Full-time: Man Utd 4-1 Fenerbahce
A dire 30 minutes was followed by three goals in 15 minutes, including two confidence-boosters for Paul Pogba. Juan Mata and Michael Carrick impressed and Wayne Rooney was bright and inventive in attack too. Things are looking up before Chelsea visit Old Trafford. Thanks for keeping me company. The match report is here.
And I’ll leave you with Kevin Spacey being weird.
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90+1 min: Rooney nods the ball to Martial and is sent scurrying back into the box by the young forward. But he can’t get the ball out of his feet and Fenerbahce clear. “Happiness by Ken Dodd isn’t bad either,” offers Simon McMahon, neatly wrapping this MBM up.
90 min: Fosu-Mensah sends a low shot skidding into Demirel’s midriff. There will be two more minutes of this.
87 min: “Happiness is a seriously uncomfortable film to watch, though a good one nonetheless,” writes David Wall. “I think I’d dispute the description of is as a comedy though, even a dark one. That is, unless you mean it in the Dante-esque sense.” Maybe I’m just seriously warped, David. Mata goes close to scoring United’s fifth with a right-footed snap-shot from 15 yards. Rooney was involved again. He’s been involved in most of the good things that United have done tonight.
85 min: Emenike has given Fenerbahce the injection of pace they sorely lacked in the first half. He connects with Souza, who forces De Gea into a good save. Emenike has been a regular starter in the league. Advocaat got his first XI wrong for this one.
Goal! Man Utd 4-1 Fenerbahce (Van Persie 83)
Topal stops Rooney in his tracks with a brilliantly timed tackle. He lofts a pitching-wedge-style ball forwards to Emenike, who burst away from Bailly, cuts back onto his right foot and drills a pass into Van Persie, who sidefoots home from six yards. The whole ground stands to applaud and then Van Persie’s name rings around the ground. A lovely moment – and one United fans could afford to applaud having scored four goals.
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81 min: Emenike whacks a cross into Rojo’s hand in the penalty box. Emenike wants a penalty. The referee doesn’t give it.
79 min: Memphis does a lovely two-step shuffle on the left, making mince meat of Sener before darting towards the touchline and trying to squeeze a shot in at goal from a ridiculous angle when he’d have been better off pulling it back. Still, a bright moment from the substitute.
76 min: “Happiness by Todd Solondz came out one year before American Beauty. It basically tells the same story but it’s more extreme. It’s also pretty hipster to prefer the former before the latter,” offers Axel Shut. Happiness is as dark a dark comedy as I’ve ever seen Todd. It’s making me feel weird just thinking about it. United are letting Fenerbahce play the ball around a bit. Oh, but hang on, United steal it, Carrick slides a ball forwards to Memphis, who shows good feet on this occasion to swivel and play in Mata, whose first touch drags the ball on to his right foot quite brilliantly, only to then side-foot the ball at Demirel, who still saves well, mind.
73 min: Van Persie has just emerged from a tackle half undressed. I think it was Rojo who did the undressing. Meanwhile Fosu-Mensah is on for Pogba, who has had a much more enjoyable evening than he did at Anfield, scoring two goals and playing a big part in Lingard’s. So expect him to have much more lead in his pencil going into the Chelsea match.
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71 min: Rooney and Mata combine well in attack. They’ve had a lovely little understanding since that dire first 30 minutes. The ball comes to Memphis and the ball ends up with Fenerbahce. He rushed that. Too anxious to prove himself.
69 min: Some red-hot Fenerbahce substitution action for you: Koybasi is on for Volkan Sen. Meanwhile, man watches football …
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67 min: “American Beauty is a very good film in a very narrow genre: the Hollywood arty, Oscar bait movie,” offers Brian Russell. “It’s got a conventional structure, has an ending where everyone learns something, and is conventionally well-acted by leading Hollywood actors.It is quite gripping, well executed and very watchable but doesn’t stray outside the lines or take any risks.” So, if it were a footballer it would be a Michael Ballack type figure then?
