FRAZZLED FERDINAND
In the preliminaries before kick-off between Aston Villa and Paris Saint-Germain at Parc des Princes last month, TNT Sports landed something of a coup. Having got celebrity Villa fan Prince William to agree to a pre-match interview, Rio Ferdinand and Ally McCoist were dispatched to ask His Royal Highness The Duke of Cornwall and Cambridge for his thoughts on how the game might unfold. While both former footballers have reached an age where they no longer have forelocks worthy of the name left to tug, Rio was so impressed with William’s knowledge of gegenpressing, xG and heat maps that he issued a stark warning to the heir to the throne. “Do not go into a punditry job because I could be out of the game,” he joked, as those armchair viewers the length and breadth of the country who are forced to pay top dollar for TNT subscriptions if they want to watch European football dared to dream.
While there is no evidence to suggest that Prince William subsequently sent an equerry to hand one’s curriculum vitae into the network’s personnel department in the hope of earning a place in the gantry alongside Darren Fletcher and Lucy Ward on co-comms, today it was revealed that Rio is out of the punditry game anyway. The former Manchester United defender has quit TNT after a decade’s service to focus on making YouTube videos in which he says “geezer” a lot, hawking branded snapbacks and chilling with his family. His final outing with Woodsy, Resh, Fletch, Sav, Luce, Coisty, Jules, Crouchy and Owen Hargreaves will be at the Bigger Cup final between PSG and Inter at the Allianz Arena. It is to be hoped he marks the occasion by engineering another one of those ludicrous scenarios where he makes sure the cameras are rolling before studiously not stepping on a club-branded carpet in a preposterously performative show of respect.
“Since retiring from football, it has been a privilege talking about the game I love for a decade for sports fans watching BT Sport and TNT Sports,” he announced in a statement on his Social Media Disgraces. “I want to acknowledge the tremendous support from the team behind the scenes, whose hard work often goes unseen but has been essential to our success. As I turn the page to the next chapter, I carry with me countless memories. I am excited about what the future holds, spending more time with my family, focusing on Rio Ferdinand Presents and my other business interests.”
Whether it was stating the bland and blindingly obvious at great and tedious length, repeatedly parroting “Ballon d’Or!” at the top of his voice in praise of a player who would go on to be overlooked for the award in question, or abandoning any small pretence at professionalism by reducing the commentary of a recent dramatic finale to the status of FanZone homage, Ferdinand has carved out a unique and lucrative niche in the punditry pantheon over the past decade. While TNT have yet to announce how they plan to fill the gaping void that will be left by the absence of his searing football insight and top-tier banter, subscribers can at least rest easy, safe in the knowledge that the inevitable montage of his “best bits” shown at the end of Saturday night’s Bigger Cup broadcast should be mercifully brief.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
[Mikel Arteta] had time to get a nine, he had time … Manchester United played five finals in the last five years. The United that everyone laughs at played five finals. In the last three years of building that building, you didn’t reach a final, so I do understand when people ask the question. Surely you should compete for a trophy, being in the final?” – Thierry Henry doesn’t hold back in outlining frustrations at Arsenal’s failure to sign a goalscorer, reach a final or win a trophy this season.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
“Entries on The Knowledge are always worth reading, but the clip showing Jeff Astle’s tap-in against Leeds after an outrageous non-offside call was especially entertaining. The referee’s howler was the main feature, of course, but three cameos really made it memorable: the old chap in the St John’s ambulance uniform, chuckling away at Astle’s celebration; Don Revie showing untameable outrage by the old-school method of pursing his lips and shaking his head; and the highlight, a fleeting shot of a man in a suit, who could only be Arthur Scargill, being hauled off the pitch protesting against the injustice of it all. Glory days indeed” – Charles Antaki.
“Re Tuesday’s Football Daily, can I be amongst the first of 1,057 pedants to point out that Chelsea came fourth, not fifth” – Matthew Purchase (and 1,056 others).
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Charles Antaki. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
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