Righto, Louise Taylor’s match report is here.
That being the case, we’re done here. Thanks for your company and comments – enjoy what’s left of the weekend by joining Scott Murray for the golf, where Rory McIlroy is moving – and otherwise, peace out.
Merlin Rohl is a tremendous name. I do hope he introduced himself to Enzo “Morgana” Le Fée.
Back to the system Nuno picked, it was for good reason – it worked quite well against Arsenal and, in theory, allowed his team to defend deep and explode. In the event, they were undermanned in midfield – though it’s also worth pointing out that the individual errors would’ve undermined any formation.
So where do West Ham go from here? Well, you’ve got to assume Fernandes is off, probably Bowen too and perhaps Diouf and Summerville. If the rest stay, they should have enough to make an immediate return, but whether the remaining players are up for the physical challenge of the Champo remains to be seen.
I fear I overhpyed this game. Not because it wasn’t worthy of it, but because West Ham just couldn’t get themselves going, Newcastle’s extra class and physicality in midfield just too much for them.
The league table
Grim for West Ham.
FULL TIME: Newcastle United 3-1 West Ham
West Ham are on the brink of the brink.
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90+8 min So, whose fault is it? I daresay the fans will blame the board, and well they might – the mismanagement has been dreadful, in terms of managers employed and players signed, but also, moving from Upton Park to the Olympic Stadium, without turning it into a football ground, robbed West Ham of one of their biggest competitive advantages.
90+7 min Again, if Spurs take a point from their last two games, they’ll stay up as, even if West Ham win on Sunday, the goal-difference difference is insurmountable.
90+6 min Here come Newcastle again, Elanga screeching down the right. But his cross is poor, and the opportunity expires.
90+5 min …and Castellanos slams it into the wall, the ball rears up, and Pope claims.
90+3 min Juast as West Ham try to build momentum, Diouf passes into touch for no reason whatsoever. Then Summerville, who’s done his best, again wriggles forward, so Guimaraes, still smarting after the Willock fall-out swings a boot at his shin. Free-kick in a dangerous position, 25 yards out, pretty central…
90+2 min Back to that Trippier interview, why could it not have waited until full time? What if Hall had scored? Very odd behaviour.
90 min We’ll have seven additional minutes, to begin with a Newcastle free-kick, as Guimaraes and Willock exchange sentiments.
89 min Fernandes has been disappointing today. The way he’s played this season and especially the last couple of months, I hoped he’d be a reference point for West Ham, dropping deep to get them up the pitch, then picking up possession again in the final third. But he’s struggled to get into the game, taught a bit of a lesson in how to get on the ball by Bruno Guimaraes.
87 min Oh, Sky have cornered Trippier for an interview. He says when he first arrived, people criticised him, but he’s helped Newcastle win a trophy and qualify for the Champions League twice, so hopes he’s helped take the club forward. “Special place, special people,” he concludes. “I’m proud to wear the black and white.” Meantime, Hermansen blocks Hall’s low shot with his feet and, with two minutes to go, Spurs are nearly safe having not kicked a ball this weekend.
85 min Changes for Newcastle, Trippier withdrawn to enjoy a standing ovation – that’s lovely – with Osula also withdrawn, Elanga and Wissa coming on.
84 min I wonder if Nuno regrets the team he picked, because again, when a cross comes into the box, it’s Castellanos up. He flicks hard, Pope parries, and when collects the loose ball, he opts not to square for Wilson, shooting from an acute angle, and the keeper saves again.
83 min Burn lanks down the left and crosses, but when the ball runs away, Summerville intercepts the pass back infield, skating away from Hall, who fouls him twice because the first go is ridden really well; he’s booked.
82 min West Ham try to pick a route through the middle of the Newcastle defence, but with five men now in it, that’s not easily done.
80 min Ousla eases through midfield so Kante yanks him down then, just to make sure, hoofs the ball away; he’s booked.
80 min This has been such a strange game. You’d have thought that, 3-0 down after 64, West Ham had been awful. But in general play they’ve not been too bad, they’ve just defended poorly at crucial moments and haven’t taken their chances.