65 min: Memphis is on for Lingard. Memphis? Mourinho really is going through his squad now. Lingard is given a ovation by the appreciative crowd. He’s had a fine game. A lovely assist and a belter of a goal.
64 min: File this under American Beauty miscellany: “As the game seems to be putting itself to bed, can I just add this factoid about ‘American Beauty’? After paying off his manager and agent, you know what Sam Mendes’ director’s fee was?” asks Russell Richardson. No, go on tell us. “A princely $30,000 (for about 18 months’ work). How long would it take Zlatan (today) to earn that?” He just has. Oh, and again.
63 min: Manchester Utd break after that second corner and Rooney races – yes races – through the middle of the park before slipping in Mata on his right. The Spaniard looks up and spies Lingard in the box but plays it just a tad behind him. A crisp break though.
62 min: Emenike is fouled on the right. Van Persie delivers another lovely ball into the six-yard box but Shaw heads clear for a corner. Emenike has brightened things up in Fenerbahce’s attack. the corner is poor, mind. A second is even worse.
60 min: A little cameo from Van Persie. Emenike brings a long ball out of the sky with a delightful touch and flicks it on to Van Persie beside him. The Dutchman lines his shot up and whips a left-footer towards De Gea’s top-right corner, but it’s a few inches wide. He’s got beautiful technique when he strikes the ball.
58 min: Now I know that Fenerbahce have hardly been resistant opponents tonight but Rooney’s link-up play has been very good. He appears to be better with his back to goal than when he’s facing it. His vision looking for onrushing team-mates has been exemplary.
57 min: United are pass, pass, passing Fenerbahce into submission. Surely Mourinho will be tempted to rest Pogba or Mata now won’t he?
55 min: Dundalk are beating Zenit 1-0. If they win that they go top of the group. That would be a quite remarkable achievement. the ball almost squirts free to Martial, who is running into the box to connect with it after some far from composed defending by Fenerbahce but Sener just pokes a toe out of it and clears the danger.
53 min: Shaw is fouled by Alper Potuk but it isn’t given. So Shaw kicks him back and concedes a free-kick himself. Van Persie whips an inswinger into the box. It’s a great delivery aimed at Skrtel, whose every touch is being booed now, but United defend it well. They’re a tall, physical team these days.
51 min: “American Beauty was in no way overrated. Yes, some of the dialogue is faintly ridiculous: ‘so much beauty...’ etc. etc; but as a tale of repression, depression and mid-life crisis it is insightful, powerfully-acted and frequently hilarious,” writes Matt Loten, in the absence of anything happening at Old Trafford. “Annette Bening’s intense but fragile Carolyn is only just bettered by Kevin Spacey at the end of a 90s masterclass in acting which took in Seven, The Usual Suspects and LA Confidential. I can still recite most of his opening monologue off by heart.” Oh please do. No, actually don’t. But thanks for the email.
49 min: Well, this game can slow right down again now. It’s dead. United have killed it with that bright and breezy goal. Vokan Sen drives a ball across goal. It’s a very good ball after a nippy run to the right touchline, but no one takes a gamble to get in a position to prod it home.
Goal! Man Utd 4-0 Fenerbahce (Lingard 47)
Wow! Pogba picks a loose ball up in midfield and shows good strength to hold off his marker before zipping a little pass into the feet of Rooney. He plays a first-time ball to Lingard, who knocks the ball out of his feet and crashes a shot into the left corner of the goal from 25 yards. A fine goal and a wonderful finish.
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45 min: Emenike is on for Kjaer, who made that costly error for Fenerbahce before the break. And Rojo is on for Smalling.
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“What on Earth was that celebration by Pogba/Lingard? What would they do in a big game! Bring out a parade or cheerleaders???” asks Nick Parmenter. In case you didn’t see it, it was reminiscent of PJ and Duncan’s Let’s Get Ready To Rumble dance. Do they practise that stuff? And where do they practise that stuff?
@GreggBakowski To call Am Beauty overrated or terrible is to ignore how original/smart it was IN ITS TIME, when things were generally quiet.
