Get all your news in one place.
100’s of premium titles.
One app.
Start reading
Daily Mirror
Daily Mirror
Paige Holland

'My damned cat is an evil genius - he got my wife pregnant'

A man has shared the strange way his wife got pregnant... and it involves his cat.

The couple welcomed their first child last year, but she had a difficult pregnancy which saw her on bed rest for several weeks.

Their son was born two months before his due date weighing 4lb 2oz, but thankfully he was happy and healthy.

Due to the nature of their first pregnancy they decided to hold off on having another child for a couple of years.

He said: "[My wife] started birth control shortly after giving birth to be sure we had no surprises, but the pill tends to make her very sick and she wanted to lose weight, so she stopped taking it.

"We thought rubbers would be enough, but that’s where our cat comes in..."

Their cat loves to shred the cotton buds, but they happened to be in the same cupboard as the condoms (Getty Images/iStockphoto)

He said: "Our cat is an evil genius. I seriously think the greasy orange little s**t is still smarter than our nearly one year old.

"He gets into everything, and I do mean everything. No door, drawer, or cabinet can stop him, and if he knows where something he wants is he WILL find it.

"It’s so bad that for weeks after adopting him I thought there was poltergeist in the house because each morning I’d wake up to find every single cabinet door in the kitchen wide open!

"So how did I f**k up and let him impregnate my wife?

"Well, my first f**k up was storing the condoms in the same drawer as the Q-tips, which he loves to get into and shred apart. He must have seen the box of Q-tips in the drawer when I put my rubbers away, because not even an hour later I stumbled upon a horrific scene of chewed plastic straws, shredded cotton fluff and shiny gold condom wrappers scattered around the gapping drawer that once contained them..."

He cleared up the destroyed Q-tips and put the condoms back in their box, thinking nothing of it.

"We ended up having some sexy time later that night, and I vividly remember stumbling into the dark bathroom, opening said drawer, and blindly fumbling around in the box to pull out a condom (as was the routine) thinking nothing of what happened earlier."

But fast forward a few weeks and his wife was complaining of nausea and tender breasts.

"We immediately shoot each a concerned glance as this ain’t our first rodeo, and she felt the same way before discovering her first pregnancy. She still had a half empty box of tests from the year before and decided to take one just to be sure. Followed by another one... and another one... all positive."

And that's when it hit him..."That damned cat."

"I ran over to bathroom drawer where I kept the condoms, dumped out the box on the counter and started to inspect each miserable little foil square.

"Sure enough, several had noticeable scratches, teeth marks, and even full blown punctures in them... which leads me to f**k up number two, not checking to see if the cat chewed on any of my rubbers weeks before when he had gotten into that drawer..."

But although the pregnancy was a complete shock, he concluded his Reddit post by saying: "Can't wait to explain to my new son or daughter one day that they owe their existence to the family cat!"

Sign up to read this article
Read news from 100’s of titles, curated specifically for you.
Already a member? Sign in here
Related Stories
Top stories on inkl right now
One subscription that gives you access to news from hundreds of sites
Already a member? Sign in here
Our Picks
Fourteen days free
Download the app
One app. One membership.
100+ trusted global sources.