Stocks on Woakes.
Words from Collingwood.
“Job done,” is the assessment of Alastair Cook. Even though it wasn’t a particularly convincing performance - especially from those who needed runs, not least Buttler - they are so far ahead in this Test Match that it doesn’t matter an awful lot. When we return tomorrow morning it’ll be England’s fresh bowlers striving to finish this off in style. Until then, thanks for your company. Bye!
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STUMPS!
With just four minutes remaining, stumps are called on the third day. After batting again instead of enforcing the follow-on, England added 248 across two sessions. South Africa have two days to make 466. On paper, at least. In reality, their job is to hold on for long as they can and hope that rain might help them out.
ENGLAND ALL-OUT 248! (WICKET! Root c du Plessis b Hendricks 58)
What a catch! du Plessis has taken a blinder at gully, the captain giving full-stretch with his right hand and puling in a blinder. It gives Hendricks a five-wicket bag on debut, finishing with 5/64. Fantastic work. South Africa’s target is 466.
Updated
61st over: England 248-9 (Root 58, Broad 1) Broad’s off the mark first ball, giving Root three swings at Pretorius... and he NAILS the second of them, SMASHING HIM INTO THE SECOND DECK at midwicket! That’ll do. He keeps the strike, too.
WICKET! Wood b Pretoius 18 (England 240-9)
Wood’s on the move before the ball is bowled but Pretorius is on target, bowling him around his legs. Of greater amusement is Root’s frustration at how long Broad is taking to reach to middle. We have nine minutes left until the close of play.
Root to 50!
60th over: England 239-8 (Root 50, Wood 18) Hendricks to Wood and he goes BANG over midwicket to start the new over, smashing him into the advertising boards. He tries to do the same again but finds the sweeper. Root tries to get in on the act, dancing down the track and swinging for the pickets... but doesn’t make contact. He’s better off standing still as he does to the next offering, timing a gorgeous cover drive through the gap for four. That’ll make a lovely photo, making contact with the ball as his back knee touched the turf. With another single to finish, England’s captain moves to another half-century from his 90th ball in the middle. That’s a 50 in both innings and his 65th score above 50 in Test cricket.
@collinsadam as a man of great political knowledge, your child could be born on the same day as Lincoln (12/2/1809) only 10 score and 11 years too late
— Dechair (@DechlanBrennan) January 26, 2020
Updated
59th over: England 229-8 (Root 45, Wood 13) There we go! 15 from Pretorius’ over, Wood once again providing the entertainment. Not quite as emphatic as yesteday with his Maxwell-esque slaps over point, but two outside edges give him two boundaries. I’m probably being unfair with the first of those - was more a steer. TV tells us that he has 90 runs for the series (once out) and a bowling average of 13.
From Joachim Demnitz. “My wife: 5/5, Me: 6/6, our son: 9/9, our daughter due: 11/11 but because of a mix-up of scanning pictures the doctors recommended and indeed delivered by caesarian on 19/11.” Missed it by that much!
Adam Hirst, too: “England seem to be playing this like a 4-day test? Hitting out to get quick runs before a declaration and an hour to bowl. I think they want an extra day off at the finish of the series.”
Home a day early after a massive night out, I suspect... usually the incentive.
58th over: England 214-8 (Root 41, Wood 3) Will Mark Wood add to his tally of sixes? He smacked five last week and three in the first innings. Until then, he only had eight in his entire First Class career. Nup, not here: Hendricks looks to have learned his lesson yesterday about feeding him in his slot outside the off-stump.
“Hi Adam.” Hi, Eva Maaten. “I love the way the OBO gets hijacked by fascinating, though cricket unrelated topics! My grandmother was born on 18.9, my mother on 17.9, my sister on 16.9. I was supposed to arrive on 12.9. but decided to be early (8.9) and nd my daughter was due on 22.2.02. She didn’t fancy that date, though. Greetings from the sunny and pleasant Wanderers.” You’re right, this has been fun!
On the same theme, Ant Pease has an solution for us. “To answer Chris McMillan, the chance of two people sharing a birthday in 1/365, so the chance of them both sharing that with another person is (1/365)^2 or about 1 in 133,000.”
Brian Withington had a go at it too: “Ignoring leap years and assuming only one child born in generations two and three, I make the odds of all three generations sharing the same birthday some 133,224-1. The first birthday is a given so we are only talking about squaring 365 and subtracting 1.” Great work, both of you.
57th over: England 209-8 (Root 40, Wood 0) Well, if Root is going to declare - and let’s assume he needs to do it in the next couple of overs to make it worthwhile tonight - it didn’t look like it during this Pretorius over. Three from it.
“Why do England persist with Jos Buttler in the Test team and overlook Ben Foakes?” asks John Graham. “What did Foakes do wrong?”
I have a few emails like this. I’d just offer the context that it was for Bairstow, really, that Foakes lost his spot. It’s only been since YJB lost his way with the bat that Buttler was given the gloves back. I share your view about Foakes. I would have kept all three in there at the point when he was doing so well. They are a fair way from being able to justify that now though, the other two both out of runs.
“Night shift in Australia and thank God there’s the blog to follow.” Great to have you with us, Scott Probst. “I’ve got to admit I’m behind the news, but it was alarming to see musing earlier about South African cricket being in decline…. I wouldn’t have thought this was possible given the talent they seem to have at their disposal.”
Yes, there’s going to be a lot of important words written about this over the next few months, I suspect. It’s both sudden and serious. There’s a lot going on.
WICKET! Woakes c de Kock b Hendricks 0 (England 206-8)
A little inside edge and that’s Woakes gone second ball. Hendricks has four. This has been a most commendable perfomance from the entire South African attack.
56th over: England 206-8 (Root 38)
WICKET! Curran c Paterson b Hendricks 35 (England 206-7)
Fun while it lasted. Curran was given a bouncer and there was never any doubt about him taking it on with just one man out there for it. But he’s picked out that fielder, slotting a top-edged hook straight down the throat of Patterson.
Updated
55th over: England 205-6 (Root 38, Curran 35) Pretorius returns and Curran is very keen on that, getting down the wicket and slapping him through the line with contempt. He’s 35 from 26 balls and batting like a dream. Earlier in the over, England reached 200 and pushed their lead beyond the highest successful fourth innings chase of 418, which the West Indies made against Australia in 2003.
Ian Forth returning to an earlier topic:
“A parachuted then dropped X!: Carberry, Lathwell, Balderstone, David Smith, Chris Cowdrey, Hamilton, Read, Selvey, Borthwick, Pattinson, Rankin.”
From an Australian perspective, I’d throw Callum Ferguson and Joe Mennie in. Both were brought in for the Hobart all-out 80 debacle, never to be seen again.
54th over: England 198-6 (Root 36, Curran 30) Another delightful Curran boundary, hammering Hendricks’ first delivery through midwicket. It wasn’t even that short; he’s just so organised square of the wicket. With that in the bank, they are happy collecting runs around the field for the rest as though we’re watching an ODI. It increasingly looks like they are going to pull the trigger on this declaration.
A note from Scott Roberts on Jos. “You took the words right out of my fingers with your analysis of how Jos should play in this situation, one which should be tailormade for him to perform in a free, Gilchrist-esque attacking mode. Like you, though, I suspect that Jos knows he’s playing for his place, which is something I assume Gilchrist never had to worry about.”
Is there anything wrong with simply resting him for Sri Lanka? I mean, they will want Foakes for wicketkeeping reasons. Fair enough. They need Jos fresh for the T20 World Cup campaign - and he has the IPL in April and the home summer. If after all of that he can command a Test spot again as a specialist bat, then what a good result that would be. And if he can’t, then is it that big a deal?
53rd over: England 190-6 (Root 35, Curran 23) Paterson has done plenty right at Root, beating his outside edge, finding his inside edge and generally making life difficult for him. But it comes to nothing. He goes up for a chat with the England skipper at the end of the over. Funnily enough, we can’t hear it on stump mic.
52nd over: England 186-6 (Root 33, Curran 21) Sam Curran, everyone! Hendricks gives him a chance to swing his arms early in the over so he does just that, pulling four over midwicket, a couple of bounces before tricking over the rope. Later in the set he plays another lavish stroke off the back foot, Root-esque through extra cover with supreme timing. With it, England’s lead moves beyond 400. Still some chance of a declaration tonight with 50 minutes left to play. I reckon they’ll do it.
