I’m a 28-year-old woman and for the past couple of years I’ve had this insane crush on a guy at work. I actually think I’m in love with him, even though we’ve never socialised outside of the office.
I bore my friends to tears talking about him and I think they’re getting fed up with it. To quote one of them: “Please, God, just ask him out!”
We sometimes chat at work, but not that often as we’re in different departments, and I do get the feeling he’s attracted to me, too.
I know he’s single and he’s a couple of years older than me. The conversation never moves past small talk, though, and it would feel weird to suddenly suggest going out for a drink.
The mad thing is, I’ve always been quite ambitious and I’m ready to move on to the next stage in my career, and have seen some great jobs that would be perfect, but I never apply for them because it would mean I wouldn’t see this guy.
Please help. The whole thing is driving me crazy and I feel totally stuck.
Coleen says
I think you should consider why you haven’t tried to take things further with this guy. Maybe it’s a deep fear of rejection or perhaps you’ve built up this fantasy of what it would be like and you’re worried the reality won’t match up to it.
The truth is, you don’t really know him and that’s where you should start – getting to know him better. Because you might find you’ve wasted a lot of time dreaming about someone who’s not right for you at all.
Next time you chat, try to take the conversation further – ask him where he likes to go for a drink after work and what he likes
to do for fun and so on. If there’s something you both have in common, then suggest a coffee or lunch during work.
You might find there’s no chemistry between you at all – but it’s important to know one way or the other.
Finally, please don’t put your career on hold. In fact, perhaps getting a new job will give you the space or the “permission” to be a bit bolder and suggest meeting up for a drink.
