Suzie "Pearly Queen" Kramer came round and cooked a fry-up on her way to work, so I leafed through the papers as the bacon sizzled. Everything was perfect - until, that is, I noticed Dickie Littlejohn had written a polemic in the Sun accusing me of being Divine Brown to Labour's Hugh Grant.
Now, me and Dickie are auld drinking buddies from way back. So I'll probably just get Beithy to shoot his dog or something.
But personal attacks are all part of a credible opposition leader's job, so I'll have to accept it. I was doing a phone-in on TV when a caller accused me of wanting to Balkanise England by creating regional assemblies.
Why would a genial Scot like me want to do down poor old England, I asked him.
I know that one day soon I, too, will be the subject of personal attacks in Labour posters. Listen Millbank, if I am, I would like David Owen's hair, Lloyd George's moustache, the sexual magnetism of Sgt Pantsdown and the wit of David Steel.
Then everyone would love me, wouldn't they voters?
Yours, e-Charles
e-charles@guardianunlimited.co.uk
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