“Hi Adam.” Gidday, Chris McMillan. “Whilst we are talking about birth date anomalies, I wonder if I could crowd-source some stats work that I’m too lazy to do myself? My son was 4 days short of being born on my birthday - which I share with my dad. What would the odds of 3 generations all being born on the same day?” Very Sunday-arvo-third-innings-declaration-runs-OBO-areas, right there.
Tom Whitaker on the same topic. “My best friend and I had our children within an hour of each other’s. His son is 42 minutes older than my daughter. It’s like a Pulp song.” Beautiful. One of my best friends is due six weeks after we are; we know each other from indie dancefloors and have spent months saying to each other that in about 16 years there is a strong likelihood of Disco 2000 happening.
51st over: England 176-6 (Root 33, Curran 11) Paterson is straight into it again at Root, finding an inside edge that whacks him on the unprotected part of his back knee. That hurts. This isn’t at all problematic for England in this match given their big first innings lead but this second innings really has been a scrap so far.
“An OBO quiz question for a sleepy afternoon,” writes Tom Bowtell. Okay, let’s do it. “With so many members of the 10,000+ Test runs club retiring over the last few years, I was wondering which current player *who hasn’t retired from Tests* has the most runs?” Good question! It must be none other than the England captain, with Smith and Kohli both within 300-odd runs away from catching up to him.
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50th over: England 172-6 (Root 31, Curran 9) Is that Sam Curran or Brian Lara? With just a tiny bit of length to worth with, he’s slapping Nortje through cover with a straight blade, on the up. A beautiful stroke. But reinforcing that he isn’t, indeed, Brian Charles (or anything like the finished product), he gets a fat outside edge from the next ball, lucky not to be walking off as a result of the loose shot.
“Century in a session” begins Andy Cox, grumpy what I forecast something special from Stokes when he came out batting like a dream. “Stop it - we’ve got enough superstitious nonsense in English cricket without needing help from Australians! PS I love The Final Word, but any more of this commentators curse on our batters and I might have to consider some serious retaliation. Like unsubscribing. Or giving a 1-star rating. Or both. You’ve been warned.”
Thanks, I think! As I’ll always remind you what it comes to curses, it is Mitch Marsh who I have burned on the OBO and radio more than any other. Lucky for me, he’s the best fella in cricket and doesn’t have it in him to hold a grudge.
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49th over: England 163-6 (Root 30, Curran 1) Curran is on a King Pair, of course. He’s through that, defending Paterson into the legside. I know he’s already 30, but there’s quite a lot to like about the new seamer, isn’t there? Very accurate, nice natural shape and has a quick enough bumper to keep things interesting. As for Slammin’ Sam, he’s off the mark and off his pair with one to backward point. Root has one ball to get through and he’s pinged on the glove. Very good bowling.
Before Jos fell, I was about to give you a Mac Millings offering. Let’s go with it anyway. “In the 7th over of this innings, a certain Tom Parker said he couldn’t rid himself of a ‘Ghostbusters’ earworm, featuring ‘Jos Buttler!’ and ‘I ain’t ‘fraid of Ben Foakes’. I am here to help.”
Let it rip...
If there’s Nass Hussain in your “Neigh!” Mark Wood,
Younis Bonnor Hall?
Jos Buttler!
Griffith Lumb Singh Beard
Pandit don’t Cook Wood
Younis Bonnor Hall?
Jos Buttler!
I ain’t ‘fraid of Ben Foakes
I ain’t ‘fraid of Ben Foakes
Gifford, Lee & Singh
Sunny Stew Cork Head
(Bis)hoo Kanhai Hall?
Jos Buttler!
Khan Vish Habibul Mann
Sleep Maninder Fred,
Younis Bonnor Hall?
Jos Buttler!
Updated
That Buttler wicket. The lead is 377.
💬 It's not happening for Jos Buttler 💬
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) January 26, 2020
Another soft dismissal for Buttler, who edges Nortje behind on the drive to fall for just eight 🇿🇦🏴
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WICKET! Buttler c de Kock b Nortje 8 (England 160-6)
Hands thrown, edge found. “The type of shot you can play at England,” says Athers, “but at the Wanderers the sort of shot that can get you in trouble.”
48th over: England 160-6 (Root 28) And drinks are on the field.
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47th over: England 157-5 (Root 27, Buttler 6) Jos is back on strike and tries to once again time a ball on the up through over. The problem was, it landed only a couple of metres in front of the catcher now positioned for that very shot. This is such a tough spot for Buttler to be in. Does he just go for it? But at what cost if it doesn’t work out? Is he more effective in that mode anyway? Whatever it takes, I suppose. I reckon it’s fair to conclude that he’s just about batting for his Test career.
“Michael Carberry’s being in that Ashes team (41st over) enabled Geoff Lemon, on OBO debut, to describe a drinks break with: ‘Carbo hydrates’,” says Smylers. “Maybe it was worth dropping him just to avoid any repeat offending?” The old OBO format! And what a great memory you have.
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46th over: England 156-5 (Root 26, Buttler 6) “Game within a game here,” says Nasser as Buttler takes guard. Indeed it is. Just as it was with Denly before tea. A big shout first ball! Nortje likes it for leg before; du Plessis fancies that he might have found an inside edge, taken by the captain on the deflection at second slip. The umpire keeps his finger down; a sigh of relief for the England ‘keeper. The TV replay shows that it wasn’t out on either front, comfortably going over the top. Right, he’s off the mark with a couple to midwicket. One to come in the successful over and away it runs for four through cover! That’s Buttler at his best, timing the socks off a delivery just short of a length, bisecting two fielders. Glorious! Eventful!
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WICKET! Pope c de Kock b Nortje 11 (England 150-5)
That was nearly how Pope got himself into bother a couple of overs ago and this time it has brought his demise, cutting too close to his body and instead edging straight into the gloves of de Kock. That’s his 200th dismissal in Test cricket.
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45th over: England 146-4 (Root 26, Pope 7) Pretorius gives Root a couple to clip before landing the rest in a shoebox just on or outside the off-stump. But what du Plessis would give for Maharaj right now, I suspect.
44th over: England 144-4 (Root 24, Pope 7) They are asking KP on the to comment on Pope and sure enough, the No6 plays a magnificent on-drive for four. “An exhibition of playing that shot,” he says. It’s off Nortje too, the quickest of the bowlers, which seems to have suited him through the series. It’s a long way away - and is far from the be all and end all - but it’s easy to understand why England fans see this kid play and immediately think about how he’s going to go in Australia two years from now. Now I’ve written that, there was nothing more certain than him playing a rash shot, edging a late cut just short of du Plessis at second slip.
43rd over: England 138-4 (Root 23, Pope 2) A far more more chilled out environment now that Stokes has been and gone. Pope clips a single. He’s clearly a smart young player so I don’t expect anything rash from him. A red inker, perhaps.
“My kid Ellis was born in 2017 on my birthday, 2nd February, and will forever be stealing my thunder. Next weekend is our 44th birthday!” Nice one, Ben Roberts. If we’re ten days early (whatever that means) we’ll be joining you on that date.
“Good luck with Feb 12,” adds Peter Salmon. “The birthday of my favourite ever cricketer, Gundappa Viswanath. Used to have great fun and boring parties interjecting with ‘Did you know I once shared a taxi with Gundappa Viswanath?’ It was a lie, but the party always went to a new and strange place, generally starting with the question ‘Who is Gundappa Viswanath?’ A tip for the listeners there.”
I hadn’t thought of checking 12/2 (or 2/2) cricketers! I found a morbib 12/2/1920 birthdate in my travels but I should, as people always say on twitter, stick to sport.
42nd over: England 137-4 (Root 23, Pope 1) The new man is happy enough in defence until the final delivery, pulling Hendricks out to backward square to get off the mark and keep the strike to end the successful over.
“Sibley might be mightily miffed but he now has a Test batting average of
40.22,” notes Romeo. “This is an England opener we’re talking about.” Indeed.