78 min Suddenly it’s all West Ham, Diouf crossing from the left and, on the far side, Castellanos is underneath it. He might shoot first-time and on the volley, but instead controls, worsening the angle a little, then laces a shot that’s never going in but which clips the back of the bar.
76 min a cross into the box, I don’t see who from, drops over Wilson’s shoulder, and he flicks it goalwards with the outside of his right foot, but Pope is there.
75 min Changes for Newcastle, Murphy and Burn replacing Woltemade and Barnes.
74 min Newcastle have got sloppy and Bowen seizes upon a loose ball in centrefield, bouncing towards the box with shooting lanes open and men up in support. He opts to shoot, but his tame effort is far too near Pope.
73 min A pass into the box and Wilson reaches it ahead of Hall, who stretches and knocks his heel – West Ham want a penalty – and when the ball goes dead, VAR has a look, concluding that there’s nothing amiss. It’s a tricky one, as I’m not sure Hall got any ball and he did get some man but, at the same time, there’s nowhere near enough in it for an 805 chance of a goal.
73 min Fernandes lots a pass from centre to left, Castellanos looking to head into the path of Wilson … but he can’t quite get the angle right.
72 min Back come Newcastle, feeding in Guimaraes down the right; his low cross is blocked by Hermansen, who throws a foot at it … and the corner comes to nowt.
OHHH WHAT A GOAL! Newcastle United 3-1 West Ham United (Catellanos 70)
Now then! Hermansen wellies forward, the ball bounces, eluding defenders as Castellanos latches on to it, bounces again, and, from 25 yards out, almost facing the touchline, the West Ham sub hooks a sensational finish over Pope, well off his line as you’d expect him to be, and into the top corner! They couldn’t, could they?
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67 min West Ham have put it in today, but they’ve defended so poorly in key moments.
GOAL! Newcastle United 3-0 West Ham United (Osula 65)
Eddie Howe must be wondering where this football’s been all season. Another lovely, snappy exchange follows Willock sneaking possession by seizing upon a weak throw in, fro Diouf to Pablo, finding Osula infield. The return sets him away down the right, he looks up, punches a square-pass into the middle, and Osula finishes emphatically. If Spurs take a point at Chelsea on Tuesday, the goal-difference means they’ll stay up or, in other words, West Ham are five to down.
Updated
64 min Changes for West ham. Pablo and Kante on for Soucek and Wan-Bissaka. That’s four strikers on the pitch now.
62 min Out on the left, Summerville takes a pass from Diouf, bursting between two defenders and into the box, sidewinding as he looks to open a shooting lane. He sways outside then inside, looking to slide his shot between Thiaw’s legs, but clips a bit of ankle and Newcastle clear.
61 min “Harvey Barnes can emerge from the shadow of Anthony Gordon,” reckons Tony Hughes. “There were many eyebrows raised when Kompany got the Bayern Munich gig. Perhaps Gordon needs this sort of challenge - like Kompany did - in order to get to that next level.”
I was interested to see Barnes turn down Scotland, and a World Cup trip, to play for England – he must have a lot of confidence, because I’d have seized the opportunity without having to think much about it at all were I him.
59 min Soucek shoves Guimaraes over then, as he lays prone, boots him to the body a couple of times. The Newcastle captain loves this every bit as much as you’d expect, bouncing back up for ruckus, and the players are split up before the ref books the West Ham man – who does well to avoid a sending-off. That was, for mine, a much more serious offence than a ponytail-fondle.
57 min Immediately, Newcastle move upfield, Hermansen parrying from Barnes then, when they sustain the attack, Guimaraes curls from 25 yards, just over the bar.
56 min It’s West Ham dominating possession, Newcastle sitting deep, Fernandes playing into Soucek and following the ball, taking the return lay-back and shooting, but straight at and at a decent height for Pope.
54 min I really like Tonali as a player – the combination of engine and passing is actually quite rare. I’m not sure he’d work at Arsenal, but if Declan Rice is back to being a six, he’d be a really useful eight, and good for the squad in any event.
53 min And there it is, Tonali off, Willock on. Will he play at SJP again? My sense is not, because there’ll be a club able to pay the asking price, while Newcastle need a few sales to strengthen.
