A man who left a wedding ceremony mid-vows due to a panic attack has said the bride later accused him and his girlfriend of taking attention away from her on her special day. The man shared his experience on a Reddit post, saying he has panic disorder and C-PTSD stemming from childhood abuse, and that his anxiety had already been elevated that morning before the ceremony began.
In his post, he said the wedding was a small, intimate gathering held under COVID restrictions, with roughly 12 to 15 people in attendance. He said he had been feeling “on edge” earlier that day following an argument with his father, but decided to attend anyway, hoping that being around his girlfriend’s family would help settle his nerves. His girlfriend, who accompanied him to the ceremony, reportedly tried to calm him down by holding his hand and reassuring him during the event.
When the calming efforts did not appear to work, the man said he got up during the vows and stepped out into the lobby to compose himself, with his girlfriend following him out. He noted that a few people looked at them as they left, but added that several relatives later came to check on him, which he described as a welcome gesture.
The bride reportedly sent a string of texts expressing her frustration after the ceremony
Later that day, while at his girlfriend’s apartment, the man said he inadvertently saw text messages from the bride, identified only as Susan, on his girlfriend’s phone screen as it lit up. He clarified that he did not go through the phone and that the messages appeared briefly on the lock screen, as is common on iPhones.
According to the man’s account, Susan thanked his girlfriend for attending but said it was “very rude” for them to get up and leave in the middle of the ceremony. Susan allegedly said she had worked hard to make the wedding happen despite COVID-related challenges and felt that the man and his girlfriend had taken attention away from her.
She suggested that the man should have stayed home. Wedding planning can already be a stressful process, and some brides have gone as far as canceling their entire wedding event over unexpected complications.
AITA for taking attention away from the bride at a wedding?
by u/aitacrybaby in AmItheAsshole
The man said he told his girlfriend about the texts after seeing them. His girlfriend apologized on Susan’s behalf and suggested that Susan may have been caught up in the emotions of the day. “She said she never remembered her cousin acting like this, and maybe she was just caught up in the heat of the wedding,” the man wrote.
In his post, the man described his physical symptoms during the episode, saying he experienced staggered breathing, tremors, and felt lightheaded. He said he did not believe he had made a big scene, given the relatively small size of the gathering. Despite this, he appeared to question whether he had made the right call by attending at all.
“Maybe I should’ve stayed home,” he wrote. “I was already feeling panicky to begin with, but I left anyway because I love being around my GF and her family. Maybe it was selfish of me to do this on such a special occasion as a wedding.”
In a later edit to his post, he said he had come to believe he was in the wrong, adding, “I now see that ITA here, but thanks for also being understanding of my disorder. I hope Susan will accept my apology. I never meant to ruin the wedding.”
He also explained in the edit that he felt his girlfriend had been the best person to lean on during the panic attack at that moment, but acknowledged in hindsight that he should have stayed home and found someone else to help him through it.
He also noted that Susan was not the first person to have been bothered by his panic attacks, suggesting the situation was not entirely new to him. The post drew a range of responses in the comments, with many users leaning toward holding the man accountable despite expressing sympathy for his condition.
“Gentle YTA. Look I empathize as I have an anxiety disorder and depression but just cause we can’t help that we have them doesn’t mean we suddenly don’t have to hold ourselves accountable for our actions and the way they affect folks regardless. It explains our behavior but it doesn’t excuse it,” one commenter wrote, adding that Susan’s reaction was understandable given the circumstances and that an apology was owed. Uninvited guests and disruptive behavior at weddings have also led to guests crashing a wedding celebration and facing embarrassing consequences.
Some commenters pushed back on that framing, arguing that others were being too dismissive of the man’s struggles. “Anxiety disorder is no joke. Don’t be so self righteous with ‘you knew this’ and ‘you knew that’. It’s difficult to keep your thoughts straight when the world is crashing down on you and you feel like you can hardly breathe,” one user wrote, while still giving the man a “very gentle YTA” for attending knowing a panic attack was possible.
Others were more direct in their assessments. “YTA. You knew what you were having was a panic attack. You’ve had them before and you’re well acquainted with them. You should’ve kept your head down, waited until the vows were over, and then walked out,” one commenter said.
Another user pointed out that the man’s girlfriend also missed part of her cousin’s wedding to help calm him down, suggesting that both the bride and the girlfriend were owed an apology. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, people with panic disorder tend to experience frequent and unexpected panic attacks, and may live with ongoing worry about when the next one might occur.
The Cleveland Clinic notes that symptoms can include chest pain, a racing heart, hyperventilation, chills, sweating, nausea, trembling, and tingling sensations throughout the body, though the man in the post did not confirm which specific symptoms he experienced beyond what he described in his edits.
