My boyfriend doesn’t seem to know what to do during sex. He’s 25 and he says he has had several sexual partners before me, but I’m not sure I believe him. He penetrates and then seems to just stay there, barely moving, until I go on top and take control! Is this a lost cause?
He’s probably afraid to thrust in case he finishes too quickly. Some men who ejaculate earlier than most partners would wish try to reduce sensation in this way, and it usually leaves their partners mystified. Your taking the dominant position may be a good way for him to delay orgasm because he has less control. It’s also possible that his early sexual exploration of his own body may have had to be extremely clandestine, with a minimum of movement, and he may be unable so far to transition to vigorous thrusting. Alternatively, he may simply have a limited range of comfortable coital styles. Either way, a conversation is necessary. Something like “I enjoy our intimacy, but I’d like you to help me understand more about our sexual connection. For example, how does it feel for you when you are on top? Which is your preferred method of reaching orgasm?” Once you have more information, you can figure out a way forward. Then, gently ask for what you need. It doesn’t matter whether he has had partners before or not; what’s important is to find a way to make things work for you both as individuals.
