"Pitch Perfect 3" is to movie comedy what fingers on a chalkboard is to singing. And, if given the choice between seeing the movie and the fingernails, take the chalkboard option.
It all starts so innocently. The Bellas have graduated from college and gone their separate ways. None have been able to find the same kind of success on their own that they had when they were an a cappella group. Even the standout of the group, Becca (Anna Kendrick), has hit an impasse when it comes to her music producing career.
Because they are failing as individuals, the Bellas reunite to go on a USO tour. As it's made clear in the movie, this wouldn't be a "Pitch Prefect" movie without a competition. Instead of just being happy to be together again, the Bellas end up in another battle of the bands to be named the opening act for DJ Khaled (playing himself). The term battle is used loosely here because of the four groups in the running, the Bellas would end up fifth or sixth place.
Gone in the obvious effort to squeeze a few more bucks out of the franchise is all the charm that made the first film so sweet and endearing and gave the sequel enough comedy harmony to be generally entertaining. The third movie is based on a painfully thin story from Kay Cannon ("Pitch Perfect 2") but the cast is so likable they could have raised the film to at least a tolerable level had they at showed any signs of trying. Even the usually dependable Kendrick looks like she would rather be on a real USO tour to Antarctica _ without a coat _ than be in the movie.
The speck of charm and energy the cast brings gets obliterated as the film keeps hitting sour notes with: long passages of musical showdowns that serve no purpose other than to make the production long enough to qualify as a feature film, a subplot about Fat Amy's (Rebel Wilson) father played with career-ending style by John Lithgow and a dependence of Wilson to create humor in scenes where comedy has gone to die. Where the first two films had sharp comedy moments, this one is all flats.
Director Trish Sie had no idea how to correct the endless string of problems and tries to hide the lack of material behind a few musical montages and some shots of the Bellas in Spain, Italy and France. This USO tour was not as much interested in the soldiers who are miles from civilization, but makes stops in beautiful cities just for the expensive backdrops.
The last hope the filmmakers and cast would get in sync dies when Lithgow arrives. His attempt at an Australian accent is so bad, a drunk patron at Outback Steakhouse sounds more like an Aussie when he tries to mimic the language to order one last "beer, mate." This is the kind of work Lithgow should casually erase from his resume or claim he was told the producer would shoot a puppy if he didn't take the part.
The only thing worse than Lithgow is Khaled, who shows the kind of acting inability found in kindergarteners cast as the fifth tree from the left in a school play. Khaled is one of the four judges for the new Fox music competition show, "The Four," where he will share his expertise to the winner to make them a star. If making decisions to be in a movie when you can't act is an example of his advice, the winner of the show will need to count on the other judges to have any hope of stardom.
And, if that wasn't bad enough, the film takes a left turn in the third act to allow Wilson to go from annoying singer to super spy. This is a light comedy, but there is a big difference between asking the audience to believe the Bellas are such masterful singers they become the world champions and suggesting that Amy is really 007 in disguise.
"Pitch Perfect 3" misses no opportunity to destroy any bit of material that was entertaining in the first two movies. This includes taking the characters played by John Michael Higgins and Elizabeth Banks out of their roles as the snarky commentators from the other two films. It was perfect seeing them act as pitchy flies on the wall ripping apart the Bellas with great wit. That changes in "Pitch Perfect 3" as they are forced into the story under the guise of shooting a documentary on the Bellas. The plot device gives them little leeway to be smart and reduces them to another out-of-tune part of the movie.
All of this comes together in such a miserable manner "Pitch Perfect 3" is undeniable proof the Bellas should have ended their musical run one film earlier. If you miss only one movie this holiday season, make it this one.
