vehicles. Presumably, Trump also checked whether it would be feasible to drag an aircraft carrier through the streets before being told that wouldn’t work.
What’s the damage?
— VoteVets (@votevets) May 15, 2025
Trump and Musk cut mortgage help for Veterans—let them lose their homes. But they’ve got $45 million to force the U.S. Army to march for Trump’s birthday?
He’s a draft-dodging coward who treats Troops like props in his fascist fantasy.
MORE: https://t.co/zz3leygVRy pic.twitter.com/tmX7A4lnzW
All this comes with a hefty price tag, which includes housing the soldiers, repairing the enormous damage done to the street surface, and the massive clean-up operation afterwards. As per Reuters, all this is expected to cost around $45 million, a figure Trump himself has described as “peanuts”. What a man of the people!
The official justification for all this is to celebrate the birthday of the U.S. Army which, conveniently for Trump, lands on his exact birthday. But there might be a fly in his birthday cake, as there’s plans afoot for a massive protest to take place on the same day to protest this “insult to the American people” and hit back against him “eroding the people’s democratic rights, our union rights, vilifying immigrants, gutting social services, and much more as part of his right-wing, racist agenda.”
All we can say is that we have much respect for anyone brave enough to take to the streets to protest this gaudy money sink, as we have no doubt cops will be exceedingly heavy-handed in stamping out even a smidge of dissent.
Expect this brand of ego-pumping, testosterone-fuelled, performative chest-beating to become an annual tradition over the next four years. Until then, the message from the White House is to embrace and give the noblest respect and eternal glory to dear leader Trump!