52 min Before we can resume, Tonali goes down with cramp and, opn the bench, Willock prepares to come on.
52 min Fernandes carries and finds Diouf, who crosses well to the back post, where Wilson, looking to bag against his former club, opts to take the ball down … allowing Botman to intercede.
49 min “I think Anthony Gordon is an oustanding footballer and a huge loss for us, regardless of perceived/genuine attitude issues,” returns Chris Paraskevas. “A lot of the tactical work he does off the ball can go unnoticed, and he is genuinely lethal in front of goal when in the mood (albeit, via penalties often, which we shouldn’t scoff at).
He’s a unique player and personality. Definitely not Bayern Munich quality but he’ll settle quickly in the Farmersliga and go on to be world class, most likely.
That’s not to say Newcastle fans are sad to see him go at all: there’s a bit of a hard edge/cynicism to us after the summer saga with The Other Bloke.
However, contrast the shrug of shoulders for Gordon with the love-in for Trippier, who has displayed a consistent attitude and determination during good times and bad. Says it all about their legacies at this club.”
I like Gordon – you could see he had something when he broke through at Everton – and I’d never seriously criticise a footballer for thinking themselves better than they are, because it’s an almost essential part of their armoury (and find me a writer of whom that isn’t so). But I don’t especially fancy him in a possession side – he looks to me like a useful weapon in a counter-attacking team , and a nasty sub against tired legs.
48 min West Ham totally have the ability to get back into this – if they score next, you’d almost fancy them. But can they keep the back door shut?
46 min I missed this at the time, typing, but Osula celebrated his goal with a sparkly glove and Michael Jackson-style dance. Seriously.
46 min We go again…
Half-time email: “It seems to me that Nuno doesn’t have to turn on the hairdryer,” writes Kári Tulinius. “All he needs to do is remind them if they manage to avoid relegation at 2-0 down with a game and half left of the season, they’ll be legends.”
The most softly-spoken man around might not even be capable of a hairdryer. I think it’s unlikely, anyroad up, though, because his team played OK in the last 15 minutes of the half, so his job is to help them work out a tactical route back into things.
Half-time entertainment:
On the ball – guess the footballer
The Guardian has kicked off a new chapter in puzzles with the launch of its first daily football game, On the ball. It is now live in the app for both iOS and Android … so what are you waiting for?
HALF-TIME: Newcastle United 2-0 West Ham United
Eddie Howe’s men are well worth their advantage, but don’t rule West Ham out quite yet.
45+3 min West Ham have looked better since changing formation – the ball is sticking more up front and they’re not any more porous at the back. I’d expect them to score, but I’d not be at all surprised if they conceded again,
45+1 min “That’s that then,” reckons Dave Estherby. “No doubt Spurs fans watching this will be celebrating but the Tottenham board would do well to consider that avoiding relegation by finishing 17th two seasons in a row, when two of the teams that did go down in those years were a) Wolves and b) Russell Martin’s comically incompetent Southampton, is abject to say the very least. I’d love to know what’s in De Zerbi’s contract.”
What we’ve seen of De Zerbi so far, I’d expect a significant improvement next season. I imagine the contract says pretty much what he wanted it to, because desperation stinks.
45 min There’s a decent tempo to this game now, but West Ham badly need a livener We’ll have three additional minutes.
44 min And he tries one here when Wilson finds him, crossing into the corridor but way too powerfully for whatever he was hoping to achieve.
42 min What do we think about El-Hadji Diouf, then? First time I saw him play, I was extremely impressed, but now I’m wondering if he’s an average footballer with an incredibly athletic profile and a blinding cross.
41 min West Ham win a free-kick 40 yards out, left of centre, which Diouf hammers over the by-line.
40 min What level of player do we think Anthony Gordon is? I think he’s decent, but he’d be doing very well to get to Bayern, I’d say – they need more, much more, than the occasional open-play goal and some useful penalty-taking.
39 min Newcastle win a corner that yields another, Mavrapanos heading away. West Ham look like they’ve a goal or two in them, but they also look liable to concede another couple.
