STRUGGLING TO CROWBAR A FOUR TOPS REFERENCE INTO THIS HEADLINE. OH, THERE YOU GO
One of the few benefits of being related to this tea-timely email’s book-writing, cricket-playing, pyramid-inverting, tactics-obsessed Wearside cousin Mackem Lobanovskyi 4-2-3-1 False Nine Wilson Fiver, is that we’ve been looped in on the whole Marcelo Bielsa phenomenon since before it became fashionable on Wednesday. While Proper Journalists were taking time out from trying to procure and publish sneak previews of England team-sheets to pontificate about the Corinthian spirit of fair play, our cousin took time out of boring us with his batting average and bowling figures to regale us with stories about the man they call El Loco.
There was the time he started supporting Newell’s Old Boys because his dad was a fan of bitter rivals Rosario Central. There was the time he said he would cut off one of his own fingers if it would guarantee Newell’s a win over Rosario Central. And then there was the time he threatened a group of his own team’s fans who had gathered in protest outside his house with a hand grenade. And the time. And the time. And the time. The stories of Bielsa’s myriad eccentricities are legion. Until a couple of days ago, most people with little more than a passing interest in English football knew Bielsa as that foreign bloke who was doing quite well at Dirty Leeds while sitting on an upturned blue bucket, but now they are a little wiser. For when he is not doing quite well at Dirty Leeds while sitting on an upturned blue bucket, the Argentinian appears to spend every single minute of every single day on doing even better.
Having been accused of – and subsequently admitting to – sending an envoy to peek at Frank Lampard’s Derby County training before their league match last Friday, Bielsa was rather bewildered by the reaction when FLDC, along with assorted doyens of the English press pack and numerous former players collectively gasped, clutched their pearls and swooned like Victorian ladies at this outrageous breach of … no rules whatsoever. A man with form for quitting clubs at the drop of a hat, Bielsa opted to call a press conference, but instead of announcing his resignation treated those lucky enough to be present to a 66-minute PowerPoint presentation showing: a) his meticulous preparation for games; and b) anyone in the world who was interested how to beat Frank Lampard’s Derby County.
While Bielsa appeared genuinely bemused at being accused of skulduggery, his decision to go to extraordinary lengths to point out that those accusing him of it didn’t know the half of it has elevated him to the status of National Treasure. “I feel ashamed to have to tell you all this,” said Bielsa, before declaring that “I’m not cheating, I knew everything I needed to know” and leaving the room. The Fiver can’t be the only right-thinking person who also feels ashamed to have to tell you this – but we’re feeling queasy on the back of unprecedented goodwill and hopes for the success of Dirty Leeds.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“It was strange having cameras around every day in the dressing room, physio rooms. Everywhere really. Sometimes you don’t realise and you’ll be yourself and obviously that came out in the documentary. I’ve had a lot of nice messages from people saying it’s nice to see some honesty and footballers for who they are” – Jonny Williams gets his chat on about Sunderland ‘Til I Die, Crystal Palace and life at Charlton.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Faye Carruthers is in Big Chair for the latest instalment of Football Weekly Extra.
SUPPORT THE GUARDIAN
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FIVER LETTERS
“In case anyone thinks would be great if more managers livened up their press conferences with a presentation, it’s worth pointing out that Sam Allardyce blamed a lack of PowerPoint facilities for his failure to land the England job in 2006, so not having to sit through presentations can also be a good thing” – Ed Taylor.
“Entertaining though Brexit continues to be, the House of Commons could have avoided the no-score draw confidence motion on the government. Since Roman Abramovich decided to spend his hard-earned billions buying useless strikers for Chelsea, all general elections have only happened in years when Chelsea have won the Premier League (2005, 2010, 2015, 2017). That’s plainly not happening this year” – Robert Macmillan.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Ed Taylor.
BITS AND BOBS
Martin O’Neill wants to bring Roy Keane with him to his new job at Nottingham Forest. “There’s a spot open for him and I hope it happens,” cheered O’Neill. “It may not, as he has a few things to sort out himself both personally and professionally.”
The Premier League still can’t nail down a new chief suit after BBC suit Tim Davie followed Susanna Dinnage in snubbing the gig.
José Mourinho has been trying out some punditry during the Asian Cup, offering up some fresh chat about his time at Old Trafford. “I consider one of the best jobs of my career [was] to finish second with Manchester United in the Premier League,” he tooted. “But I keep saying this because people don’t know what is going on behind the scenes.”
Another £11m that Mauricio Pochettino will probably never see: Mousa Dembélé has moved to Guangzhou R&F.
Kazakhstan have shown head coach Stanimir Stoilov through the door marked ‘Біреуін жасаңыз’.
And just to underline how busy a news day it’s been, Jamie Vardy turned up for Leicester training dressed as Spider-Man.
STILL WANT MORE?
Our aforementioned cousin on Marcelo Bielsa.
Amy Lawrence on the growing clouds behind the scenes at Arsenal.
Dancing players, a smart free-kick and Morton’s malaise: it’s Classic YouTube.
If transfer window interactives are your thing, you’re in luck.
The strange allure of the half-time football raffle. By Harry Pearson.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
