Stephen Colbert
“Regardless of the endless roadblocks the president and his axis of allies are trying to throw in front of it, the impeachment inquiry keeps moving forward,” said Stephen Colbert on Tuesday’s Late Show, “and the Republicans keep sinking lower.” Supporters of the president “hit rock bottom awhile ago but, in the last 24 hours, they have gotten out the blasting caps and they are fracking America’s moral bedrock”.
Specifically, several Republicans were blasting the character of Col Alexander Vindman, the top Ukraine expert on the national security council, who testified before Congress with firsthand knowledge of Trump’s phone call with the Ukrainian president, Volodymyr Zelenskiy, in July. Vindman, who served for two decades in the American military and was awarded a Purple Heart for injuries sustained in Iraq, testified that he immediately raised concerns over the call, in which Trump threatened to cut off military aid to Ukraine unless they investigated his political rival, Joe Biden.
His testimony contradicted that of the Trump supporter and EU ambassador, Gordon Sondland, who told Congress that no one had raised concerns following Trump’s call with Zelenskiy. Vindman, meanwhile, said the call prompted him to “convey certain concerns”, “share my concerns”, “reported my concerns”, and “again reported my concerns”.
“It’s a classic case of he said, he said, he said, he said,” joked Colbert.
“Unlike Donald Trump, Vindman’s character is unimpeachable, but that didn’t stop all the president’s toadies from questioning his loyalty,” said Colbert, pointing to the president’s supporters casting doubt on Vindman’s loyalty because he was born in Ukraine.
Also on Tuesday, Nancy Pelosi officially declared that the House will vote to formalize procedures for the impeachment inquiry. “She even sent out postcards: save the date, and our democracy,” Colbert quipped.
Vindman isn’t the only veteran speaking about the goings-on in the White House; at a panel over the weekend, the former chief of staff John Kelly revealed that when he left his job in January, he warned Trump against hiring a yes-man because “if you do, I believe you’ll be impeached”.
“Yes, John Kelly has psychic powers – he can foretell the obvious,” said Colbert. “He’s Nostra-dumbass.”
Jimmy Kimmel
In Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel briefly flashed back 50 years, to 29 October 1969, when, just seven miles from his studio, the first internet message was sent. Scientists at UCLA tried to send the word “login” over Arpanet, but the system crashed after the first two letters.
Things have progressed since then; now, “50 years later, our president is using that very technology on a daily basis to tweet gems like this,” said Kimmel, quoting a Trump tweet from Tuesday: “Nervous Nancy Pelosi is doing everything possible to destroy the Republican Party. Our Polls show that it is going to be just the oppodite [sic].”
Trump was responding to Pelosi’s announcement that on Thursday, the House will vote to formalize the impeachment inquiry. In other words, said Kimmel, “for the past two weeks, Democrats have been meticulously gathering the evidence they’ll need to show us that Trump did what everybody already knows he definitely did”.
Kimmel turned his attention to the testimony of Vindman, which enraged Trump. The president “keeps insisting this is a perfect call” and that he did nothing wrong, tweeting in all caps that people should read the transcript. “Yet we read the transcript! This is why you’re getting impeached right now,” said Kimmel.
“And maybe the most disgusting thing going on today is the president and his sycophants are questioning the patriotism and loyalty of an American combat veteran,” Kimmel continued. “The people at Fox News found it very suspicious that our top Ukraine expert is from Ukraine. And it is suspicious when you learn someone in the Trump administration has actual expertise in his field.”
Kimmel pointed to clips from Fox News in which anchors and commentators questioned the motivations of Vindman, who emigrated from the Ukraine, then part of the Soviet Union, to America when he was three years old.
“Somehow the Ukrainians managed to indoctrinate a toddler to use our potties and do their bidding to one day bring down the president of the United States,” said Kimmel, who called the commentary “really ridiculous”.
“I guess it all comes down to who do you believe? The guy with the purple heart or the guy with the orange face?”