WICKET! 🇿🇦🏴
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) January 26, 2020
Stokes falls for a quick-fire 28 from 24 balls after slashing Hendricks to slip 🏏
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WICKET! Stokes c van der Dussen b Hendricks 28 (England 136-4)
Good from Hendricks to stick to his plan outside the off-stump at Stokes, rewarded when the all-rounder tried to bully him through extra cover. With the outside edge found, RvdD claims a straightforward catch at slip. Fun cameo.
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41st over: England 135-3 (Root 22, Stokes 28) Easy pickings for Root, given a full toss on his pads from Pretorius, putting it away without a bother. The all-rounder is back on the mark after that, finding the outside part of Root’s bat, played with soft hands for one. It gives Stokes a chance and his innovation gets him four! Not from the blade but byes after leaping across his stumps to paddle but missing the ball - with de Kock up to the stumps, he had almost no chance of stopping it. Four more to finish, Stokes this time carving out past backward point and beating the sweeper. Find a telly, the big redhead is on one. 13 from the over; the lead is 352.
“After yesterday’s ‘what might have been’ team talk, I was wondering if we could form a ‘dropped into impossible England situations and then getting dropped as a result’ team.” I like this, Adam Simpson. “Going back to the 80s, I’d pick Chris Cowdrey captaining an ostensibly new England ‘team’ against the Windies in 1988 after everyone had been dropped for being a bit crap. A latter days choice would be Michael Carberry for being just about the best player on that Ashes tour and being dumped as a result.”
Yes, Carberry is my nomination there. I still can’t believe he was sacked.
40th over: England 122-3 (Root 17, Stokes 24) Is it too early for me to say... century in a session? Probably, but I’ll look clever later on if it plays out that way. Sure enough, Stokes is on the attack against Hendricks again, driving him down the ground with tremendous class, to the long-on rope this time. Beautiful batting. He tries to hook to finish and there’s a noise before the ball lands with de Kock but the umpire is unmoved. So is the technology when the TV take a second look at it.
“Hello from Perth, Adam” Hello to you, Laurence Davison.” My wife’s due date and eventual delivery fell a few days either side of 12/12/12. I love my son and everything but I still kind of think he should have made the effort to pop out a little earlier. Good luck!” Thanks! Yes, I’ve relayed this to the bump. Are they listening? And I wonder what they make of Mark Nicholas’ soothing voice?
39th over: England 115-3 (Root 16, Stokes 18) Stokes is playing some immaculate strokes already. Just as he did in the previous Pretorious over, he’s managed to whip him away from fifth stump through midwicket with complete control... what timing. “No many players in the world can play a shot like that,” says Mikey Holding. Too right. Earlier, he took four more from a ball on leg stump. Party on.
“Best of luck with 02/02/20,” writes Paul Callinan. “I have nothing of interest to say about cricket, but can say that my two sons have pretty decent birthdates - 01/01/11 and 05/06/07.”
That’s superb. Our due date is 12/2 so we also have 20/02/2020 in the frame. My sense is that with numbers like that, and a father like me, it is almost certain that they will grow to love the nerdier parts of Test cricket too. (Or not! That’s fine too!)
38th over: England 107-3 (Root 16, Stokes 10) Oooh, Root’s going hard too, nearly choping Hendricks on the delivery after he’s beaten on the drive. With 33 overs left, they aren’t trying to bash their way to a 420-ish (light it up) lead before declaring to get ten overs at the hosts tonight, are they? They 324 ahead now.
37th over: England 101-3 (Root 11, Stokes 9) Pretorius to Stokes and he plays a wonderful shot through midwicket to get the board ticking his way. That pitched about fifth stump - what brilliant, nimble wrists. Oh, and he goes again at the medium pacer, dancing down the track before checking a lofted drive over long-on for a once-bounce four. He swings again to finish (of course he does), an attempted slog sweep, but doesn’t make contact. Fortunate not to lose his off stump but you wouldn’t know it by the way he and Root are laughing between overs.
“I take your point about Buttler being caught in flagrante but recall that at the time I was surprised by how clearly (and selectively) stump mic was doing its job,” says Brian Withington. “Makes you wonder about other occasions where the broadcaster leaves the public volume down. As with the falling tree in the empty forest, is it only a demerit if the broadcaster chooses to let us hear it?”
In that case, I don’t think there was much in it. Overall though, well, it’s fairly obvious to me how this plays out and SuperSport are true masters of the craft.
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36th over: England 93-3 (Root 11, Stokes 1) Credit to the South African bowlers who have collectively given up just 17 runs over the last ten overs, during a period of time when the visitors would have been planning to go at four or more an over. In other words, they’ve earned that wicket. Will Stokes tee off? The lead is 309.
WICKET! 🇿🇦🏴
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) January 26, 2020
Sibley out for 44 for the second time in the match as he tamely flicks Hendricks to short midwicket - England 92-3 🏏
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WICKET! Sibley c Malan b Hendricks 44 (England 92-3)
Sibley is disgusted with himself; he’s given catching practice to Malan at midwicket. Easy peasy for Hendricks, who gets himself into the book.
Updated
35th over: England 90-2 (Sibley 43, Root 10) My man Pretorius is back after his tidy spell before tea. He’s full to Sibley, who trusts his swing to drive again on the up down the ground, cut off just inside the rope by Bavuma, three runs added.
Mark Nicholas is discussing how high up they are in their commentary position and he’s not wrong. I was calling the Jo’burg Test two years ago between South Africa and Australia and it was the most difficult game I’ve done on radio, like commentating a game from the top of the Great Southern Stand at the MCG. That’s in contrast to Port Elizabeth, where you’re sitting on the sightscreen. What a joyous ground that is at St George’s Park. Can’t wait to get back there next year.
34th over: England 87-2 (Sibley 40, Root 10) Sibley is on the move from the get-go, taking the single on offer behind square. In a sign of what I am sure is to come in this final session with England so far ahead, Root has a dash at a delivery well outside the off-stump, playing and missing by some way. With Hendricks angling in at him from around the wicket he has another pop to finish but picks out cover.
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The players are back on the field! Hendricks to Sibley. PLAY!
“Hi Adam, hope all is well in your world.” Thank you, Andy Wilson. To answer a couple of emails in one post: my partner is now officially full term. So, the waiting game has begun. Will we end up with a birth date of 02/02/2020? Time will tell. Said with all the self-awareness in the world... I think we’re... ready? Yikes.
“Regarding the return of Jennings, may I share an illuminating tale from my own life?” Please do. “Having split up with a fiancee because it wasn’t working out, she asked to try again saying that it would all be different. Sadly even a spell in county cricket hadn’t improved her technique and she was still giving her wicket away far too easily and even her brilliant fielding at Boot Hill could not compensate. So probably no.” Indeed. But Jennings is a horse with a course, no?
A few more emails before we return. “I was really surprised to learn in the last match that the maximum runs in a Test over is still only 24,” writes David Murray. “I remember Kapil Dev hitting Eddie Hemmings for 4 successive sixes back in the 90s sometime I guess. Surely this record can’t stand much longer given the way batsman play today and the huge inequalities in test sides? Any thoughts on when or who might break it?”
I reckon it’s 28, the record off the bat held by George Bailey and Brian Lara now joined by Root (kinda) with those four leg byes in addition to 24 off the blade. Your broader point is spot on... it won’t be long before we see six sixes in a Test.
“Afternoon, Adam.” Hello, Brian Withington! “Talking of the all-seeing SuperSport cameras (over 29), has the SA broadcaster got particular form in terms of highlighting ‘high crimes and misdemeanours’ by the away team? (For starters I’m thinking Buttler/Stokes eavesdropping and, ahem, ‘yellow tape’-gate.) Shame they weren’t operating in Ukraine and White House.”
They do have form but I don’t think that excuses Buttler for his issue in Cape Town - that was on the live coverage. They did Stokes a beauty. By contrast, Philander’s send-off to Buttler didn’t get replayed. Make of that what you will.
@collinsadam I know Atherton and Stewart opened for England on many occasions before Trescothick came to the fore, that would surely be the last you’d think
— Dechair (@DechlanBrennan) January 26, 2020
Yep, definitely Athers and Alec. Anyone since then before Sibley and Crawley?
