Comedian Louis CK has said that he felt free after the sexual misconduct allegations against him were publicised.
The 58-year-old was accused of sexual misconduct by five women in 2017, allegations that he later admitted were true.
The comedian has now said that he felt like a weight had been lifted when the allegations came to light, as he no longer had to deal with his issues internally.
“When life f***s it up for you, when it gets torn up, it’s a relief,” CK told YouTuber Theo Von on the This Past Weekend podcast.
“That’s why I felt free, because I had tried to manage these problems I had inside of me for so many years,” he added. “And I tried to feel like I was a normal person. Or that I was what I thought of as a good person, but I was doing s*** in the background of my life that I was ashamed of.”
“All of that is, like, you can’t manage it. And so when you’re in front of the world and that’s going on inside of you, it’s real hell.”
Reflecting on how the accusations effectively ended his comedy career, CK said that he was sent into a spiral but now views it as a “beautiful thing”.
“I look at that as, like, God’s hands, or whatever you want to call it,” he said. “That was just like a good, caring thing that said, ‘Dude, you need to stop. You need to stop. You need out of all this.’”
CK also opened up about how attending Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meetings helped him deal with his own problems and connect with others.
Speaking about an interaction with one man who thought he’d ruined his own life, CK said that he would ask him: “’Do you know who I am?’ And he goes, ‘Yeah.’ And I go, “I’m doing pretty good, buddy.’”
CK said that it’s a “beautiful gift” that he can use his own situation as a “mountain for folks to lean on, take a little load off”.
“I really wish I could have a simple kind of watershed where I can say just ‘Yes’ to everything that happened, and ‘I’m sorry,’” he added. “I really am. And I’m just trying to do better, and I don’t think I can prove that to everybody, ’cause it’s a private thing. It’s a one-to-one man thing. It’s not a famous guy act.”
CK was briefly boycotted by fans when the accusations came to light and dropped by his TV network FX, but returned to comedy less than two years later.
When CK admitted to the misconduct accusations and expressed regret for his behaviour, HBO severed ties with him and pulled the comedian’s specials from its on-demand service. The New York premiere and the release of his film I Love You, Daddy were both cancelled.
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