MORE ARSENAL BLUES
They say bad luck always comes in threes, and that’s something Arsenal can tell you all about. Last night, they conceded a very soft penalty to Eden Hazard and Chelsea, a decision that comes hot on the heels of the generous spot-kick awarded against them last weekend at West Bromwich Albion, and Jack Allen’s equaliser for Newcastle United in the 1932 FA Cup final which was converted from a cross delivered behind the line. Those three questionable refereeing calls have cost the Gunners four points in the race for European football next season, as well as an FA Cup. When will they get their fair share of payback breaks?! According to the what-goes-around-comes-around cycle, not until the year 2104, by which time Arsène Wenger will have been 108 years in the job. Yes, it already seems like that now, doesn’t it.
Of course, you could spin it the other way, and argue that Héctor Bellerín did indeed make contact with Hazard in that fateful split-second at the Emirates last night. Also the hosts weren’t exactly without some other things going their way: Rob Holding committed two bookable offences early in the second half but only saw one yellow card; a pre-opening-goal Jack Wilshere was perhaps fortunate to escape a second yellow himself after attempting to sniff out a free kick in the pig-truffle style; and it was lucky that Álvaro Morata doesn’t have another couple of heads on the end of his legs instead of those big clumsy feet, because that way he might have converted the hat-trick of one-on-one chances he somehow managed to miss. So on another night, with another referee, and one particular striker not seemingly trying his damnedest to make Robert Fleck look like Didier Drogba, that game could have finished 5-1 to Chelsea with Arsenal down to nine men. That seems about correct, doesn’t it? Everyone?
To be scrupulously balanced and fair – and you know that’s how the Fiver rolls – on another night, with another referee, Chelsea wouldn’t have been awarded that penalty and Arsenal would have gone on to win the match and usurp rivals Tottenham in fifth place. So you can see why Wenger was in full Fume Mode at the end of the game. “We got again a farcical decision on the penalty,” said a reedy voice barely audible above whistling steam. “At the moment we have to face surprising decisions.” When asked whether he feels Video Assistant Referees would iron out such controversies from the game, he exhaled sorrowfully and answered: “Honestly? I’m not very hopeful.” Say what you will about his take on the Hazard-Bellerín incident, but the Fiver has a feeling he may well be proved right on this one. As soon as next week, in fact, when the teams meet again in the League Cup and VAR fails to conclusively draw a line under a brouhaha to everyone’s satisfaction, a row subsequently trundling on in the media for what will seem like 108 years.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
“Imre Varadi scored our second goal and he celebrated by running straight over to the paddock at Goodison Park where the Evertonians would usually be. He didn’t realise that, because it was an FA Cup tie and Liverpool had been given more tickets than usual, the paddock had been given over to their fans. He ran over to celebrate with who he thought were the Everton supporters, clenched his fists in front of the Liverpool supporters, and the next thing we know he’s been hit square in the face by a pie” – Kevin Ratcliffe reminisces on Merseyside derbies past.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
Enjoy some incredibly overhead images in this gallery of sport from above.
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FIVER LETTERS
“Amazingly, the first Fiver of the year on Tuesday was actually funny and made me laugh a few times. I thought about sending a complimentary email to say as much but decided to hold off until the second Fiver of the year. And wouldn’t you know it, normal service was resumed. Elsewhere in yesterday’s Fiver there was mention of Pep Guardiola’s belief the Premier League needs a winter break. If the Fiver winter break is anything to go by then we can expect one excellent round of games immediately after the break before the Premier League reverts back to the all too predictable fare we’ve become used to but can’t bring ourselves let go of” – John Mackay.
“Re: Fiver backlogs [Fivers long passim] - Frank Joyce notes that he has (or rather, had) just caught up on a 10-week backlog of Fivers, while Ben Graham claims the rather unimpressive feat of having not read 89 editions; I can comprehensively eclipse both of these. About this time last year I had built up a backlog of around two years worth of your missives - around 500 of them. With a steady effort I have now reached last November 10th. By my reckoning, at this rate it will be around the end of January before I find out whether my bragging [Note to Fiver Ed – please replace with a more appropriate word] has made it to publication, and well in to February by the time I catch up. For the life of me though, I can’t now remember what heinous misdeeds I had committed to make me want to punish myself in this way” – David Ford.
“I notice that Marcel Costly has left Mainz for FC Magdeburg for an undisclosed fee and invite readers to make up their own jokes” – Mark Graver.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet The Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … David Ford.
THE RECAP
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NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Prepare to rapidly bone up on Cenk Tosun so you can impress everyone with your deep knowledge of Turkish football: Sam Allardyce reckons the striker could join Everton in time to face Liverpool in the FA Cup on Friday.
Who can? Emre Can! Sign for Juventus, that is. The Italians feel pretty good about getting their man on a free in the summer, after offering more coin for more years than Liverpool can muster.
Good news Blues! Thibaut Courtois reckons he’s about to sign a new contract at Chelsea, and what’s more he’s egging his mate on to do the same. “Do Eden and I encourage each other to sign? Yes. He will say: ‘If you sign, I will sign,’ and I say the same to him,” Courtois japed. No word yet on whether he’d jump off a cliff if Eden did too.
Has José Mourinho admitted he wants to leave Manchester United? Well, it wouldn’t be this far down a tea-timely email if he said yes, would it? “I say ‘garbage’,” Jose hissed about talk that he’d be doing one shortly, although he did confess said garbage had “affected” him.
The world is a grim place, unpredictable and ever-changing, things are in constant flux and nobody can be sure of anything. With that in mind, in some ways it’s nice to hear the comfortingly predictable news that Southend have terminated Nile Ranger’s contract because of “reoccurring disciplinary issues”.
James Tarkowski has signed a new four-and-a-half year contract at Burnley, which should most definitely, absolutely, 100% knock on the head any talk of bigger and shinier clubs trying to nick him.
STILL WANT MORE?
Floating footballing brain in a jar Jonathan Wilson mulls Premier League sides’ embrace of radical non-possession as a way of countering superior opponents. “This is a direct consequence of the iniquities of the game’s finance and it probably does diminish the spectacle,” he concludes, among other things.
Defence is still an afterthought at late-Wenger period Arsenal, says Amy Lawrence, reflecting on Wednesday’s madcap draw against Chelsea with the odd nostalgic nod to the days when “1-0 to the Arsenal” was the club’s signature choon.
Knockerball Soccer Rodeo is a thing, apparently. Learn more in this week’s Classic YouTube, while also enjoying some George Best brilliance and hot mid-80s south coast derby FA Cup action.
Snarling Diego Costa is back in the thick of it with Atlético Madrid, scoring on his “debut” with his new-old club in the Copa del Rey, at plucky third-tier Lleida in the Copa del Rey. Sid Lowe was there to tell you all about it.
The one thing missing from festive football these days? Orange balls in snow, laments Neil Andrews
And why can’t West Brom win a game for love nor money? Martin Laurence on the Baggies’ increasingly epic winless run
Our shiny transfer interactive is back with all the latest January moves in Europe’s top five leagues.
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