From Robin Hazlehurts. “To get a team with multiple wicket takers you need one where lots of batsmen bowl but the frontline bowlers don’t just do it all themselves. I’d hazard that an England team with Vaughan, Bell, KP, and Collingwood in it might do the job. And Cook. In fact I sort of remember an England team from that era in which everyone except the keeper had an international wicket, but I’m not sure... And nor do I have the foggiest how to look it up.” My problem, too! I have Statusguru and I have google.
The 26th of January is a very contested national holiday in my native Australia. If you’re interested in learning a bit about the progress made by Indigenous Australians in our game over the last few years, we had Dan Christian on The Final Word last week. Dan Norcross is my co-pilot while Geoff Lemon has a holiday.
“You cut me off mid-sentence as I was composing a panegyric to England’s 1989 Ashes bowling performance,” writes Ian Forth. “It really is quite jaw-dropping. 19 bowlers used, 15 of them taking wickets, but only one (Foster) in double figures. No one averaged under 35, more than half of them averaged over 60, while Jarvis averaged 145 and Malcolm 166, with a strike rate of one wicket every 264 balls. No one took a 5 for and there was only one instance (Foster, again) of more than 5 wickets in the entire match. Only one bowler, the opening batsman Gooch, played in more than 3 matches. By the end, England were picking bowlers (Igglesden) that the captain hadn’t seen bowl. By contrast, in 2005 England had 5 wicket takers for the entire series.”
Ahhh, the good old days! Yes, as soon as I typed my original request I had feeling 1989 (or other shocking tours) might skew it somewhat. What a time to be a kid.
TEA: England 86-2
33rd over: England 86-2 (Sibley 39, Root 10) That’s kept real low, Malan nearly sneaking under Root’s blade. The England captain shoots a smile at him, mindful surely of how that kind of volatility might help his bowlers at some stage tomorrow. He gets the chance to cut later in the over and doesn’t miss out, playing late in classic Joe Root fashion, bisecting the gap behind point and adding a boundary. That’s tea. England advanced their lead to 303 during the session.
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32nd over: England 82-2 (Sibley 39, Root 6) Paterson finally concedes a run, Root pushing him out to cover. No concerns for the captain so far, gently playing himself in before tea. I’m sure we’ll see him go through the gears after the break.
Nasser, who I really have so much admiration for, repeats a myth when talking about England’s decision to bat again, saying that the VVS/Dravid Test of 2001 changed everything when it comes to the follow-on. In some ways, that’s true. But not for Steve Waugh. Get this: he had the chance to enforce the follow on seven further times after Kolkata and he did so seven times for seven wins.
31st over: England 81-2 (Sibley 39, Root 5) Pieter Malan! Welcome to the attack for the first time in Test Cricket! We learn from the telly that his 115kph medium pacers were actually what he first got picked for as a South Africa rep during the Under 19 World Cup. And look, if you ignore the speed gun, this isn’t bad at all. Sibley is right to leave the final delivery well alone, shaping nicely away from him.
30th over: England 80-2 (Sibley 39, Root 4) Ooiii! Paterson is so close to Sibley’s outside edge, a ball that moves appreciably off the seam. He’s doing a fine job of keeping England quiet, this his third maiden in a row since returning to the attack. Ten minutes remain until the tea interval is due.
“England in 1989 used 19 bowlers, of whom 15 took wickets,” emails Ned Harrison. That was a 6 test series, though the 15 bowlers shared only 65 wickets between them (happy days). I think the most wicket takers in a 4 test series is 13 (West Indies v England 1929/30 and England v New Zealand in a 3 test series in 1937). England also had 12 wicket takers against New Zealand in 1949. 11 has been done several times, most recently by Australia in the West Indies in 2012.”
Ahh yes, the Windies in 2012 I remember well. Everyone was into it. Clarke picked up a bag of five at Dominica if memory serves me correctly (and it surely does).
29th over: England 80-2 (Sibley 39, Root 4) Another maiden, this time Pretorius to Root. He’s maintaining a very disciplined fourth-stump line at the skipper.
“Can’t believe it helps team morale to have the South African coaching and management team sitting together away from the team,” observes David Brown.
Maybe it’s because the SuperSport cameras are panning to them every 30 seconds? That was certainly was the case yesterday. I guess that’s what you get when recently-retired legends are running the national team: lots of interest.
28th over: England 80-2 (Sibley 39, Root 4) Another excellent over from Paterson, his second maiden on the trot to go with the wicket of Denly. “I see England conceded just one extra in the SA innings,” notes John Starbuck. “This looks like a considerable improvement on their usual performances and with all being pace bowlers, too. Is that a record of any kind?”
To the statisticians (or those with Andrew Samson’s database): I’m all ears.
NOT OUT! The noise was trouser leg not inside edge. South Africa lose a review.
IS SIBLEY CAUGHT BEHIND? We’ll find out shortly, du Plessis has challenged a not out decision from the bowling off Paterson.
27th over: England 80-2 (Sibley 39, Root 4) Root off the mark, ticking a Pretorious delivery from leg stump down to the rope at fine leg. “In 1981,” says Jon Akers, “Alderman and Lillee took 81 of the 120 English wickets available.” Yes, I expect there are many series where a few bowlers have dominated. But ever a time when more than ten have gotten into the book? With the caveat that I want this to be a series victory, not a massive loss where many players were used (e.g. 1989 Ashes)
26th over: England 75-2 (Sibley 38, Root 0) Paterson beats Root second up with a gorgeous away-swinger! He goes on to complete his wicket-maiden. Lovely work.
Denly has done so much right on this tour, and indeed during the Ashes. I’ve argued, and will continue to, that the volume of balls he has soaked up at crucial times has influenced this victory more than his average will ever show. In saying that, they’ll probably drop him because that’s how these things go. Sigh.
BOWLED 'IM!
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) January 26, 2020
Dane Paterson comes back into the attack and bowls Joe Denly with his first ball! England 75-2, lead by 292.
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WICKET! Denly b Paterson 8 (England 75-2)
He chops on! First ball of Paterson’s new spell and it Denly pushes away from his body, the inside edge deflecting straight back onto his middle stump. Urgh.
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25th over: England 75-1 (Sibley 38, Denly 8) Singles are exchanged into the covers off Pretorious but nothing else. The all-rounder locates Sibley’s inside edge later in his over. In the absence of a spinner (and Philander), this is the dry spell he has to bowl, however futile it might appear right now in the match circumstances.
24th over: England 73-1 (Sibley 37, Denly 7) Another big over for England, nine from it, their lead now 290. Denly is off the mark with a compact clip, out to the rope from a misdirected Nortje full delivery. He adds three more when the big quick too wide later in the set, driving him past mid-off for three. Nice start.
“I’ve got a lot of love for Zak,” declares @VictorOpinions1 on the tweet. “He’s doing all the right things, on and off the pitch and if he doesn’t make it, a little part of me will die. Loved Goughie’s story of how he gets a glass of water, and goes and sits in the bar with all the senior players, and just listens.”
I get the feeling we’re going to get to know Sibley and Crawley very well over the next few years. But then again, I wouldn’t be completely surprised if they bring Jennings in to do a job in Sri Lanka in March. Probably not, though.
23rd over: England 64-1 (Sibley 35, Denly 0) Another good shout from Pretorious, albeit with a delivery going down leg to Denly. I couldn’t believe that it took du Plessis 65-odd overs to give his all-rounder a second spell in the first innings. He was outstanding with the older ball at Cape Town, his most recent outing. You can probably tell already that I am very big fan of his. He completes a maiden to Denly.
“I noticed that 10 England players have taken a wicket in this series (Wood, Woakes, Anderson, Broad, Stokes, Bess, Archer, Denly, Curran, Root),” writes Paul McMillan. “That seems like a lot to me. Is this close to being a record or is it fairly normal?”
Ooooh, nice one. The opposite was true in the 2017-18 Ashes where only four Australian bowlers took wickets in their four-nil victory over England. But ten in four Tests, especially in a big win, feels like loads. Anyone want to work it out?
