Scientists from the University of York have claimed that humans can recognise and memorise 5,000 faces – making those occasions where you can’t quite place or name someone even more excruciating. Here is the modern etiquette for navigating this social nightmare:
Pre-empt the problem with a reintroduction
The Florida-based modern manners expert Maralee McKee suggests, especially when meeting people for the second time, reintroducing yourself with a bit of context: “Hi, I’m Jodie. We met at that event in Sheffield.” This approach relies on you being able to remember where you met, although you could always give your job title or place of work instead. The key point is it puts you on the front foot, giving the other person a strong cue to reply “Hi, I’m Bradley, it’s lovely to meet you again, Jodie.” Job done for both of you.
Fish for extra information
Once a conversation is going, open questions such as: “It seems like ages since I last saw you. When was it?” or “How’s work going? Weren’t you thinking about changing jobs last time I saw you?” may elicit vital clues as to who you are talking to, helping your brain with a bit of extra context.
Social media: friend and foe
The smartphone era has increased the risks that people might recognise each other from social media, but then one of them realises they don’t know the other one that well – or, indeed, at all. But there is an upside. If you can crowbar a: “What’s your Instagram name again?” into conversation, then surreptitiously look them up on your phone, you can later casually drop their name, occupation or family details into conversation, as if you knew it all along.
Don’t worry about the misfires
Five thousand faces might sound a lot, but your brain is liable to be filled with TV and film stars, athletes, politicians and public figures. Who hasn’t quietly said, “Hi” and nodded in recognition at someone in the street, only to realise afterwards that you have just said hello to somebody you recognised from the TV? The etiquette for this is: don’t worry. It must happen to them all the time – and famous people have the reverse problem, identifying which of these random people saying hello to them is genuinely an acquaintance they should respond to.
Just be upfront about it
It’s not terribly British, but sometimes we just have to face up to it like grownups and say: “I’m terribly sorry, I appear to have forgotten your name.”
