A KEEPER?
When Claudio Bravo signed for Manchester City nine months ago, Pep Guardiola was quick to extol the Chilean goalkeeper’s many virtues. “Claudio is a fantastic goalkeeper and an excellent addition to our squad,” he chirruped. “He has experience and great leadership qualities and is in the prime of his life. He is a goalkeeper I have admired for a number of years and I’m really happy he is now a City player.” Several ricks and one red card later, it quickly emerged that City had actually paid the thick end of £14m for a hologram.
“I think I have arrived in the ideal place,” said Bravo of his new club, a view that seemed decidedly ironic considering his almost unerring inability to arrive in the ideal place as shot after shot fizzed past him. Eventually replaced between the sticks by big Willy Caballero, who has since left the club, Bravo has just received a heart-warming vote of confidence from his one-time champion. Today it was confirmed that City have signed Brazilian goalkeeper Ederson from Benfica for £35m, with Bravo almost certain to serve as his understudy.
The 23-year-old flew into Manchester on Tuesday, to conduct a medical in which assorted physios and doctors tentatively prodded him with sticks in a bid to make sure he wasn’t as transparent as his predecessor. Their poking implements having met with a suitable amount of resistance, Ederson was today thrown a pen, which he didn’t drop, and duly inked a five-year deal. “I am very happy and my first impressions were very good,” said the player, who travelled back to Portugal before the move was confirmed by his new club.
Meanwhile in Italy, Manchester or wherever he might be on his holidays, Teflon Joe Hart has been left to ponder his future, having failed to impress during his loan spell at Torino from City. Following a series of trademark dropped clangers throughout the Serie A season, the 30-year-old has linked hims … sorry, has been linked with moves to Manchester United, Chelsea, Everton and Liverpool. Intriguing speculation earlier suggested he might be off to Roma, a club who find themselves in need of a new iconic hero with a super-sized ego following the retirement of Francesco Totti. With City believed to be wanting £20m for a player their manager – along with several of his counterparts at other clubs – clearly doesn’t rate, he may find his options limited.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE TONIGHT!
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Was I disrespected by the board of directors before I left the club last summer? Absolutely. That is simply how I feel, and you can never tell me any different. But you cannot play for a club for eight years, and achieve everything that we did, and not have that club in your heart forever. Managers, players and board members come and go. But Barça will never go away. Before I went to Juventus, I made a final promise to the board at Barcelona. I said: ‘You’re going to miss me’” – Juve’s shy and retiring Dani Alves gets his gums flapping before the Big Cup final.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
Producing the Guardian’s thoughtful, in-depth journalism – the stuff not normally found in this email, obviously – is expensive, but supporting us isn’t. If you value our journalism, please support us by making a one-off or recurring contribution.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
FIVER LETTERS
“Wednesday’s Fiver said about Arsène Wenger that ‘whatever credit this scoundrel earned over two decades of coercing athletes to manoeuvre leather spheres in aesthetically-pleasing ways he strained and snapped over six months of utterly unnecessary procrastination’. Firstly, hasn’t Wenger only done to his credit what has also happened to the hamstrings and ligaments of many of his players during his tenure? Secondly, shouldn’t this have been reported as ‘credit-gah’?” – Ed Taylor.
“Yesterday you referred to Mr Raiola as Mr 15%. Was this a typo ? Did you mean Mr 50%?” – Paul Watson.
“Nice Finnegans Wake homage (yesterday’s Fiver). Good to see intellectual standards are being maintained” – Mark Dawson (and no others).
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is… Rollover.
JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES
Chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not – if you’d like to find companionship or love, sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly folk who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it’s not the rejection that kills you, it’s the hope. And it’s still a much better option than this.
BITS AND BOBS
The Premier League accounts for 2015-16 show that when it comes to trousering obscene amounts of cash Manchester United, with £515m income, are champions.
United probably won’t be parting with £87m of that dosh for Antoine Griezmann, however, after Atlético Madrid’s transfer ban till 2018 was upheld, meaning they could do without flogging their players no matter how ridiculous the offer.
Liverpool’s new chief suit Peter Moore has got busy lowering fans’ expectations on his first day in work. “Everyone wants to see massive money but my business background is buying talent at the right price,” he warbled, through the medium of didgeridoo.
Super-$exy transfer news ahoy! Darren Fletcher has left West Brom for Stoke.
Wolves have denied that super Mr 20% Jorge Mendes is in charge of the club’s transfers. “Jorge Mendes is not in charge of the recruitment of this club. He can’t be … it is not within the rules,” roared chief suit Laurie Dalrymple. Oh. “However, is he a known associate of the owners? Yes he is.” Ah.
Juventus have joined Bayern Munich and, um, Barnet in taking some dough to call their ground the Allianz Stadium.
And Roberto Mancini has written Roberto Mancini all over a three-year contract to manage Zenit St Petersburg. Kerching!
THE RECAP
Sign up and receive the best of Big Website’s coverage, every Friday, it says here. Seems to be a curious lack of mentions for The Fiver …
STILL WANT MORE?
A game played with a huge 50lb ball? Not an Alan Partridge monkey-tennis style concept, but an actual thing that actually bewitched Britain in the early 1900s. Simon Burnton gives you the Forgotten Story of … Pushball.
Proper journalism’s David Conn runs through the Premier League clubs’ 2015-16 accounts, strokes his chin and then tells you whether they look good or bad. Read the full club-by-club analysis here.
Can Chelsea stay ahead of the game next season? The Fiver hasn’t got the foggiest. Thankfully Michael Cox is on hand.
Real Madrid’s highlights reel, worst dives and worst goals, plus vintage Huddersfield are among the footballing treats in this week’s Classic YouTube roundup.
Canada-based defender Netan Sansara wonders why there can’t be more British-Asian footballers, in this chat with Jack Williams.
Euro fans view – 54 fans from 22 clubs across the continent deliver their verdicts on the season just gone, from Feyenoord festivities to stagnation at Rapid Vienna.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