22nd over: England 64-1 (Sibley 35, Denly 0) Sibley is busy, having a gentle go at a full delivery from Nortje, the edge running away through about fourth slip for four. He’s far more convincing later in the over, striking a glorious drive through cover point. It makes a lovely slow-mo replay: on the up with all the trimmings.
“Hi Adam.” Hello Adam Marshall in Somerset. “Sorry if this has been asked and much discussed, but wondering about when the last time we had two right handers opening the innings for England in tests? Between Cook, Strauss and Tresco, it must have been a fair few years, no? Keep up the good work.”
Cheers. I haven’t got that to hand but I know it came up when I was on the BBC Cricket Social a couple of weeks back - my recollection is that Andy Zaltzman had to dig a long way back to find the previous pair. They’re old school. I like it.
21st over: England 56-1 (Sibley 27, Denly 0) Crawley struck a delicious cover drive the ball before getting out, which might have informed why he used his blade to the wicket-taking delivery rather than getting it out of the way. Still, another steady start for England. Who saw that sentence coming a few weeks back? Denly’s turn - a big afternoon for him. I don’t believe it should be, but it is.
WICKET!
— Sky Sports Cricket (@SkyCricket) January 26, 2020
Pretorius finds a bit of extra nip and bounce and Crawley edges behind. England 56-1, lead by 273.
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WICKET! Crawley c de Kock b Pretorious 24 (England 56-1)
Oh, I’ve stitched Zak up magnificently there! Crawley won’t be adding to his string of highest scores as he’s edged a good’un from Pretorious, through to the waiting gloves of de Kock. Very nice delivery from the all-rounder.
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20th over: England 52-0 (Crawley 20, Sibley 27) Nortje returns for a second spell and, predicably, he’s hitting the radar at 90mph right away. His reputation is growing by the innings. Likewise Crawley, who clips convincingly out behind square to get off strike. A bouncer follows at Sibley, which he gets underneath easily enough. I’m sure Rob has already been all over this but I trust we’re all on Crawley Watch for 67? If he gets there, he’ll be the first player to have increased their highest score in each of their first six Test innings. Go you good thing.
19th over: England 51-0 (Crawley 19, Sibley 27) Sibley’s inside edge was found by Hendricks in the previous over and Crawley’s is here by Pretorious to start the new one. Good bowling. Sibley’s turn and he brings up another 50 stand between this pair via a boundary down to third man, driven on the up behind point from the outside portion of the bat. It was in the air but there isn’t a catcher there.
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18th over: England 46-0 (Crawley 18, Sibley 23) Hendricks has started well, enticing Crawley into an uppish pull shot. Sibley gives the younger man the strike back and he plays a similar shot later in the over, landing about 15 metres in front of the man stationed at deep square leg. I suspect they’ll be looking to score about four an over for the next two hours, so there will be some risks taken.
Afternoon, all. When jumping on here to take over from Rob on the Sunday of the Cape Town Test, England were one-down in the series with half the squad in bed crook and Joe Root a couple of losses away from losing his job. Now, just a few weeks on, they are racking up third-innings declaraton runs ahead of an almost-certain victory, set to go home comprehensive three-one winners.
That’s drinks. Adam Collins will be with you for the rest of the day – you can email him on adam.collins.casual@theguardian.com, or tweet @collinsadam. Cheerio!
17th over: England 43-0 (Crawley 16, Sibley 22) Sibley gets away with a loose stroke, flashing Pretorius wide of gully at catchable height for four.
“I see you subscribe to the ‘Vaughan was an excellent captain’ view (over 9),” says Andrew Cosgrove. “I’ve never been that convinced. It seems to me that he benefited from being able to put into place the plans derived by Duncan Fletcher, and also having arguably England’s best ever pace quartet (there have been better individual bowlers but never four together in the same team). I mean, if you can say ‘nothing much is happening now, I might as well bring on Simon Jones’ things are mostly going to turn out pretty well. I had it in my head that Vaughan’s captaincy looked weak after Fletcher stepped down as coach. Whenever I’ve heard Virgil commentating he never strikes me as one of the sport’s deeper thinkers.”
No time to reply, as I’m about to do one, but there are a few thoughts in this old article.
Updated
16th over: England 38-0 (Crawley 15, Sibley 18) Hendricks has been warned for running on the pitch. He has a strangled LBW shout against Sibley, with the ball not coming back enough. England are 12 runs away from a third consecutive opening partnership of 50 or more.
The last time that happened, I think, was when Vaughan and Trescothick made merry during the 2003-04 tour of Bangladesh. The last time England managed three century stands in a row was when Boycott and Edrich ground Australia down in 1970-71.
15th over: England 38-0 (Crawley 15, Sibley 18) Dwaine Pretorius replaces Dane Paterson, who bowled a good spell of 5.3-2-5-0. Still no official news on Vernon Philander’s hamstring.
14th over: England 36-0 (Crawley 14, Sibley 17) “I hope this is like 2004-05,” says Andrew Gladwin, “when England were too much for an SA side in transition, with AB de Villiers, Amla and Steyn at the start of their careers. By 2008, South Africa were good enough to win in England and Australia. But I fear we may be in terminal decline with the India/England/Australia ICC hegemony making it tough for our players to get sufficient financial reward from cricket (made worse by local administrative incompetence which hopefully will finish).”
Yes, if South Africa go the way of the West Indies, there isn’t much left. The greed that is now commonplace in all sport is relentlessly dispiriting. Just piss off and ruin something else. That said, South Africa do at least have the spine of a good side – Markram, Elgar for a few years, de Kock, Rabada, Nortje. I know Markram has struggled since that magical series against Australia but I think he’s too good to fade away. The middle order is the biggest concern.
13th over: England 35-0 (Crawley 13, Sibley 17) A thrilling short-arm pull from Crawley is brilliantly saved the sprawling substitute Keegan Petersen on the midwicket boundary, four runs thus becoming two. He gets four later in the over - well, the team do, as they were leg-byes - when Paterson strays on the pads.
“Hi Rob,” says Brian Withington. “My limited classical education (Latin O-level) sadly didn’t extend to swear words (as mischievously encouraged by Davorder, over 64) but I rather liked this from the first blog I found on the subject: ‘Te futueo et caballum tuum’ translating as ‘screw you and the horse you rode in on’. Honourable mention to ‘vescere bracis meis’ – or ‘eat my shorts’, as Bartus Simpsonus might have put it.”
12th over: England 28-0 (Crawley 10, Sibley 17) Hendricks cuts Crawley in half with an excellent nipbacker that bounces over the stumps.
“Can anyone please tell me what the numbers on the back of the players’ shirts represent?” asks Richard Davies. “Also, I once met Les Ames when he came to support a charity pub cricket match in West Malling, Kent, in the 1970s. Delightful chap. He confirmed he did put raw steak inside his gloves when he kept to Harold Larwood on the Bodyline tour.”
Those are squad numbers, which were introduced last year to help spectators identify players. I assume the players choose whatever one- or two-digit number they like, hence Root 66.
11th over: England 27-0 (Crawley 9, Sibley 17) England are 244 runs ahead. The pitch looks really flat, so I’d imagine they’ll be aiming to at least double that lead.
Breaking news: Philander fined for abusing Buttler
This, from the PA wires, is very funny. Oh, men.
Vernon Philander has been disciplined for an abusive send-off to Jos Buttler on day two of the fourth Test in Johannesburg.
Buttler had launched a foul-mouthed outburst at Philander during the second Test in Cape Town and was on the receiving end of some predictable payback when he got out to the veteran seamer.
Philander was fined 15% of his final match fee as a Test cricketer and handed a demerit point that will never be relevant given his forthcoming retirement.
I wonder what he’ll do with that demerit point.
Updated
10th over: England 26-0 (Crawley 8, Sibley 17) Beuran Hendricks replaces Nortje. His fourth ball is too wide to Sibley, who gets down on one knee to blast it to the cover boundary. There’s so much to like about Crawley and Sibley, especially how well they know their games at such a young age.
“The mention of Ivor Mendonca reminds me of his nephew, the great Clive Mendonca,” says Robert Darby. “I was at Wembley for his hattrick against Sunderland in the play-off final. He is a legend at both Charlton and Grimsby football clubs.”
When I first read that I thought it was a joke, like Roland Butcher and his brother Frank. Turns out it’s true. Who knew? Robert did, clearly.
