Half a century ago, Jaguar made 12 special cars, known as the Lightweight E-Types, because they were were lighter than regular E-Types. Lighter, faster, more expensive, better. Today these cars change hands for up to £5m. Now Jaguar is making six more of them, and Inside Jaguar: Making a Million Pound Car (Channel 4) is a documentary about that. Kinda Big Cat Diaries then. Presented, appropriately, by Mark Evans, the vet who used to do Pet Rescue. He’s also an engineering fanatic, and E-Type fan.
So here is the original chassis ledger, and here are Martin and Kev who are in charge of the project. Kev’s not happy with a chip in the paint on the engine bracket of the new car, so that needs to be done again. And there’s an issue with the tool that presses the bonnet. And here’s another Mark, cutting the leather for the seats; there’s an imperfection in the hide in one of the door panels. Martin and Kev send it back.
The special operations team, meanwhile, are thinking of new ways to add prestige to the car, make the six lucky owners feel they’re getting something really special. There are aluminium models to be crafted, bespoke watches and special suitcases to be made, Jaguar’s unique history to be nurtured … yeah, rubbish like that. Who made this documentary, Jaguar Films?
And who are the six lucky people who are going to get their hands on the steering wheels (in exchange for a million of their pounds, of course)? That might be interesting, but we’re not allowed to know, client confidentiality and all that. Except that one of them is prepared to talk on camera. He’s paying a flying visit to see his car being built. Now who’s it going to be … it’s John Breslow! John Breslow the bald sixtysomething Nebraska businessman, who made his millions from his midwest welding supplies business? Yes, that John Breslow! Come on, if that’s not glamour, I don’t know what is; he’s like the George Best of the Nebraska welding community.
The cars themselves are lovely – exquisitely engineered by hand, beautiful to look at, very shiny etc (I used to be a famous motoring journalist you may remember, I know about these things). Good work, Kev and Martin. As television it will be very exciting for a few classic car lovers, boys who get excited by original chassis ledgers (does anyone?), bonnet presses, leather and bespoke watches. Evans tries to broaden its appeal, brings in some 60s glamour, crashes, money. He even finds a controversy: the new car will not be invited to race at Goodwood because Lord March considers it to be not a classic car but a replica. But it’s not really that much of a story is it? Hardly up there with #FifaArrests.
No, this was a niche programme for the enthusiast and I was surprised to see it go out at peak time on a mainstream channel. What it did achieve, I’m afraid, was to underline what a good job Top Gear did of making television about cars appealing and entertaining and amusing to a lot of people. Yes, sorry, but Clarkson wins, even if he is an arse who’s no longer invited to the races himself.
Back to Born Naughty? (Channel 4), then. It’s more interesting to more people, because more people have children than have £1m Jaguars. And even if their children have nothing wrong with them at all, there will be times the parents have thought they did. And because the behaviour of children – whether they have a condition such as autism or ADHD or not – is more interesting than chassis ledgers. (I really hated that ledger).
Again, the striking thing about this episode is the relief of eight-year-old Thomas’s parents when they, and Thomas, are told he does in fact have high- functioning autism. It’s the relief of the diagnosis, the end of uncertainty. Now they can start to deal with it, and create a nice space (a blue shed in the garden) Thomas can escape to when he wants to.
I can see why some people might have an issue with the title of this show. But I hope they can see beyond it to the way it treats the issues seriously, scientifically, sensibly and sensitively, without being over handwringingly worthy.
A bigger issue than the title, I think, is that most people with similar concerns about their children don’t have a team of GPs and paediatricians, psychologists, speech therapists, behaviour experts etc to get together in order to get to the bottom of things. I imagine the real, non-TV version is a more frustrating, lonelier experience.
