You have to admire the LGBTQ+ community and their thonged throng as they try to get their message across in June when most Londoners just want to watch the football or drink wine at the end of the garden. We see quite a bit of anti-LGBTQ+ stuff these days as Nigel Farage’s mates in tech and AI attack us with troll farms and rage-bait, but nothing beats Pride itself. Tommy Robinson’s protest earlier this year was a dreary tour-de-force of unintelligible lager louts while London Pride is phenomenal — instead of racism it has rainbows and choreo. It’s impossible not to be won over by how fabulous the gays are. Highlights for me at this year’s Pride include Rhys’s Pieces on the black stage, a fierce black drag queen who should really be on television; and “Panty Soaker Soundsystem” on the transgender stage — a new DJ duo the cool kids are digging (you heard it here first!)
I know what you’re thinking… Hasn’t Pride been rattling on for about six weeks already? And to that my response is: “Oh my God gurrrrl. Like, shut up!?”
But you’re right, technically yes. Pride here in London starts at Mighty Hoopla with Jane McDonald singing Cake By the Ocean flanked by naked sailors, and then it keeps on twerking until either the Cheeky Girls collapse or Aldi runs out of rainbow Nordpak. In fact, the only organisation growing faster than the queer agenda right now is Gail’s Bakery, and we’re much cheaper.
I love it when bigots complain that Pride is too long. As if us gays haven’t politely spent 11 months listening to football yobs on the Tube, bad boys speeding around town in their noisy sparking rented sports cars, and, perhaps worst of all, those self-invited lunatics shouting quasi-religious idiocy into mics at us when we just want to get home and watch Ab Fab repeats.
Not to be dramatic, but we suffer the audio-visual blisters of unmoderated heterosexual mediocrity every single day. And now it’s our turn, so learn your Kylie Minogue lyrics or go home.
Let’s remember how much LGBTQ+ people give to this city. Every night, hundreds of us homosexuals, non-bines and the trans peeps too, go to work in London’s West End where we act, sing and dance our asses off in theatres for truckloads of paying tourists, doing our bit to save Britain’s eggy face.
The same people who hate transgender people also voted to leave the EU and trap us here
The worst bit is that thanks to “Brexit” we’re administratively trapped here now like handmaids in Gilead. Like, do you honestly think we’re choosing Kilburn over Venice? The same people who hate transgender people also voted to leave the EU and trap us here. Alexa play Obsessed by Mariah Carey.
But it’s not just musical theatre where we flourish. People move to London from all over to lead queer authentic lives and the capital reaps the rewards. Pick a moment in London’s history and I’ll tell you who the iconic queerdo was making it pop. George Michael, Danny LaRue, Virginia Woolf, Freddie Mercury, Oscar Wilde, Quentin Crisp, Pet Shop Boys, Graham Norton, Clare Balding, Tom Allen, Sue Perkins, Rylan Clark, Gok Wan, Layton Williams, Tiara Skye and La Voix. This city is packed with truly gifted titans who have dedicated their lives to promoting LGBTQ+ visibility around the world.
Meanwhile, in Dubai and Doha, where being gay is still criminalised… It’s not exactly a barrel of laughs is it? We are so lucky to live in a city where you can go to a Dolly Parton-themed spin class, followed by naked yoga, and then wash it all down with cocktails at a drag show at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, or the Two Brewers down in Clapham, or how about The Divine over in Dalston if you’re feeling a little edgier.
People say, “Pride is a protest, not a party”, and it is both, but it can also be neither. You can celebrate Pride in your own softer way by visiting Gay’s the World bookshop in Bloomsbury, which has been going since 1979. Or you can follow in the footsteps of Christopher Isherwood and go for a same-sex pond swim on Hampstead Heath. You could swallow your pride by catching up with friends over bowls of ramen at Tonkotsu, a lesbian-owned restaurant chain where artists and activists like Stav Bee can be seen spinning records on the decks. Spicy veggie gyozas with a side of Grace Jones? Yes please!
It makes me chuckle and realise how far we’ve come
Some members of the community don’t like “corporate pride” — when brands claim to love the gays as a form of advertising. But we’ll bloody miss it when it’s gone. I quite like looking at all of the rainbow-washed tat, it makes me chuckle and realise how far we’ve come. Give me a rainbow Deutschbank banner that says “Homo Is Gut, Ja?”
We’re living in a precarious time in which regional Prides are being defunded, trans people are being treated with indignity, and homophobic attacks are on the rise. Remember, there are millions of LGBTQ+ people around the world. We are not a phase. We are everywhere. And if people have a problem with us, well it is exactly that: their problem. See you at the parade!