9th over: England 18-0 (Crawley 7, Sibley 10) The ball is out of shape, so there’s a delay in play while it is changed. Crawley has a windy woof at the first delivery with the replacement ball. Careful now.
“Thanks for the mention Rob,” says William Ellen. “Regarding QdK, a lot depends on the known unknowns. Whether he can increase his hunger for Test runs, whether he can get through those spells when the bowlers are on top and when conditions are adverse, and whether South Africa find a top five capable of setting up the innings the way the Aussies often did for Gilchrist. But the potential is there for legendary status. It will be interesting to see how he gets on as ODI captain. If it’s as natural as a duck to water, then the no doubt looming Test vacancy might be the making of him. Kudos to Wood for that delivery though, to get that much zip off an old ball was mightily impressive.”
QdK doesn’t strike me as a natural captain, but then nor did Michael Vaughan and it turned out he was a genius. But all this talk of known unknowns has put the wonderful Albert Barese in my head. (NB: Clip contains adult language, etc.)
8th over: England 18-0 (Crawley 7, Sibley 10) Sibley plays one of his favourite off-side shots, skimming a drive through backward point for four off Nortje.
“Do you know why sessions often finish after a wicket instead of the end of an over?” says Harvey Mayne. “That seems to be an advantage for the batting team. I have never noticed it happening as often as I have in this series.”
I’m not sure what the logic is; it’s just always been that way.
7th over: England 13-0 (Crawley 6, Sibley 6) England are in no rush. They can bat in a bubble for the rest of the day - a fiasco notwithstanding - and start to think about a declaration overnight. South Africa are bowling well at the moment, Paterson in particular, but if they don’t take early wickets they should get demoralised pretty quickly. There’s a century out there for someone.
“I don’t have the talent to add to some of the rather touching poetry offered by today’s contributors,” says Tom Parker. “I would, however, like to share the earworm that’s been plaguing me for a day and a half now, which is Ray Parker Jr’s ‘Ghostbusters’ replacing the title with the name ‘Jos Buttler’ in the chorus. I also have the man himself looking up from the crease and saying ‘I ain’t ‘fraid of Ben Foakes.’ Neither witty nor very original but I can’t shake it from my head.”
Very kind of you to share. If there’s one thing I love people sharing with me, it’s an irritating earworm. It is quite amusing, though. I think.
Updated
6th over: England 13-0 (Crawley 6, Sibley 6) Apparently Philander did tweak his hamstring, so that could be a wrap for his Test career. If so, 224 wickets at 22.32 is quite a record
“Very glad to be able to keep up to date with the cricket in apocalyptic Wuhan,” says Housie. “Good performance so far from England.”
I don’t know how to respond to that, except to say, well, be well, and thanks for getting in touch. I can’t imagine how unnerving it must be.
5th over: England 12-0 (Crawley 6, Sibley 6) Sibley is beaten for pace by Paterson, with his bat coming down after the ball had zipped past him. It’s been a fine start from Paterson, in fact, and later in the olver he straightens a beauty past Crawley’s defensive push.
“Les Ames,” says Geoff Wignall. “Still, enough already.”
Oh yes, fair point. I’m not sure that’s cheating, though, as keeper-batting was even tougher back then. Anyway, enough: Sangakkara’s application for top-tier status is being considered by the committee.
4th over: England 11-0 (Crawley 6, Sibley 5) A short ball from Nortje is pulled brusquely for four by Crawley. He plays those cross-bat shots superbly.
3rd over: England 7-0 (Crawley 2, Sibley 5) Philander has tweaked something, possibly his hamstring, and leaves the field midway through the over to receive treatment. He looks uncomfortable rather than in agony, so he may be okay after a bit of manipulation. It would be a desperately sad way to finish his Test career.
The same thing happened to the great Allan Donald on this ground in 2001-02. He was halfway through an over against Australia when he left the field in tears, knowing a torn hamstring meant his Test career was over.
Paterson completes Philander’s over and has an enquiry for LBW against Sibley turned down. Too high.
Updated
2nd over: England 6-0 (Crawley 1, Sibley 5) Anrich Nortje is given the new ball for the first time in his short Test career, a deserved promotion after his admirable performance throughout the series. Sibley, turned round by a good delivery, edges along the ground for four.
“Why is it sensible to bat again now,” asks Peter Hillmore, “instead of later if necessary?”
Two reasons, really. The first is to give the fast bowlers a rest, the second is because the pitch will deteriorate. And England only need a draw, so make that three. The chances of England losing are much greater if they enforce the follow-on. The previous Test was different because of the weather, the huge first-innings lead, the emphasis on spin bowling and the greater need to win the game.
1st over: England 0-0 (Crawley 0, Sibley 0) Vernon Philander, bowling in Test cricket for the last time, starts the innings with a maiden to Zak Crawley.
“You make a very fair case for Sangakkara in the 2nd tier (A 2:1 rather than a 2:2 though?)” says Geoff Wignall. “But reference to all those pre-Gilchrist averages is plain cheating.”
Old Ivan Mendonca was a flippant inclusion, but the rest are post-Gilchrist. I think, I can’t remember who else I mentioned.
England will bat again, as expected.
“Morning Rob,” says Geoff Wignall. “Having a mid-morning scroll through the OBO, I noticed you had a slight brain fad and omitted Kumar Sangakkara from the top table of modern keeper/batsmen. Late night, was it? There’s a possible case for Dhoni too but surely Sangakkara is nailed on.”
He averaged 40.48 in Tests as keeper, which is less than, among others, Les Ames, BJ Watling, Dinesh Chandimal, Quinton de Kock and even Ivan Mendonca. I suspect that average would have been higher had he stayed as a keeper throughout his career, but we’ll never know, so I’d keep him in the second tier. He’s in the top tier of ODI keeper-batsmen though, probably with de Villiers, Buttler, de Kock, Gilchrist and of course Dhoni.
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Keeper-batsman department “Although he gave up the gloves, surely Kumar Sangakkara tops the list of great wicketkeeper-batsmen?” says Darryl Account. “And don’t forget Denis Lindsay and his demolition of the 1966/7 Australian attack in South Africa.”
Ah, I was only talking about a post-Gilchrist world, which is why I omitted Lindsay. And rightly or wrongly, I think of Sangakkara as a great batsman rather than a great keeper-batsman. I was tempted to include Matt Prior, who was brilliant from around 2009-13.
Gentle Sunday statgasm Wood is averaging 77 with the bat and 13.62 with the ball in this series.
That’s lunch. England lead by 217 runs and will surely bat again. Wood ended with figures of 14.3-2-46-5. He was too fast, too straight, too much for South Africa. After all those injuries, all those years of misery, it’s thoroughly heartwarming stuff.
WICKET! South Africa 183 all out (Paterson c Buttler b Wood 4)
You beauty! Mark Wood gets his second five-for in three Tests. Paterson had a desperate hack and was caught behind by Buttler to end the innings. Wood led England off, waving the ball and sporting a huge smile. The England balcony were all on their feet, with Paul Collingwood coming down from the balcony to greet Wood with a big Durham hug. I doubt there is a more popular cricketer in England.
Updated
68th over: South Africa 179-9 (Hendricks 5, Paterson 0) Hendricks, trying to flick Stokes to leg, gets a thick leading edge for four. That should be lunch, but play will continue because South Africa are nine down.
67th over: South Africa 175-9 (Hendricks 1, Paterson 0) Mark Wood has four for 42. In other news, and on the subject of Peter Cook, Romeo has found this gem.
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WICKET! South Africa 174-9 (de Kock b Wood 76)
With the tail exposed, Mark Wood returns to the attack. But it’s de Kock he cleans up with a fantastic delivery! It roared back through the gate to trim the bails - and break one of them, in fact. That was a beautiful bit of bowling to end a charming innings from de Kock. Wood needs one more for his second five-for in three Tests.
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66th over: South Africa 172-8 (de Kock 75, Hendricks 0) “I haven’t got Kim Thonger’s class or erudition,” boasts Matt Dony, “so I went with a limerick…
There was a young bowler named Wood;
And when he was fit, he was good!
