I am a man in my mid-30s, and my wife is physically abusive. This is difficult to talk about, not just because of the man-woman thing, but also because I’m from a more traditional country, and things aren’t the same there. My wife started pushing and slapping me early in our marriage, but this has descended to scratching, kicking and punching. When co-workers see me with a black eye, I make excuses. She complains that I don’t spend enough money on her. Recently, she told me that she resents marrying me and finds me ugly. She is also six months pregnant, and has never had a job. I haven’t told anyone about the abuse and don’t know what to do. My father was very abusive to my mother and I vowed never to be the same, but it takes a lot of restraint. Should I leave my wife?
• When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.
• If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
• All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).
