Punctuation is fraught and contentious business, and that’s before you even take semicolons into consideration. The battleground at present is the exclamation mark, because its use is such a gendered thing. That much is evident from a study to be published next month by the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. There the authors reveal that women use exclamation marks nearly three times more than men. And yes, I was almost physically repressing the urge to end that sentence with one of them, thereby proving the point.
To cut to the chase, this form of punctuation is a means for women to be nice and non-confrontational. Or rather, it’s attributable to women’s fears they will appear cold and unfriendly if they don’t use it, according to the study’s co-author Cheryl Wakslak, associate professor of management at the University of Southern California. In the study, the people using the punctuation were perceived as more approachable but often “lower in analytical thinking”. Oof. (Look, just a full stop at the end of that last sentence!) That’s a particular gender stereotype you don’t want to play into.
“Exclamation points”, the study says, “can serve as a useful way to communicate affective tone”
“Exclamation points”, the study says, “can serve as a useful way to communicate affective tone, especially in digital text-based communication, where other cues such as vocal tones and body language are lacking.”
In other words, exclamation marks are suggestive of a bright smile, a non-confrontational stance, a willingness not to seem bossy even if you are being bossy. I have to stop myself from using them all the time. For they are also an infantilising form of communication, notwithstanding their use by Donald Trump (Losers!!). They suggest that the user is desperate to seem nice, to avoid giving offence. But you know what? Your actual message should convey that without an exclamation mark taking the sting out of it. Do I even need to plumb the murky depths to ask why women should be so keen not to give offence? Put it another way, exclamation marks are a way not to seem a harridan. Or as the study more kindly puts it, they are a way for the user to seem warmer.
Exclamation marks (other than in the words, Ready! Aim! Fire!) are markers of affectivity. And here I refer you to the pre-eminent arbiter of style, Jane Austen. And whaddya know, “Jane Austen used an exclamation mark 495 times in Pride and Prejudice - averaging out at about two a page”, according to Mark Forsyth, writing in The Spectator. The Jane Austen newsletter analysed the finding further. “This may be explained by the fact that within the novel the narrator never uses an exclamation mark. It is only the named characters who use them, and the marks are used within a character's direct speech (often to indicate how very silly they’re being). Hardly surprisingly therefore that of the first hundred exclamation marks in Pride and Prejudice, the majority belong to Mrs Bennet.” Well, if that isn’t a warning to the rest of us to use with caution, I don’t know what is. Do you want to sound like Mrs B?
Actually, some people do. Cheryl Wakslak told the Financial Times the results were “freeing because... we find that exclamation point usage is very positive. It was my natural style anyway. Now I’m all in!” And my daughter, 18, is with her. “Why don’t you see it as a problem that men don’t use exclamation marks?” she says, in a not very non-confrontational tone. “Why are you trying to make us all self-conscious?” Well, too bad. Getting your punctuation to do your heavy lifting in terms of conveying tone is just lazy.
There are other markers of female desire to please, too, one being kisses at the end of messages
There are other markers of female desire to please, too, one being kisses at the end of messages. I do that all the time. It’s a way to say, “Friend, I come in peace”, or, “do not take what I’ve just said badly; I do like you.” Again, I have to stop myself over-using them and rarely to use them with men. Because for men, communication is more likely to be a straightforward business of conveying a message, not conveying tone. And that’s the acid test. I ask myself before using an exclamation mark: would Sir Paul Dacre, former editor of this paper, use them? And if the answer is no, as it almost always is, I don’t either.
As for emojis, don’t get me started. They’re just abject.