If he makes it down under,
Splitting batsmen asunder,
Then he’ll surely deserve a knighthood.
WICKET! South Africa 172-8 (Pretorius c Crawley b Stokes 37)
Ben Stokes is so damn hot right now. He has been the most threatening bowler by a mile this morning, and now he has dismissed Pretorius to break an irksome eighth-wicket partnership. It was an excellent delivery, which lifted and straightened from just back of a length to take the edge, and Crawley took a brilliant low catch in the gully.
Updated
65th over: South Africa 163-7 (de Kock 66, Pretorius 37) The early signs are that the replacement ball is as laconic as the original, so I suspect Joe Root will bring himself on soon. The partnership is now 70 runs in 22 overs.
“The traditional Mark Wood haiku demands a turning point and a season word,” says Simon Coppock. “Perhaps this:
Like the horse chestnut
As winter turns to the spring
Wood has the conker
64th over: South Africa 162-7 (de Kock 65, Pretorius 37) England have finally persuaded the umpires to replace the knackered old ball with a slightly less knackered old ball. Stokes appeals on his own for caught behind when Pretorius pushes down the wrong line at an excellent delivery. England frittered away a review a few overs ago so they can’t risk their last one on that. Pretorius responds impressively to the play-and-miss, timing a sweet boundary down the ground later in the over. He really is overqualified for a No9 batsman.
“Hearing Vaughan’s nickname was Virgil has given me an idea,” says Davorder. “After the trouble England players have gotten into on this tour with expletives, they could do worse than use the lines of the Roman poet Virgil to castigate their foes both on the field of play and off it. For example: ‘Una salus victus nullam sperare salutem.’ (The only hope for the doomed is no hope at all). Incidentally, I believe this sentiment was lifted by John Cleese in the film Clockwise. Benefits of a classical education, as Hans Gruber would say; and I’m confident that England players can say these lines without losing their match fees.”
Frank Tyson would certainly approve. I wish somebody, ideally Duncan Hamilton, would write a biography of Tyson. I’m not sure England have ever produced a more interesting cricketer.
63rd over: South Africa 158-7 (de Kock 65, Pretorius 33) de Kock drives Woakes for four more, a beautifully placed shot that fizzes between extra cover and mid off. England haven’t bowled badly this morning, they’ve just come up against the old overseas formula. Flat pitch + old ball + good batting = hard yakka.
62nd over: South Africa 153-7 (de Kock 61, Pretorius 32) Ben Stokes comes in an attempt to make something happen. And he does, angling consecutive deliveries past de Kock’s outside edge. The second in particular was a beauty that lifted sharply off a length.
“Hi Rob,” says William Ellen. “At the age of, off the top of my head, 27 years and 40 days, Quinton de Kock is probably halfway through his Test career. Where do you think he’s currently at in the wicketkeeper-batsman’s pantheon? He’s clearly staggeringly talented, with a Gilchrist-like ability to slice an attack to death a la the Game of Thrones character Sword of the Morning. But he also has an uncanny ability to get himself out. For example the first innings of the last Test, at the start of the day having just seen Philander get castled playing a loose drive in the previous over, he played exactly the same shot to his third ball of the day.”
He reminds me a bit of Stokes the batsman: he will always play matchwinning innings because of his talent, but lacks the concentration and ruthlessness of the remorselessly consistent. I suppose if anyone can instil those in him, it’ll be Jacques Kallis. At this stage I’d put him among the second tier of modern keeper-batters in Test cricket, with Gilchrist, Andy Flower and maybe AB de Villiers (I can’t remember, did he play enough games as keeper?) at the top table. But he has the ability to finish with a career average in the high 40s. How about you?
61st over: South Africa 151-7 (de Kock 60, Pretorius 31) “I almost feel guilty for even mentioning the Peter Cook tour de force,” says Brian Withington. “Almost. It’s possibly the most perfect Establishment parody alongside his treatment of Premier Harold Macmillan - would love to have seen him tackle our current PM ‘of the people’.”
Oh my, how good would that be. At least we’ll always have Ben Swain.
60th over: South Africa 151-7 (de Kock 60, Pretorius 31) A wide outswinger from Curran is belted for four by de Kock. He is playing with immaculate judgement as well as his usual flair, and it’s a pleasure to watch. England, who are getting frustrated, plead unsuccessfully for a change of ball. They’ll have to wait another 20 overs for a new one.
“On the pink oboe,” begins Peter Wood. “It was in fact Billy Connolly who passed on this line to Peter Cook before the performance and Cook promptly inserted it (oo-er) into his brilliant near improvisatory monologue. Cook’s touch of genius was to add the words, ‘a confirmed’ (player of the pink oboe.) While we’re on the subject of Cook’s genius, who could forget his brilliant one-liner in Beyond the Fringe as he sits reading a newspaper, ‘ullo, ullo, I see the Titanic’s sunk again.’”
59th over: South Africa 146-7 (de Kock 56, Pretorius 30) de Kock survives a biggish LBW appeal after offering no stroke to a nipbacker from Woakes. It was too high. Joe Root decides to review, which I suspect is a desperate decision. We’ll soon find out.
Yes, replays show it was bouncing over the stumps, so England lose a review. I know this sounds a bit snide, but Eoin Morgan wouldn’t have reviewed that. Root has never been great with DRS, as captain or batsman.
Later in the over de Kock drags Woakes for two to bring up a largely serene fifty partnership with Pretorius. They’ve both played really well.
58th over: South Africa 142-7 (de Kock 53, Pretorius 29) Byootiful stroke from Pretorius, who laces Curran through the covers for four more.
“Hi Rob,” says Ian Forth. “Wasn’t 2003 also the year Martin Bicknell earned the nickname ‘Odysseus’ after wandering around in county cricket for ten years.”
Very good. To my great disappointment, the Jacques Rudolph set-up doesn’t appear to be on YouTube. I did find the OBO, though.
57th over: South Africa 138-7 (de Kock 53, Pretorius 25) Woakes returns after the drinks break. The ball hasn’t really moved this morning, in the air or off the pitch, and batting continues to look very comfortable for de Kock in particular. If he concentrates he should make a hundred.
56th over: South Africa 138-7 (de Kock 53, Pretorius 25) “Some excellent sourdough toast this morning has moved me to compose a dodgy haiku for Mark Wood,” says Kim Thonger.
Mark Wood is famed for
horseplay, but now also for
deeds of derring-do
*slinks off to field at deep fine leg*
55th over: South Africa 137-7 (de Kock 52, Pretorius 25) England don’t look like taking a wicket. Yesterday they beat the bat in almost every over, but this morning there have been few false strokes. The moment I type that, Pretorius plays a couple of windy cross-bat shots at Broad and is beaten.
54th over: South Africa 136-7 (de Kock 51, Pretorius 25) Pretorius steers Curran short of and then through the slips for four. With the match and series apparently a formality, it’s easy to forget the individual context. Pretorius is trying to forge a Test career, and a big score here should secure a place in the squad for the tour of the Caribbean later in the year.
53rd over: South Africa 132-7 (de Kock 51, Pretorius 21) de Kock drives Broad for a couple to reach another stylish fifty, his 21st in Tests. In a struggling team, he’s a rare source of pride. He’s the most beautiful player to watch.
“I can’t think of the last player that made me feel as genuinely chuffed they were in the team as Mark Wood does (probably Tuffers),” says Guy Hornsby. “He seems such an utter anachronism compared to the modern, skillsets and areas players, and so he’s by definition the most refreshing and interesting to see. Of course he’s serious about the game, but it all comes with such joie de vivre that it’s life-affirming to see him fit and playing well. As you say, he’ll never play all the games, but this last two Tests have shown how dangerous he is. You really could see him causing real bother in Australia. Just how can we keep him fit?”
We can’t, so – cliché alert – we really should enjoy every Test as if it’s his last. But it’s hard not to do a little jig around the office at the thought of him and Archer bowling together at the Gabba in November 2021.
52nd over: South Africa 130-7 (de Kock 49, Pretorius 21) Sam Curran replaces Wood, who wasn’t at his sharpest this morning. That’s a decent move, not least because Curran dismissed de Kock in the first innings of the first three Tests. He starts with a maiden to Pretorius, who survives an optimistic LBW appeal. Too high.