— Juventitrè (@Juventitre) October 20, 2016
Well, there’s a view on American Beauty.
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Half-time: Man Utd 3-0 Fenerbahce
Well, 30 minutes in I’d have eaten my right hand if you’d told me the first half would end 3-0 to Man Utd. From ponderous and predictable two wonderful passes led to two penalties. The third goal, albeit coming from a mistake, came about thanks to the kind of hungry and incisive play that was sorely missing at the start. José may even afford himself a smile.
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Goal! Man Utd 3-0 Fenerbahce (Pogba 45)
Kjaer gives the ball away under no pressure as he tries to play the ball out to the full-back position. Rooney pounces on it like a hungry dog and fizzes a pass into the box, where Lingard takes a feather-toed left-footed touch before laying the ball back to Pogba, whose eyes light up as he curls a delicious right-footed shot into the top-left corner. A brilliant goal and a ruthless punishing of a poor mistake. Lingard’s touch was quite brilliant.
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44 min: “I thought American Beauty was terrible,” writes JR in Illinois. “At least the half hour or so I saw before turning it off. Of course it was nowhere near as bad as The Bonfire of the Vanities which is possibly the worst film ever.” Meanwhile, Pogba fouls Alper Potuk, who dusts himself off and prepares to whip the ball in from a dangerous position on the left. He plays it in deep but Smalling jumps highest and clears under pressure. That was a good ball in.
43 min: Mata’s been so much better than anyone else out there tonight. He curls a delicious cross in towards Smalling, who stays up after a United corner, but Skrtel leaps above him and does enough to prevent him getting a clean head on the ball. Fenerbahce clear and United gain possession again.
41 min: United sit back and allow Fenerbahce to enjoy a bit of possession. They work the ball down the right and win another corner. This time they play it short, but no beef. Sen’s resulting cross is easily cleared by Bailly.
39 min: Fenerbahce win a corner on the right. It’s whipped into a squabble of blue, yellow and red and yet it’s the green of De Gea who rises above them to pluck the ball out of the air. What a keeper he is.
37 min: United’s two goals came about thanks to two positive passes forwards. There haven’t been enough of those from United tonight. Mata’s for Martial was hit with his left foot on the turn. A really delightful and thoroughly brilliant pass. Nothing like the 30 minutes of football that preceded it.
34 min: David de Gea (who else?) prevents Souza from getting a goal back for Fenerbahce. It followed a rare misjudgement by Carrick. The corner that follows is plucked from the air by De Gea.
Goal! Man Utd 2-0 Fenerbahce (Martial 32 pen)
Martial takes a traditional and not-at-all weird run-up … and wallops it into the same corner that Pogba stuck his into. I’m assuming Martial took that because everybody felt like he was denied a goalscoring opportunity. Everybody but referee Benoit Bastien.
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Another penalty to Man Utd!
32 min: Mata knocks a brilliant, incisive, ball through on a diagonal angle to Martial, who is running into the box. Sener appears to lean into him and Martial goes down. No red card, no yellow card. Weird. There should have been some kind of punishment.
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Goal! Man Utd 1-0 Fenerbahce (Pogba 31 pen)
Pogba does a ridiculous Zaza-esque run-up, but doesn’t ape the Italy player’s miss, instead dispatching with authority to Demirel’s right. A fine, if not weirdly taken, penalty.
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Penalty to Man Utd!
30 min: Carrick knocks a glorious ball up to Mata in the box. He takes a touch and Kjaer falls into the back of him. Definite penalty. Pogba to take it. Demirel takes an age to get ready and makes Pogba grow anxious.
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28 min: A huge roar goes up from the crowd as they realise that this is bloody hopeless. The players respond, Pogba arrowing a wonderful ball out to Darmian, on the run down the right wing. He looks up and aims for Martial, but aims 10 yards too far. And that’s the end of that.
