Well honestly I said to Dave, it is all tax return this, inheritance that, do you think we could find literally a single second talk about the real reputational damage #Panama? He’s like, chill babes, your panama IS just a notebook, compared with everyone saying the entire Conservative party is institutionally corrupt, lol, I’m like, excuse me *priceless heritage voice* Frank Smythson literally invented that notebook, like way before they called a country after it? Dave’s like, so if the notebook is not called after Panama, change the name, I’m like as in, he’s like, IDK, Bermuda, Monaco – does it have to sound like an entirely standard offshore investment opportunity? I’m like, I mean it, our entire witty sayings notebook collection is at risk, Dave’s like, was there anything else, I need to practise bonding, what do you think of my *smiles weirdly* super-approachable colleague face, and *grimaces* this is my *keen theatregoer* one.
Nancy’s like *screams* stop it Dad, I’m like *shivers*, never do that again, actually Mummy said to tell you, how divine, she would totally LOVE the Bank of England job?
Dave’s like, what? I’m like, remember, her thank you for having the hamsters for Lanzarote? Tbh Mummy was worried about the time commitment but now she thinks it might work on a Thursday, after pilates, bear in mind she would need to be back at the shop by midday? Dave’s like, soz, this is super-embarrassing but I already offered it to my hairdresser #tippingnightmare, I’m like, so send him to Ofcom, I promised Rosie if Mummy can’t find time she could fit the Bank round wardrobe coordinating? Dave’s like, but does Rosie have the relevant experience, CV-wise, you know what people are like, I’m like, I mean no offence but did Mummy ever ask you that?
Dave’s like, wait – is Rosie at all religious? I’m like, IDK, he’s like, because Welby has been such a rock, I’m like, God IKR, he’s like, so if one HAD a preferred wardrobe coordinator for his replacement? I’m like, omigod you know who would ADORE that, Alexa lives for vestments, mind you, if there is an actual bishopric involved, Nancy was devastated when you gave that public appointments job to a complete stranger :(((