“Remember, too, that Rob Key’s England nickname during that halcyon year of 2003 was Ovid, because he used to follow Virgil in the batting order and had a sybaritic lifestyle before his exile (back to county cricket),” says James Debens. “Sorry, I meant his England nickname was Ovoid.”
51st over: South Africa 130-7 (de Kock 49, Pretorius 21) It’s been a comfortable start for South Africa, that soft wicket of Philander aside. With few demons in the pitch and the second new ball not available for another 29 overs, this is a chance for de Kock and Pretorious to cash in.
“Is it cynical to suggest that Root is secretly hoping that SA add a few this morning, to make his inevitable decision not to enforce the follow-on look less absurd?” asks Robert Ellson.
Absurd? That’s a bit harsh. I reckon 98 per cent of Test captains past and present would bat again in this situation. (When I say ‘past’, I mean if they were watching the game in 2020, rather than making the decision in their day.)
50th over: South Africa 128-7 (de Kock 48, Pretorius 20) A short ball from Wood follows de Kock, who bends his back and guides it over first slip for four. He’s a wonderfully skilful batsman.
“Morning Rob,” says Brian Withington. “I think James Debens might have been slyly referencing Peter Cook’s immortal take on the judge summing up for the jury in the Jeremy Thorpe trial. I seem to recall that the obo(e) in question was pink.”
A-ha. Outed as a philistine, again.
49th over: South Africa 123-7 (de Kock 43, Pretorius 20) Pretorius softens his hands to guide Broad to the third man boundary. South Africa need 201 to avoid the follow on, though I’m almost certain England won’t enforce it anyway.
“Good morning Rob,” says Kim Thonger. “I noticed numerous quotes yesterday, mostly in Latin, attributed to Virgil. This reminded me that Michael Vaughan was apparently nicknamed ‘Virgil’ for his likeness to the Thunderbirds character, whose specialist expertise of course included demolition, heavy lifting and logistics, but not, to my knowledge, Latin.”
Ha. That’s one for the Forgotten Nicknames XI. Since reading your email I’ve experienced a Proustian rush of memories from 2003 – mainly of my old Channel 4 editor, Duncan Steer, referring to Virgil Vaughan. I’m right there, right now, in a proto-hipster office in Camden with the Yeah Yeah Yeahs’ debut album playing in the background. And my hair is to die for. All that from a nickname.
48th over: South Africa 119-7 (de Kock 43, Pretorius 16) A short blast of hot hot heat from Wood. An excellent short ball to de Kock takes a leading edge and lands safely in front of Wood. He follows that with a full-length ball that finds the edge and flies through the vacant third slip area for four.
“Such is Mark Wood’s charisma that I give an extra two pounds to the Big Issue seller who bears an extremely striking resemblance to him,” says James Debens. “You know, the one with the immaculate dentistry who stands outside Co-op and has an iPhone XR that he checks on the sly (a self-confessed player of the OBO perhaps)?”
Updated
47th over: South Africa 113-7 (de Kock 37, Pretorius 16) Broad replaces Woakes and almost strikes with his first ball, which de Kock edges a fraction short of first slip. Then Pretorius, who has started imperiously, drives Broad to the cover boundary with a flourish. He has 16 from 11 balls.
“Hi Rob,” says Bill Hargreaves. “Jolly good morning to you. I’m christening a new tea pot - with pictures of cows on the side. That is a lovely interview between Ward, Wood and Broad. (Lovely name for a legal practice, too.) It might be naive of me, but I think I enjoy watching a victory if I think the chaps have conducted themselves decently, although I’m totally against judgement (part of my profession), if that isn’t an oxymoron. I think that all possible misdemeanours should be judged against: 1) was it premeditated 2) was it done to attempt to gain competitive advantage. Any issue not gaining both strikes should be struck off, especially when the chap apologises as nicely as Ben Stokes did.”
46th over: South Africa 108-7 (de Kock 36, Pretorius 12) I don’t know about you, but I assumed Mark Wood’s Test career was over, so this is such an uplifting development. He’s getting on a wee bit - he turned 30 earlier in the month - but he’s now a serious option for the tours of India and Australia next year. If he can play three of the five Tests in each of those series, England will be very happy. They might even win a game!
Back in the year 2020, de Kock drives Wood confidently for three. Pretorius sees that stroke and raises it with a lovely drive for four. With a first-class average of 37.50, he’s a bit overqualified to beat at No9.
45th over: South Africa 100-7 (de Kock 33, Pretorius 7) Pretorius thumps Woakes through mid-off for four. And why not?
44th over: South Africa 95-7 (de Kock 33, Pretorius 2) Wood bowls a maiden to de Kock. Decent pace, mainly in the high 80s. He’ll be desperate for another five-for this morning.
“‘Internally I was buzzing but externally you’ve got to act cool, tap the pitch and stuff like that,’” says Abhijato Sensarma, quoting Mark Wood’s interview before play. “This reminds me of the time my club sent me out as a 10-year-old pinch-hitting opener. I was the youngest guy in the side and their regular No11. So when almost an hour later I was the last to be dismissed after making a stoic 20-something while all the adolescents collapsed at the other end, I received a thousand unlikely pats on my back for my batting. The opposition collapsed too, but eventually won with only a wicket to spare. It was terrible cricket, yet it was wonderful.”
43rd over: South Africa 95-7 (de Kock 33, Pretorius 2) South Africa are a mess. It’s sad to see, and also a little bewildering given how well they played in the first two Tests.
WICKET! South Africa 93-7 (Philander c Broad b Woakes 4)
Chris Woakes will open the bowling, a nice reward for a high-class performance yesterday. And he needs only three balls to take the first wicket of the day! It was a poor delivery in truth, well outside leg stump, but Woakes won’t care. Philander tried to help it on its way, was through the shot too early and got a leading edge to mid-off.
Updated
42nd over: South Africa 88-6 (de Kock 32, Philander 0) Wood has one delivery remaining of his ninth over, having dismissed Nortje with the last ball of yesterday’s play. He bowls it to the new batsman Vernon Philander, who defends solidly.
Mark Wood makes the world a better place department
There’s a lovely interview with Wood and Stuart Broad on Sky right now.
Ian Ward Gentlemen, good morning. Mark Wood, genuine allrounder?
Mark Wood Ah, it’s nice to get a few. I’ll take it. ‘Genuine allrounder’ - I’ll take it.
Ian Ward Now, did you allow your wife to speak you last night or were you too busy watching yourself on the highlights?
Mark Wood I got the highlights in, don’t worry about that! Ah it was good, I actually gave Sarah a mention in the press conference. They said, ‘You’ve done a bit of work on your batting’ and I said, ‘Ah my wife fed us on the bowling machine a few times’, so I think we’re even.
Ian Ward (pointing at Broad) You were on time for this interview, he wasn’t. Why?
Broad I mean, to quote Mark Wood in the changing-room: ‘When I’m playing this well, the press can wait for me!’
Wood You two have set me up an absolute treat here! Wow.
Broad He is playing well though.
Ward What was your favourite shot?
Wood Ah, the six over cover! Internally I was buzzing but externally you’ve got to act cool, tap the pitch and stuff like that.
Some pre-match reading
Preamble
Morning. Even the pessimists think this is a done deal. England were so dominant yesterday that it’s hard to see anything other than a third consecutive victory. If that happens, it will be the first time since the 1954-55 Ashes that England have come from behind to win an overseas series 3-1.
Then, as now, one of the stars was an injury-prone fast bowler. Mark Wood doesn’t sledge people by quoting Wordsworth, as Frank Tyson did, but they do have the same appetite for destruction and ability to bowl in excess of 95mph. And although his record is nowhere near as good - Tyson averaged 18.56 from his 17 Tests - Wood’s performances since his recall in St Lucia last year have evoked the mythical devastation of Tyson in that Ashes series.
It’s a small sample size, for sure, but 12 wickets at 14.75 is eyecatching stuff. He was far too hot for South Africa yesterday, taking three of the six wickets that fell in the evening session, and he’ll be eyeing another five-for this morning. South Africa will resume on 88 for six, still 312 runs behind in a match they need to win. It’s a long way back from here.
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