37 min “The sound and fury of an Argentinian and a Brazilian cursing each other in their related-but-distinctly-different tongues about a footballing disagreement is something to behold,” reckons Peter Oh. “Castellanos v Guimarães is the latest installment. I wonder if we might be treated to a World Cup version this summer.”
That’d be nice. You can’t beat some behaviour that no one wants to see that in fact everyone wants to see.
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36 min A ball over the top from Guimaraes and Osula steals away from Mavrapanos, leaping to collect … and misses it entirely. West Ham look like they could score, but if they defend like that they’re not yet done conceding.
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34 min This is now a game of football, Bowen playing into Wilson, who lays back for Summerville, who looks to thread through to meet Bowen’s run. Someone, Thiaw I think, intercepts, but West Ham appear to have decided they should probably start competing.
32 min West Ham have roused themselves, Summerville swinging over a terrific cross to the far post, which Wilson can’t quite get at, perhaps taking his eye off it. perhaps assuming the defenders will clear.
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30 min But here comes West Ham, their most coherent attack so far, Fernandes finding Sumerville down the left, whose cut-back arrives into the stride of the advancing Castellanos, who leaps, shoots … and sees Pope palm away, then Diouf clobbers the loose ball and the keeper saves a second time.
29 min I said I was excited to see Fernandes, but he’s barely had a kick. Newcastle on the other hand, have been all over West Ham like a cheap rash.
27 min Castellanos leaves one on Guimaraes, and the ref gives him a going-over, then Trippier adds his thoughts and we get back under way, no booking.
26 min And here comes the change, a ruefully-smiling Todibo replaced, meaning no more three at the back, with Castellanos moving alongside Wilson in a 4-4-2.
25 min Nuno can’t tolerate any more of this, so has Castellanos getting ready with Todibo about to be hooked.
24 min But Newcastle then ooze forward once more, easily picking up spaces between men and lines to win a corner. It goes short, then Tonali curls into Hermansen’s midriff.
23 min Better from West Ham, Bowen moving down the right and cutting back for Fernandes, whose thumping shot is blocked at source.
21 min You never know, but this match feels over already.
LOVELY GOAL! Newcastle United 2-0 West Ham United (Osula 19)
Having shoved West Ham through the trapdoor, Newcastle stomp on the fingers with which they’re holding on. This is a glorious move, Tripper, Barnes, Guimaraes and Ramsey combining with delicious one-touch stuff, to send Osula marching through the middle, and his finish, slotted across Hewrmansen, is emphatic, the goal as welcome in N17 as in NE1.
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19 min Osula looks to poke a bouncing ball through for Barnes, but it runs away form him – just.
16 min Newcastle fancy this now and, from a West Ham perspective, that goal was way too easily taken.
GOAL! Newcastle United 1-0 West Ham United (Woltemade 14)
A careless pass from Hermansen is intercepted by Barnes, out on the right. He advances, Fernandes doing nowt to close him down, crosses, and Woltemade turns it with the flight of the ball and inside the far post. Trouble for Nuno’s boys.
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13 min The next corner goes to the near post, where Osula heads behind.
12 min Var wants a look at the ball hitting Soucek’s arm and gosh, he does sidle towards it, though hands remains by side. No penalty is the verdict but had one been given, I doubt it’s overturned.
11 min Osula takes the ball in the centre-circle and whizzes between two defenders then, putting a ball into the box, it hits Soucek’s arm and goes behind. So, after a brief penalty check, the corner comes in and West Ham get it away – but it comers straight back again, Newcastle quickly winning another go from the opposite flank, the left.
10 min Newcastle win a corner down the right, it goes short and, from outside the box, Guimaraes sweeps a low outswinger that Pope saves easily enough.
9 min “Am I missing something here?” wonders Matthew Lysaght. “Four years isn’t exactly a Séamus-esque stint at a club now, is it? One trophy more, granted, but still...”
I think – and Newcastle fans, please correct me if I’m wrong – that Trippier is loved because his signing signalled an intention and, since arriving, he’s driven standards. The kind of standards that saw them win the elusive trophy you mention. So I’m not surprised he’s loved – see also: Casemiro, C.
