NB: In the interests of modernity I enlisted the assistance of my kids Otto (13) and Albert (6) with these reviews.
Lily Allen – Not Fair
I think Lily Allen should be careful 'cos if she keeps giving her ex-boyfriends such bad press in songs she might find it hard to get a new one. It's basically about a guy who is really nice but doesn't deliver in the bedroom. At least it's about SOMETHING – but musically, it's not so hot; a kind of synthetic hoedown. Both kids pronounced it "excellent". Bah.
Alesha Dixon – Let's Get Excited
One of the advantages of being out of the country a lot is that you don't find yourself getting gummed-up with this kind of stuff. I assume she won some kind of competition. Maybe it was a competition to support Enrique Iglesias at the O2, 'cos I saw her name on a poster for that. I'm sure they'll have a great time together. Anyway, I've just realised that she was responsible for The Boy Does Nothing; I did hear that – Jesus Christ, that was bad. Albert gave it 29 out of 10, Otto thought it was "really good": The Dad Knows Nothing.
Eminem – We Made You
The video spoiled this one for me. It had women with massive breasts bouncing around and behaving in a lewd manner, so I had to do some instant Parental Control and stand in front of the computer screen. This obviously distracted the boys from their reviewing duties as they awarded it a dismal 5/10 and 4/10 respectively. I actually thought it was pretty good as a song – some weird timing stuff going on and it was nice and squelchy. He did look a bit peaky in the video, though, which is strange seeing as he's had a couple of years off.
The Killers – The World We Live In
That title is just asking for trouble: what, you're gonna sum up the whole of human existence in 4mins 13secs are you Mr Flowers? OK, hit me. Apparently the planet we are inhabiting sounds like an ELO B-side put through a flanger. This is so bad it actually made me feel sorry for them for a minute. They seem to want success so badly and then they curl this one out and mess it all up for themselves. I used to feel a similar way about Placebo – then I discovered that they were massive in France. The boys started playing on the Wii during this.
Passion Pit – The Reeling
This is basically DANCE by Justice, as played by born-again Christians. Next!
TI – Whatever You Like
The undoubted hit of the listening session. The boys were jumping around the room. I have no idea who TI is or what "TI" stands for (he certainly doesn't wear a tie) but he's written a winner here. Destined to be repeated ad infinitum any time someone is getting a round of drinks in, Whatever You Like is what we used to call "catchy" back in the old days. Loved it, and the boys were super-pleased 'cos they found an Alvin and the Chipmunks version on YouTube that they liked even more. Ah, bless.
