Dating in the era of social media makes it easier to know everything about who you’re with–or who you want to be with. Folks bare their lives for all to see, whether that’s sharing intimate photos of their lives on Instagram or career updates on LinkedIn. Before X removed the Likes tab, you could even see what your crush’s interests were by scrolling through their likes. Following their every digital footprint: was it stalking or simply being in love? Who’s to say, the point is, you could glean every facet of their life before you even went on a first date.
When your crush has a social media aversion, however, it can get tricky to find out more about them. One must become creative and use the resources they have at hand if they really want a shot at the object of their desires. This is precisely what singer-songwriter Christiana Miller (@christianamillermusic) did when she wanted to get the attention of her crush.
A little snooping
“Men may think this is unhinged, girls will think that’s completely normal. Mild, even,” Miller prefaces her TikTok, which earned 2.1 million views as of writing.
She shares how she once had a crush on a guy she was going to hang out with and wanted to know more about him before then. According to Miller, the guy barely used social media, and he hadn’t shared them with her so she had to track his Instagram down via his Spotify profile. After scrolling through his dormant Instagram account, she noticed the captions on all his photos were song lyrics. One of them, Miller says, was from a niche song many people might not have heard of. But she had.
And thus, a plan formed in her brain.
When she went to a bonfire her crush was going to be at–she wasn’t hanging out with him specifically, she says–she knew what she had to do.
Miller says she casually walked up to someone who was playing music on a speaker and asked them to play the song (from her crush’s caption). Immediately, her crush, who was sitting nearby, perked up upon hearing the song.
“He was like, ‘You know that song?’’ Miller says. “I was like, ‘Yeah, of course.’”
Fast-forward some time later, Miller says she ended up going on a few dates with him.
“He still does not know that that happened,” Miller concludes. “He thought it was his idea to go out with me. ‘Twas not.”
@christianamillermusic Light work honestly
♬ original sound – Christiana Miller
Viewers applaud her big-brain energy
Several folks were in awe of Miller’s ingenious plan and brought a proverbial pen and notepad to take notes.
One user quipped, “It’s not stalking, it’s research and development.” Another comment with 45,000 likes read, “This is the most normal thing I’ve ever heard -a fellow girlie.”
Some even shared their own “traps” they used to get their crush’s attention.
“Had a crush on a guy at work. Found out that he liked a certain type of candy. Always had that candy in my candy bowl so he’d hang out in my office,” one commented. “Anyways he asked me to marry him last year. He knows about the candy and thinks it’s cute.”
Someone defended Miller after being accused of manipulation, stating, “He still has to get to know her after and decide if he likes her or not. she didn’t kidnap him, she just caught his attention in an ingenious way.”
What’s the ‘Drop the Handkerchief’ Theory?
One of Miller’s viewers pointed out that her ploy was simply a version of the ‘drop the handkerchief’ method from olden times.
“This is how women flirted or showed interest in a man from the early 1700s up until the 1970s. it sounds unhinged but honestly a much more effective way to flirt,” they wrote.
According to The Cor Chronicle, “The concept of ‘dropping the handkerchief’ dates back to the Victorian era. A lady would ‘accidentally’ drop her handkerchief before a passing man and if he were gentlemanly, he would pick it up to return it to her. Thus a lady might meet a handsome stranger when it was otherwise socially unacceptable for her to do so.”
In the r/Dating_Advice subreddit, one user asked what today’s equivalent of “dropping the handkerchief” would be. The most liked response from a commenter? “Swiping right.”
The Mary Sue reached out to Miller via Instagram direct message.
Miller talks to TMS
Update June 12, 2025: In an Instagram direct message to the Mary Sue, Miller shares how all women do “this kind of thing” to some extent. She shared how men do as well but that women “could run the FBI.”
“I’ve done things like this many times,” she wrote. “It’s pretty run-of-the-mill for me.”
Miller calls dating in the era of social media “psychological warfare.”
“It’s almost impossible to be objective about a person you’re dating when you’re able to find out so much information about them without so much as a conversation,” she wrote. “I could find out who a guy’s parents are before I’ve even gone on a date with him, and that’s not necessarily beneficial. It can be a good safety net to vet people before dating, but it can also lead to making incorrect assumptions about a potential dating partner.”
As for her video, Miller said she received many comments from men calling her actions creepy and accusing her of stalking.
“But all I did was find publicly accessible information and use it to get a slight edge. I didn’t fake a connection or pretend to be into that guy’s interests in order to lure him into liking me,” she said. “I simply discovered a mutual interest and found a way to connect on that.”
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