There will always be something ludicrous about the two-tone car. It makes you look as if you’ve taken its decorative aspect too literally, and think it’s a handbag. But if you’re going to have two colours, black and red are at least mischievous and not twee. And the Peugeot 208 needs to look like that: it’s gunning for the boy racer market, but its shape doesn’t really give that away. Only the headlight clusters at the front look modern, curved blinking eyes echoed in a near-symmetrical low light. Otherwise, no offence, it could be from a 1980s film about some neets who steal a car – if it weren’t for the colourway. Often I couldn’t find it in a car park, because I couldn’t remember which end was which colour or, for that matter, which way I’d parked. But I filed that under “my problem”.
The cabin looks sleek, and then you sit down. The seats are low and hard, there is very little cushioning, inside or out, and road shocks ring through you like the starting gun at a poorly attended sports day. The positioning of the wheel, bizarrely, obscured the speedometer, so I could tell how fast I was going only by disapproving looks. The 1.6 litre turbo-charged engine is generous for the car size, but in the city you felt the lag on the turbo more than the turbo itself. Accelerating off the lights wasn’t as much fun as you’d think.
On the motorway, the horsepower made more sense, but the steering was a bit lackadaisical, which took the gloss off. However, a long, smooth bit of straight road unleashed the best of it; it was pokey and it cut a dash. Life is bound to throw you something a bit more windy and less kempt, though, unless you live in a service station, and here both the steering and the suspension turned into active inconvenience. The handling is not responsive enough. Some people get a thrill from being bounced around by potholes, but I think that’s pretty niche.
Having said all that, it has proper, six-airbag, EU-certificates-out-of-its-exhaust safety credentials. I like having three doors – for some reason it makes me feel both glamorous and frugal, possibly because I don’t have to sit in the back. The boot is bigger than you’d expect, though the passenger seats are smaller, so you wouldn’t buy it for capacity. The main reason you’d buy it is if you wanted a hot hatch, but didn’t want the same one as all your friends (who, plainly, have a Ford Fiesta or a Corsa). This is not the best reason to buy a car, but nor is it the worst.
Peugeot 208 GTI
Price £22,365
Top speed 143mph
Acceleration 0-62mph in 6.5 seconds
Combined fuel mileage 52.3mpg
Emissions 125g/km
Eco rating 7/10
Cool rating 6/10
