On Monday, we will be among hundreds of other couples heading to register offices across the country, finally able to give notice for our civil partnership. Five years, four home moves, three court cases, two children and one long campaign after we first tried, we will be proudly putting our names down for our own civil partnership registration on New Year’s Eve.
When we walk to Hammersmith and Fulham register office on Monday morning, it will be a special moment for us. A civil partnership is the perfect expression of our values and relationship — of love for one another and an aspiration to be a partnership of equals. Of course, we don’t always live up to that aspiration but it sets a tone for our relationship.
But over the years we have fought to become civil partners, we became increasingly aware cohabiting placed us in a risky situation. We were without the financial and legal protection we craved especially after the births of our children. Yet, until now, the only way to get such protection was to marry.
There is no escaping that a couple planning to get married often face unfair and costly demands and expectations from family, friends and society — they are expected to wear certain clothes, exchange vows and rings, throw a big party — and have wedding certificates that still show fathers’ names only. Of course, we respect the choice of those who get married but it has never felt right for us.
Civil partnerships, on the other hand, offer a fresh, modern alternative based on mutual respect and equality. One of the exciting aspects is that it is a blank slate on which people can inscribe their own hopes and dreams. There is no social script to follow and no fixed expectations of what you should or shouldn’t do.
Social media is full of excited conversations from couples planning their own civil partnerships. It’s fascinating to read the plans people are making, from just dropping in to sign the registration form on their way to work to much larger gatherings. Couples can really celebrate without pressure in the way that feels most meaningful to them. Our hope and suspicion is that many couples who want minimal fuss and fanfare will opt for civil partnerships as an accessible and inexpensive option.
We’re planning a simple registration in the company of our children and two witnesses. We will be returning to Chelsea Register Office, the place where it all began when we tried to form a civil partnership all those years ago. It has been a long — and at times arduous — journey but now the law has changed.
By a happy coincidence, the arrival of civil partnerships coincides with the dawn of a new decade. On New Year’s Eve we will celebrate our love for each other and also think of everyone who has helped give birth to a new type of legal relationship and social structure — one that we hope will increase people’s happiness, wellbeing, choice
and security.