26 min: “Not sure why I am watching this semi-dross when I am in Camden! I could bring you a curry or something,” offers Ian Copestake. If this doesn’t liven up a may need a something a little stronger Ian. There’s a moment of attacking intent by Fenerbahce, as Sen attempts to find a Van Persie with a low cross. Bailly clears poorly and United break. Well, trot out with the ball again.
24 min: Mata, who has been United’s best player by a country mile, puts a whipped left-footed cross on a plate for Martial at the back-post. But Martial’s neck retreats like that of a tortoise as he jumps towards the ball and he can’t do more than glance it wide under minimal pressure.
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23 min: Big Sam’s at the match. Look out José!
21 min: Mata slides a ball through to Rooney in the inside-left channel but the ball bounces off Rooney’s right foot onto his left foot and out of play. It’s good this.
19 min: “Chuck Berry’s making albums at 90. Sir Alex is only 74. Know what I’m saying?” writes Simon McMahon. Yes Simon. Meanwhile, Alper Potuk is receiving treatment after Darmian introduced a knee to his back.
17 min: Fenerbahce withstand the all too brief spell of United positivity and the home side are forced back, where they keep possession while working out how next to go forwards. Smalling thinks he knows, knocking a long towards Rooney, who shoves his backside into Skrtel, Kenny Dalglish-style, to concede a free-kick.
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16 min: Ben Bennett writes: “José reminds me of Kevin Spacey in the much overrated American Beauty: brow beaten by the drudgery of his own football, he daydreams of rose petals raining upon Damien Duff’s naked body, whilst David Luiz is a plastic carrier bag, blown hither and thither by the winds of insane markets.” It’s not that overrated Ben. Anyone? It’s a very good film isn’t it?
14 min: This is better from United. Mata finds space between the Fenerbahce midfield and defence and looks for Rooney and Pogba with two delicate passes that are cut out. And then Pogba lets one fly at goal but his effort is blocked. The United fans respond to the first sign of sustained pressure with a bit of noise at last.
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11 min: A bit of invention from Van Persie sparks a promising move for Fenerbahce on the left. Alper Potuk runs on to a reverse pass from Van Persie and plays a one-two before darting for the line … but the ball is overhit. And then a lovely touch to stop dead a lofted ball by Lingard, brings Mata into the game, who spies Pogba on the back post but he puts too much beef on his cross.
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9 min: Shaw takes a first touch that ensures his second is a mis-timed tackle. Fenerbahce win a free-kick and play it short. They keep possession on the right and then give the ball away. This is dire stuff, slow, ponderous and predictable. It can only get better.
7 min: A long ball up towards Van Persie is cut out. United knock it back the other way and Fenerbahce have a go at sterile possession at the back. Skrtel looks even meaner than usual. He’s wearing a black face back due to a broken nose he picked up in a recent league match. I might just add that I don’t actually think he’s as mean as he looks. Many a time I’ve seen him shoved off the ball and been made to look wobbly.
5 min: Fenerbahce work the ball out of defence but Neustadter’s diagonal ball is cut out and United come back at them. Rooney holds the ball up very well and tries to involve Pogba but the move fizzes out on the left. “It’s not the most important...for us but we don’t want to throw it away”?! Did Mourinho just put the Europa League on the same level as leftovers from last night’s dinner, or a nearly empty bottle of ketchup in the fridge?!” wonders Peter Oh. Sometimes last night’s dinner tastes better the next day though Peter. Clinging to straws here.
4 min: There’s not much happening. United are playing it around patiently at the back but any pass forwards is pounced upon. Sen fouls Darmian on the left. Another free-kick. “Slightly off-topic,” begins Tony Crawford “but I once went to a Christmas Fancy dress party as Dick Advocaat ... needless to say I haven’t invited back since.” Gloriously random Tony.
2 min: Van Persie is penalised for a shove in the back. United knock it around for a bit and then Smalling wallops a long ball straight out of play. His intended target was Mata, erm, because he’s such a towering presence.
1 min: United get this game under way. Rooney takes the kick-off and then legs it up front. Yup, he’s a centre-forward again. The midfield experiment ends.
I think Rooney won the toss there. Some good news for the Man Utd forward at last.