7 min The word “hoof”:always makes me smile because when, as a kid, I went to the London Five-a-Sides, some older lads from school were there giving Warren Barton dog’s abuse and, every time he touched the ball, the lot of them wold shout “Hoooooof!”
6 min Guimaraes lends the ball out, seeking space for a momentum-shifting pass then, when he doesn’t find one, Tonali’s cross is hoofed into touch by Mavrapanos.
4 min Mavrapanos makes a hash of a bouncing ball and, worried by Osula, loses out. A pass infield, then one out to the right, increase the danger, but when the cross comes in, it’s cleared easily enough.
3 min West Ham knock it about, probing, with Newcastle sitting off. Then Mavrapnos drills a switch out to Wan-Bissaka, who beats his man, crosses … and Botman clears ahead of Summerville.
1 min Tonali punches a pass into middled, dummied nicely by Barnes, before Osula spreads … into touch.
1 min Fun fact: East London to Newcastle is a shorter journey than SJP forecourt to the top of the away end.
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1 min Aaaaand away we go!
Our teams are tunnelled … and here they come, some of the Newcastle players holding children who I presume belong to them.
Email! “G’Day Daniel,” begins Chris Paraskevas in Australia. “It’s been the most difficult season in recent memory for us Newcastle fans, with a number of embarrassing results punctuated by the fact that our mortal enemies could be about to secure European football.
At times like this however, the farewell appearance of the legendary Kieran Trippier reminds us of how far we’ve come in a short space of time: from annual relegation candidates to trophy winners, it’s inevitable that there will be some pain to punctuate our rise.
However, the situation is not helped the fact that a certain Jarred Gillett is on whistle duty. Combined with a 2.30 am kick-off, a lack of sleep (the result neighbour’s dog + Amazonian parrot + dodgy leftover pizza) feels like one final [redacted] from the footballing gods, following on from Woltemade’s infamous own goal and having to sit through Lewis Hall as a right-back.
...and to top it all off I don’t think too many of us would mind if we lost to the Hammers and precipitated Spurs’ decline.
What am I doing with my life, Daniel?”
Yup, Newcastle need a win today to have any chance of finishing above Sunderland – and I can’t lie, Woltemade’s own goal is one of my funniest moments of the season. What a header.
As for what you’re doing with your life, you seem to have accepted like, the rest of us, you’re not well, poorly with football and rightly so.
Updated
Eddie Howe says his team have improved in the last three or four games and they’re desperate to win today. Joelinton hurt himself in training so he’s out and, though the injury isn’t serious, it doesn’t sound like he’ll play next weekend.
He’s full of praise for Trippier and what he’s done for the team and “the people of Newcastle,” concluding by noting what a good, flexible team West Ham are.
Next week, West Ham face Leeds at home – an eminently winnable match, in theory, except Daniel Farke’s side are sprinting to the finish, a pilfered win over Brighton this afternoon augmenting the vibes yet further.
I’m not surprised Nuno’s stuck with the back three deployed against Arsenal, as it gives him what he likes, which also suits his players: defensive numbers, especially centrally, quick counters, and an extra set-piece target. If Newcastle play really well, they’ll win, but I fancy West Ham to get something.
Nuno knows this is a must-win game and is hoping for a good performance against a very tough team. His players, motivated and ready to compete, trust themselves, the togetherness is there, and Wilson has been picked because he delivers goals.
It’s a funny thing, really. On the one hand, it’s great to see fans of English clubs – Palace this season, perhaps Sunderland and Brentford next – get to go on Euro aways when they thought they might spend a lifetime without one. But, on the other, the upper-middle of the Premier League is so much stronger than the equivalent elsewhere that you expect both Europa and Conference Leagues – the latter a massive success - to be won by clubs of that ilk more often than not.
So Brighton miss the opportunity to put themselves in pole position for the sixth place that might be enough for the Champions League, while Sunderland still have a shot at Europe. What a season they’ve had.
Results
Brentford 2-2 Crystal Palace
Everton 1-3 Sunderland
Leeds 1-0 Brighton
Wolves 1-1 Fulham
I’m really looking forward to seeing how Fernandes gets on against Tonali and Guimarães. I absolutely love him as a player – his excellence in all phases and the way he directs much older teammates about the park – but can he take hold of what’s probably the biggest match he’s ever played in?
