THE REAL DEAL?
Everybody loves Madrid. Just ask Spurs fans. And Gareth Bale. And Catalonia. The allure is sometimes just too much: the glory of wearing the white shirt, as Cristiano Ronaldo did, before he was booed out of town for not scoring enough goals, or something. The prestige of being embarrassed by Zinedine Zidane each day in training, bunking up with famed b@nter-merchant Sergio Ramos on away trips or being publicly shamed for having the audacity to go to bed at 11pm. Sounds like a laugh!
Buena suerte, then, Luka Jovic, who was confirmed as being the latest merengue to walk the well-worn path to the Bernabéu, this time in exchange for at least €65m. Not bad business from Madrid for one of the most in-demand strikers in world football, considering today’s prices, in which you normally have to waste a few zeroes just to get a whiff of The Next Big Thing’s socks.
“It was clear that there was a limit to what kind of bid we could refuse – for Eintracht Frankfurt this is a good and important transfer,” roared former Bolton striker/current Eintracht suit Fredi Bobic, despite the sell-on small-print which dictates the German club have to punt around £10m of the transfer fee over to Jovic’s old side, Benfica. “We wish Luka all the best in the future. He has all the attributes to have a great career. And we are proud that we have supported him on his way. From a sporting point of view selling Luka Jovic is a big blow,” continued Bobic, as the realisation of what he had done finally started to take hold. “His explosiveness and capacity to score goals propelled us into [Big Vase] and we have benefited from more than just his goals in the past two years.”
Madrid making moves, then, which may well put the jitters up their rivals. Sevilla have responded by naming a man – former Madrid and Spain coach Julen Lopetegui – who managed to get sacked twice in less than five months, while Atlético are resigned to losing Antoine Griezmann, Diego Godín and Lucas Hernández in the coming weeks. Thank goodness there’s Barcelona, who – news just in – have an announcement of their own! Oh wait, it’s just a tired-looking Philippe Coutinho at a kit launch wearing an awful shirt inspired by Ivan Rakitic’s tablecloth. Roll on La Liga 2019-20, we might just have a title race on our hands.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“No one can find out about this and no one means no one, eh. Not your friends, no one” – sticking with La Liga, here’s what former footballer Carlos Aranda was heard saying, according to El Mundo, in a recording relating to the alleged fixing of Valladolid’s 2-0 loss to Valencia on the final day of the season. Aranda denies any wrongdoing.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
It’s the Liverpool, champions of Europe edition from David Squires. And you can get your hands on a printed copy too.
FIVER LETTERS
“Can I please beg The Fiver and its readers not to mention hapless Dutch striker Philippe Hes (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs) to Brighton’s chief scout, as I fear he’ll be on the first ferry from Harwich waving the chairman’s golden chequebook. ‘Our’ record of buying forward players from the Eredivisie isn’t too great; the last two, signed for a total in excess of £30m, have between them made 45 appearances, with a combined tally of two league goals. Though perhaps the club could swap both of them for one Philippe Hes?” – Tony Crawford.
“As a London-born, [USA! USA!! USA!!!] citizen who has long been a fan of The Fiver’s always irreverent and often humorous take on the wonderful world of football, I have to express disappointment and take umbrage at your injection of personal, partisan politics into yesterday’s offering. While you are certainly entitled to be less than a fan of our democratically elected President, I really feel the viciousness of your attack delivered an unnecessary – and quite ugly – attack by association on those of us who exercised our right at the ballot box to elect Mr Trump. Perhaps the graciousness and eloquence of the President’s toast to Her Majesty and his recognition of the ‘eternal friendship’ of the peoples of the United States and United Kingdom will broaden your mind to be more inclusive of differing shades of political opinion” – Chris Fuller.
“Open-top bus parade. Participant clearly impacted by Tin. Is Jürgen Klopp the new Freddie Flintoff and can we expect woeful primetime TV shenanigans when he decides to retire?” – Alex Folkes.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is … Tony Crawford.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Andy Woodward tells Daniel Taylor how a relative of Barry Bennell cast a grim shadow over his family, years before the paedophile coach began abusing him.
Former England defender Laura Bassett, who made 61 appearances for her country, has announced her retirement. “It has been a privilege to play a tiny part in Lioness history and to have experienced the progression of women’s football in England,” she said.
The Queen’s Celtic are investigating a leak which allegedly revealed the club’s summer transfer targets. “We’re looking into it,” roared a fresh and funky club suit.
The next two Club World Cups will also double up as test events for the Human Rights World Cup in Qatar. “I think it’s a great opportunity to test the facilities. I think it hits all the marks,” cheered Fifa suit Victor Montagliani.
FA coffers will be bolstered by 50 million fat ones after it agreed a five-year sponsorship deal with BT.
And value-for-money’s Ross McCormack has been released by Aston Villa after a return of three goals in three years for the £12m striker. “The club would like to wish Ross well for the future,” shouted a club suit, before quickly bolting the door shut behind him and notifying Brighton’s chief scout.
STILL WANT MORE?
Our transfer interactive is live, featuring every summer deal from Europe’s top five leagues. And yes, we realise it’s still officially spring so lower your guns, pedants.
Our Women’s World Cup 2019 team guides continue apace. Today we have No 17: Canada, and No 18: Cameroon.
If England can handle Women’s World Cup expectations they can capture the country’s heart, writes Eni Aluko.
Netherlands boss Ronald Koeman chews the fat with Ed Aarons about facing England, the young talent at his disposal and that World Cup qualifier in 1993.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
