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North-west London for the 15 years I’ve been in the city, because my first job was on kids’ TV in White City at the BBC studios. I live with my wife, my child and my dog, and we’ve been in our current place for four years. I really like it. We’ve got a little park, a local greengrocer and there’s no big pubs or clubs or all that. We are pretty chill people, so we don’t mind that.
What is your first memory of London?
BBC Television Centre on the first day I walked in. I saw Phil Tufnell. He was doing a rumba on Strictly that week and he was outside with these big frilly sleeves smoking a fag. I remember thinking this is a wild place, I like it here. Where do you go to let your hair down? There’s a pub in south London called the Four Thieves that runs comedy. That’s how I found it. And upstairs, it’s got an arcade and this massive remote control racing track.
Who do you call when you want to have fun?
Primarily my wife. We tend to go out together. I spend 99 per cent of my time with her. We love a night out and we love spending time together. Or Joel Dommett, the comedian and television presenter.
What would you do if you were Mayor for the day?
I would give myself a lifetime parking space just off Bond Street, right in the middle of London and that would be me sorted. I’d never have to worry about finding parking, paying for parking or downloading another f***ing app. Or finding coins for the machine. Happy days. Did you notice I wouldn’t give anyone else a spot? Just myself. I would do the most selfish thing a man can do.
Ever had a run-in with a police officer?
My sister got her bag stolen once and we had to speak to the police, but I didn’t steal the bag. I was very much a witness rather than a suspect. So, I’ve been lucky on the old police front.
What’s the best (or worst) thing a cabbie has ever said to you?
When a cab driver says, ‘I’m not going that way, mate.’ I don’t think you realise how London that is. When my parents come down from Scotland and they say, ‘Oh hi, can you take us to West Ham?’ And a cabbie says, ‘I’m not going that way’, and drives off. They’re like, ‘What?! You’re a cabbie! Your job is going where I asked you to go!’ What are we supposed to do? Ask: ‘Where do you live? Okay, just drop me off as near as you can get.’ That’s insane! When you live in London, you sort of accept it but it’s crazy that they ever say to a paying customer, ‘No that’s not convenient for me.’
What’s your biggest extravagance?
Do you know what’s expensive but is really fun? A rickshaw. One that you haven’t previously negotiated before the ride is the biggest extravagance. You can get it two blocks and if you’ve not pre-discussed a fee, I reckon they’d charge you a hundred bucks. I do like the occasional fancy restaurant and I do like my whiskies — and whisky in London restaurants isn’t fun in the price department. A 12-year-old Glenlivet, or I might go 18 if I’m really treating myself, would be my tipple of choice, or a Redbreast, which is a nice Irish one.
What’s your London secret?
Do I want to give it away? You know what, I will share. There’s a pub called The Bill Murray, which is near Angel. It’s a comedy club through the back. It’s run by comedians, there’s a nice selection of ale on tap and outside there’s murals of, like Whoopi Goldberg and Billy Connolly. The comedy’s always good, it’s reasonably priced and a great place to go.
Iain Stirling’s new series of ‘Buffering’ is available on ITVX now