As for West Ham, they’ll want to clutter up the middle of the pitch forcing Newcastle to go around them and knowing that, if they pick their moments judiciously, they’ve the quality to play through Newcastle. If not, though, Bowen and Summerville are dynamite on the counter and we can be certain they’ll be haring forward at every opportunity, liberated, you assume, from the majority of defensive duties.
I also think Nuno will want El-Hadjo Diouf to motor down the left, looking to sling over crosses for Wilson and Tomas Soucek, who I’d also expect to be dangerous at set-pieces.
So where is the game? Newcastle will look to use Woltemade as a pivot, playing into him as he drops off, with Barnes, Ramsey and Osula attacking space in behind. And I’d also expect him to hit the box, looking to get on the end of crosses, especially high ones, with width supplied by Trippier and Lewis Hall. Otherwise, Bruno Guimarães and Sandro Tonali will look to control midfield, outrunning but also outplaying West Ham’s trio.
As for West Ham, they go for experience, Callum Wilson surprisingly replacing Taty Castellanos.
Newcastle make two changes to the side which drew at Forest. In come Kieran Trippier, making his last appearance at SJP – and what an impact he’s had – and Harvey Barnes, with Dan Burn and Joelinton dropping out. Anthony Gordon, likely to leave in the summer, remains on the bench, Eddie Howe having previously said he’d be looking to next season with his selections.
And, in the meantime, we’ve plenty to keep you in thrall:
I’ll scribble these down, then we’ll think about what they might mean.
Teams!
Newcastle United (4-2-3-1): Pope; Trippier, Botman, Thiaw, Hall; Guimaraes, Tonali; Ramsey, Woltemade, Barnes; Osula. Subs: Burn, Elanga, Gordon, Murphy A, Murphy J, Neave, Ramsdale, Willock, Wissa.
West Ham United (3-4-2-1): Hermansen; Mavropanos, Todibo, Disasi; Wan-Bissaka, Fernandes, Soucek, Diouf; Bowen, Summerville; Wilson. Subs: Areola, Castellanos, Kanté, Kilman, Magassa, Pablo, Potts, Scarles, Walker-Peters.
Referee: Jarred Gillett: (Gold Coast, Australia)
Preamble
With just a week of the Premier League season remaining, it’s time for some honest reflection: M&S sherbet fruits are the best football snack. Or Mini Eggs the standard at the top is not high. However, the level beneath that – from sixth all the way down to 18th – has never been higher, anywhere.
And for proof, all we need to do is take look at West Ham: it’s arguable that, whether the final relegation slot is filled by them or Tottenham, currently sat two points ahead, no better side will ever have gone down. Matheus Fernandes and Jarrod Bowen are top players; Crysencio Summerville and Taty Castellanos are more than useful; and a goodly number of others are well up to playing top-division football.
Nor is West Ham’s form that of a relegation outfit. In each of the last nine seasons, 36 points has been enough to stay up, but they have that with two games to go – as well as two wins and a draw in their last five.
Of course, they’re being punished now for dreadful form in the early part of the season, especially under Graham Potter, and also for the tremendous behaviour of Sunderland and Leeds, two promoted clubs. But even so, there is no way whatsoever they should be where they are, needing at least one win in their last two games to preserve their status, with even two potentially insufficient.
If they could get the big W tonight, though, they’d put serious pressure on Spurs, who travel to Chelsea on Tuesday and host Everton on the final day. And one victory in six, along with seven home defeats, tell us Newcastle are beatable, the physicality which underpins their best play less pronounced this season and the contribution of Alexander Isak not adequately replaced.
So, though trips to St James’ are never easy, given the way things have gone for Newcastle this term and the nothing for which they have to play, it’s actually one of the better options for a side desperately seeking a result. But Eddie Howe’s men won’t want the shame of another set of players cavorting on their pitch, just as their support won’t want the away contingent leaving with happy vibes, so it’s eyes down for a absolutely tussle that might just be the highest-level 13th v 18th we’ve ever seen; this is absolutely gargantuan.
Kick-off: 5.30pm BST
