Kitchen gadgets review: Citrus Catcher – I bask in the moral pomp it bestows

‘It’s a simple function, performed excellently.’ Photograph: Antonio Olmos for the Guardian.

What?

The Catcher (£12, Josephjoseph.com) is a rotary boring tool with perforated quarter-collar. Filters citrus juice, retaining seed.

Why?

Because lemons are bloody majestic. I’m not taking the pith.

Well?

Not wearing my glasses when handed this week’s offering leads to momentary confusion. Circus dreamer, with pip catcher? Sounds like a psychedelic jam, featuring guest flute from a man in a hemp waistcoat. Taking a closer look at the packet, I’m actually holding a … citrus reamer. Or “lemon squeezer” if you like, because “ream” is a brutal verb to associate with a canary-yellow hand juicer. “Ream directly over food or into bowls,” it advises, sounding at best unhygienic. (At worst, the title of an internet video that will infect your laptop, necessitating an embarrassing trip to an electronics cabin where your browsing history is minutely analysed by someone you suspect might be your cousin.)

‘A shot of grandeur is rare in gadgets, so the marketers should really make a bigger deal of it.’ Photograph: Antonio Olmos for the Guardian

The device has picked its moment. This time of year, I judge the turn of the season by how much more lemon I cook with, rather than what’s happening outside. It don’t mean a spring if it ain’t got that zing, that’s what I say. (No one knows what I’m talking about, but I say it.) The silicone cuff with drainage holes means one can squeeze lemon directly into pastas, twist lime into drinks. It’s a simple function, performed excellently. It looks so cheerful in the kitchen that I wish its uses were diverse. Could it be a mini colander for straining single portions of spaghetti? Or a chaff scoop for grain? You could literally keep a catcher in the rye, godammit! The thing I like most is holding it. It resembles a sturdy flame burning eternally. I’m the Statue of Liberty when I hoist it, basking in the moral pomp this bestows. I jog a lap around my flat, like an Olympic torchbearer. A shot of grandeur is rare in gadgets, so the marketers should really make a bigger deal of it. Just imagine: “Give me your huddled masses, yearning to be free; I’ll muddle them with limes, and some cranberry! Using my new Catcher, available online and in stores.” Inspiring stuff, godammit.

Any downside?

The “flexible cup [that] catches pips” doesn’t need to be flexible, as this serves no purpose. But I’m all for a more sexy-flexy world, so what the hell.

Counter, drawer, back of the cupboard?

Sweet reams are made of this. Who am I to disagree? 4/5