Richard TeRito Haeata began to cry when he looked at his family photos.
He thought he should know who the people in the picture frames were, but he couldn't remember.
This moment was the first time he noticed he was losing his memory. At first, he went into denial.
"I can remember telling people off, getting angry with people because they would make me think I'm forgetful," Mr Haeata said.
"It then took me into places that were really ugly … I didn't want to continue if I couldn't remember."
Mr Haeata was 60 when he was formally diagnosed with dementia in 2020.
Now 63, he has found comfort in something he doesn't forget and a way to continue expressing his Maori traditions.
A promising career cut short
Mr Haeata had done classical singing in his teenage years.
When he turned 18 and was working in the bar at the Mercury Theatre in Auckland, he was blown away a performance of the opera Madame Butterfly.
Mr Haeata was inspired to have his voice assessed, then encouraged to pursue a career as an opera singer.
"I just thought, well, I want to do that," he said.
He had a short career that ended when he was diagnosed with stomach cancer in his late 20s.
As a result of the cancer, Mr Haeata needed to have his diaphragm cut, which left him unable to sustain his opera voice.
He found work vocal coaching, conducting and arranging music for traditional Maori groups, known as kapa hakas.
Traditional music, ballads, jazz and contemporary became his go-to music.
Years later, he would move to Sydney and become part of a special traditional performance.
A special Anzac Day role
For the past seven years, Mr Haeata conducted the Sydney Maori Choir's hymn at the Anzac Day Dawn Service at Martin Place.
He remembers the first time being special because he says it was the first time a Maori contingent had been invited to sing at an Anzac Day ceremony outside of New Zealand.
"It kind of also binds that Anzac concept together as well with us participating," Mr Haeata said.
The choir first perform a Karanga, which acknowledges fallen Maori and the Aboriginal land on which the singers stand. This is performed by the female vocalists in the choir.
"It would have been a huge insult for us to have stood before Aboriginal people without acknowledging the land," Mr Haeata said.
The Karanga is then followed by a rendition of the Maori hymn Tama Ngākau Mārie, which was sung at every gravesite where members of the Maori Battalion had fallen during the Second World War.
"It's like a national anthem, in terms of the Maori community," Mr Haeata said.
"It's sung at most funerals … it has a lot of meaning for our people and a depth of sorrow that still stretches back to those times."
Reconnecting deeper memories
Dr Sandra Garrido, who researches the impact of music on people with dementia at Western Sydney University, said listening to Richard sing gives you goosebumps,
"I can recall seeing situations with people who couldn't even tell you their own name," Dr Garrido told ABC Radio Sydney.
"But they could sing a song with the lyrics just word for word."
Our emotional connections with music may be behind why some with dementia can remember songs but not memories.
"A lot of our deepest emotional memories are actually connected to music," Dr Garrido said.
"So when you hear a piece of music that is connected to some deep emotional experiences in your life, it triggers those memories through different pathways."
Dr Garrido said some aged care facilities were beginning to understand the potential for music to improve the quality of life for residents.
Mr Haeata affirmed this theory — he said he could feel the passion and colour of a song.
He also remembered their place in his memory and said he could remember singing Unchained Melody to win over his husband Robert at a karaoke bar decades ago.
Singing is healing
When Mr Haeata was seeing a counsellor following his dementia diagnosis, he was asked what made him happy.
He said singing made him happy, but he wasn't sure whether he could do it anymore.
He was urged to try going to a With One Voice Mount Druitt Community Choir rehearsal.
The rehearsal reignited his passion for music.
"You could see it on their faces, each one of the people's faces, how much they enjoyed singing," Mr Haeata said.
"I was there to sing for myself — it was quite a selfish motivation. But then I realised that all of these people that were coming were coming for their own joy of singing."
He has credited singing with the choir with rebuilding his confidence.
Since getting back into singing, he has been asked to perform music on the television show Home and Away.
In the face of his dementia, singing has been a strong bridge to his cultural identity and has provided what he describes as "healing".
"I might not remember what I'd done five minutes ago, but my music stays in my head," Mr Haeata said.
If this story has prompted any concerns or questions please call the National Dementia Helpline 1800 100 500 or visit dementia.org.au.
