Dear Coleen
My husband stuck up a friendship with his hairdresser, who he’s been going to for a few years. At first I thought nothing of it, even the fact that they had each other’s mobile numbers.
I didn’t feel threatened at all – he takes our son there to get his hair cut too.
Then he started being protective over his phone and even raced halfway across the room to pick it up when it pinged! I started getting suspicious that something might be going on, so I managed to get hold of his phone and look through it. There were dozens of flirty messages between them and in one he even said he’d take the dog for a walk, so he could swing by her salon.
I went mad and accused him of having an affair, but he denied it and said they’d just got close as friends, but hadn’t slept together or even kissed.
He promised he’d find a new hairdresser and that he wouldn’t text her again, but the other night he left his phone on the table while he was in the shower and a text came through from her, asking how things were and if he wanted to talk.
I’m furious and feel like such an idiot. What should I do?
What advice would you give? Have your say in the comment section
Coleen says
Well, I think an emotional affair is what’s going on, whether he wants to admit it or not. He’s grown close to another woman, they’re obviously confiding in each other, he’s looking for excuses to see her and he deliberately hid their messages from you.
It’s very easy to claim there’s “nothing going on” when nothing physical has happened, but the fact is, he’s hiding this relationship from you because he knows it’s crossing a line. If they were nothing more than friends or acquaintances, there would be no reason to hide anything.
This kind of “affair” can hurt just as much as a sexual one – there’s emotional intimacy and he’s willing to risk your marriage over it.
You have to confront him over this latest message. Don’t let him wriggle out of it and claim you’re paranoid, so you can make a decision.
He promised you he’d stop messaging her and he hasn’t. Does he want to keep this friendship or keep his marriage? Good luck.