“I am almost worried about José,” writes Ian Copestake. “What on earth has become of his zest for life, his zip, his pazazz? He seems unutterably miserable and I would prefer to not hear him utter anything …” Maybe he should have a day out at Gullivers World.
Right, the teams trot out on to the Old Trafford turf to a hardly raucous reception. It is a Thursday night, mind. Van Persie is given a very warm reception, as he would be. He scored 58 goals in a 105 games.
Tuncay has rocked up in the away end. This is just one reason Fenerbahce fans are treating him like a prince in there …
Fenerbahce’s manager, Dick Advocaat, looks a damn sight happier than he did when he left Sunderland under a cloud: “We have nothing to lose so why do we want to have fear? Let’s just enjoy ourselves!”
Nathan Fisher brings the sarcasm: “Wow Gregg! You didn’t tell us you could draw! Call Jonathan Jones! A genius has been hidden in the football section all this time! The way you captured Van Persie’s optimistic state of mind back then! Raphael-esque! The subtle, witty interplay of blue and white! What does it tell us about the nature of sport?! Loads probably! The way you captured his eyebrows! Magnifique! The shading on his shirt! You see things that are obscured to the eyes of us mere mortals! Gregg, a new career awaits you - go and be a star!!!”
How much will United miss Herrera tonight? He’s been their best player in recent games in my humble one. I suppose Carrick can keep the passing ticking over in his absence but who will get their foot in and win the ball back if that is required tonight? Pogba? Hmmm.
José Mourinho is here and he looks absolutely delighted to be getting wheeled out on a Thursday: “It’s not the most important competition for us but we don’t want to throw it away,” he trills. “And being in a group like ours if you change too much and not respect the opponents we will not qualify. So we have to try with a team that is not full strength but I think we have good players and good balance in the team.” He’s asked if the onus is now on United to attack after the defensive display at Anfield. He doesn’t like that question. “I’m a bit tired of that conversation really, first of all because the game was what it was and we have a game today and Sunday another one. Why is your approach not that the phenomenal team could not beat us and go in that direction [with your questioning].” Also, he says Mkhitaryan is not involved because although he is fit, he is not at the right level of intensity.
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Team news
Manchester United starting XI: De Gea; Darmian, Smalling, Bailly, Shaw; Carrick, Pogba, Mata; Lingard, Martial; Rooney. Subs: Romero, Fosu-Mensah, Marcos Rojo, Fellaini, Memphis, Ibrahimovic, Rashford.
So, seven changes from the thriller at Anfield on Monday although still no start for Memphis. His future looks grim indeed.
Fenerbahce starting XI: Volkan; Sener, Kjaer, Skrtel, Hasan Ali; Neustadter; Josef, Mehmet T; Alper, Volkan Sen; Van Persie. Subs: Fabiano, Ismail Koybasi, Ramazan Civelek, Emenike, Canr Koca, Stoch.
Referee: Benoit Bastien
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Preamble
Evening. Are you misty-eyed about the prospect of tonight’s match? Ah. Ok. Well, Wayne Rooney is. And Robin van Persie too. It was just over 12 years ago (TWELVE!) when Rooney didn’t so much make his Manchester United debut, as smash his debut all over Old Trafford, scoring a thrilling hat-trick in a 6-2 win against, yes, Fenerbahce. How he must pine for the relevance he felt back then. And what of Van Persie, whose career at Manchester United kind of looked like this?
Well, he’s just happy to be back. And yes, I do realise that graph is a little harsh but I had time to fill and a blank piece of paper. Can we expect much from tonight’s game? Well, yes. I reckon it could be fun, not least because Martin Skrtel should be playing at the back for Fenerbahce. United could do with a win too if they want to progress (debatable, I know), so maybe José will release the hand brake just a little bit. But coming as this match does, sandwiched between Liverpool and Chelsea, expect a much-changed United team from the one that earned a creditable if not sleep-inducing draw at Anfield.
My prediction: Man Utd 2-2 Fenerbahce
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